Buttercream Gang Posts Postponed

I will never work with dvds again, I swear. All Buttercream Gang posts are hereby suspended till I can find a dvd drive that actually WORKS. My dinosaur of a macbook has kicked the bucket on that regard, and my new frisbee Macbook Air does not, of course, have a dvd drive.

It could be a while. A LONG while.

I don’t know when I’ll GET a dvd drive. It could be a long time. So, in the meantime, I’m going to start on what I wanted to work on after I was done with Buttercreamers.

How many of you remember the show McGee and Me? Well you’re about to go on a trip down memory lane. Or not, in which case, lucky you.

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The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain part 3

I scheduled this to be posted today so I don’t know why it didn’t. Fortunately I kept backups this time, having learned that wordpress eats posts for breakfast on occasion.

Part 3

My H Key is still missing. I’ll try and proof read but in case I miss something, blame my keyboard.

When we last left our fearless heroes, they were in the treehouse waiting for Margaret to come by with the money they made from the skate races. Earlier it was said that the races cost $3 each, soooo wow. I thought fundraisers knew they had to make it cost more than THAT, right?

In any case, Scotty Boy licks his wounds about being beat by an 11 year old GIRL.

Eldon has to inform them that the lemonade stand not only didn’t MAKE any money, but he LOST $7. In the background, Eli is sitting in the treehouse writing something.

What? Eli looks like he’s Jessie’s age or younger. And they have no problem with HIM being a Buttercreamer, but God forbid JESSIE hold the title. Good Lord, I CAN’T with these people anymore!

Lanny: I told you not to invest in that dumb lemonade stand. You should’ve pulled together with me and Scott.

I agree that the lemonade stand was dumb, but… honestly I’m not seeing a reason Eldon should’ve stuck with them? I mean, if he’d raced Jessie, he only would’ve made an extra $3.

Eldon: Well I guess I can’t be as perfect as you guys!

He storms out of the treehouse, and Margaret and Jessie come up. Margaret actually shouts “Girls coming up!” like they need a warning. Lanny pulls a rope which triggers a “Keep Out” sign.

Buttercream boy: Hey, you know you’re not supposed to be up here.

Um, what? Margaret is a Buttercreamer. I guess they don’t consider Jessie one (but that’s stupid) but Margaret is the boys’ age. Why THE HELL is it a boys only club, still, even with female members?

Besides, they KNEW Margaret was coming by earlier, why THE HELL are they getting mad at her now? What did they expect her to do, throw the money at the treehouse? Boys need to get over their cooties thing. That was SO first grade.

Margaret is way cooler than I am about this whole thing. She strolls into the treehouse, ignoring the boys’ sexism, and asks where Eldon is off to in such a bad mood.

Which is probably a better way to handle it than what I would’ve done, actually, which would be to take Lanny and Scott and throw them headfirst out of the treehouse.

Margaret asks if the guys were teasing Eldon again, to which Lanny responds that they were just telling him the truth.

Yeah, in a teasing manner you stupid jerk.

Margaret doesn’t say that. I wish she would. Someone needs to kick these boys in the ego, because during this whole time Scott’s had this huge smirk on his face. No, I can’t get screenshots because technology issues.

Margaret explains that Eldon doesn’t feel like he belongs with the rest of the Buttercreamers, and I could point out that Margaret and Jessie have more right to feel that way because THEY’RE the ones who are constantly put down and marginalized because VAGINA.

Scott: Eldon needs to learn that we’re a team.

Me: And the team has to do the same thing all the time? Drop dead Scott.

Eli: I think Eldon knows that. Do you?

And then he storms out of the treehouse too.

I’m not sure I like Eli, but I don’t dislike him either. By the which I mean, I didn’t spend the entire movie wanting to punch his face in, so, the writers are improving?

The 2 boys are clueless, but ask Margaret for the money. Jessie announces it’s $38.65. She tells Scott she’s up for a rematch any time he is. Margaret says they’ve made the boys squirm enough for the day and leave.  I’m not sure what she means by that.  Are they supposed to be squirming because EWWWWW GIRLS!!!!! Or because Margaret was right about their treatment of Eldon?

I hope you weren’t curious, because We Don’t Get To Know.

The next scene is in Mr. Duncan’s lab. It’s dark, and the 2 buffoons are breaking in. They are the loudest burglars I’ve ever heard. I know this is a small town but seriously, even the smallest school I’ve ever been to in the tiniest town I’ve ever lived in had an alarm system. Why doesn’t Elkrige High?

There’s a boring scene where the fat man gets stuck in the window and they make A TON OF NOISE  getting him out. Thin buffoon (no, I don’t know their names) somehow has a bunch of needles in his forehead. I guess he landed on them? I blinked and missed it.

The 2 stumble helplessly around the lab. Buffoon one bangs into some windchimes, and…. wait, windchimes? In an Geology teacher’s office? Like, these are freakin’ huge windchimes just randomly chilling in a geologist’s office. They’re not even in a window where they could make a pretty sound, they’re just… by a desk with a fish tank. Ok then. This office also has a bunch of test tubes and chemicals.

And donuts, apparenty, as buffoon number 2 gets excited over them. Buffoon 1 gets scared by a skeleton, scared by a snake… I’m bored. Even as a kid I HATED it when the bad guys were buffoons.

Here comes Jessie and Margaret to NOT save me from my boredom. Jessie says sometimes it seems like Margaret really likes “that Scott.”

Margaret agrees that she kinda likes him like a boyfriend and then Jessie becomes less likeable as she says “yuck! boys are totally gross!”

Sigh. A kid can’t ever have a normal healthy of the opposite gender. They must either find the opposite gender disgusting or adorable.

When I was Jessie’s age, I saw boys as –gasp– HUMANS and potential friends! I wish writers would stop writing children in black and white like that. There are a zillion shades of in between “ew cooties!” and “be sure to wear a condem so you don’t GET cooties.” Seriously writers!

Anyway, Jessie and Margaret are walking by the school and, by the power of their awesome detective skills (by the which I mean, their fully functional EARS) they deduce that someone is in the school.

They see the buffoons running. Margaret first checks to see they’re ok, then discovers they have the map. She grabs it and they both run. Suddenly, the buffoons disappear! Margaret and Jessie prove to me that they have no brain cells by walking back and checking behind the dark dumpster.

Fortunately for them, they find buffoon #2 spread eagle on his back. Eldon peers out behind the dumpster.

Right, because heaven forbid the girls use their wits to save THEMSELVES, oh noooo can’t have THAT, they need a MAN to save them!

I’ve given myself a headache with all the eye rolling.

Eldon recognizes the buffoon as Amaldamar’s friend. And they’ve forgotten about buffoon number 1, who comes out to scare them, but fortunately for the kids is too incompetent to actually do anything to them.

They knock out the buffoons (or the buffoons knock themselves out, I can’t tell which) and tie them to the railing of the school.

I’m thinking now would be a good time to call the police, or maybe that would’ve been somewhere before if there had been time, but as we all know, the Buttercreamers are adverse to doing any such thing. You get the feeling they ARE the town’s police force and EMS all rolled into one.

The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain, Part 2

I apologize this is taking so long. I’m running into technical difficulties (thank you, Apple) which make watching this movie even more painful than it already is. Also, please excuse the errors in spelling. My H key is having issues. I’m not just trying for a bad French accent, I promise.

We last left the Buttercreamers as Elton’s uncle was about to have the expert unroll the parchment. The expert is clearly the same guy who played the captain all those years ago. Apparently he’s an expert from Spain, who knows a lot about the Spanish conquest. Eldon has this weird, suspicious/angry look on his face.

The expert’s name is… Amaldamar (spelling?), and he unrolls the scroll. As he’s doing that, the 2 men from the 1500s (it’s remarkable, they look just like their ancestors, and they haven’t aged a day!) By the way, wouldn’t 7 generations have been long gone by now, IF the 2 men’s families would even have been loyal to the oath for that long?  5 centuries, and only 7 generations tops. I’m not buying it.

Anyway, these 2 men proceed to act like 5 year olds… I take it back, that’s an insult to 5 year olds. These men act more like… puppies. They bumble around and knock things over, as they get excited over a goldfish in a beaker. I know it’s a cliche in children’s movies to have incompetent side kicks, but my GOD can we PLEASE stop insulting the intelligence of children everywhere and GET RID OF THIS?

Amaldamar pins the parchment to a tray and brushes dust off it with a paintbrush. Eldon is excited.

[quote] For the first time in my life, I’m going to do something right!”[/quote]

I think I just grew a bit of sympathy for Eldon. I’ve felt that way myself a LOT. Especially growing up within the rigid confines of conservative Christianity.

It doesn’t seem to take Amaldamar very long to unroll the scroll. I speculate that in real life, this process takes hours and hours and is very boring.

Amaldamar says he can read it, despite years of damage. Amaldamar informs everyone that it is merely an old farming map from 100-150 years ago, and not from the Conquistador period at all. He offers then $100 for it. Eldon says he’d rather have it on display at the local school.

Which makes no sense because Eldon is trying to save up $49.99 for that stupid book, so he really should take the money and run.

Mr. Dunkin does try to make Eldon feel better by giving him some recognition for discovering it.

In the next scene we have… Eldon running…oh god…. seriously? A lemonade stand? What is he, 8? I have never heard of anyone over the age of 10 being caught dead running one.

Meanwhile, the rest of the butter creamers are holding what looks like skate races people pay to participate in. The money goes to save Mr. Graff’s house. Which seems like a heck of a lot better than a lemonade stand. And anyway, right now Eldon isn’t trying to make money from the lemonade stand for Mr. Graff. Right now Eldon is desperate for the $50 book that will tell him how to get rich “with nothing down.”

Eldon is also a sucky business person. As he yells is fool head off going “Ice cold lemonade!” there are 2 girls standing right in front of him. They look to be about 8 and 6, but still, don’t ignore the short people Elden, and never ignore a potential customer. 8 year olds get pocket money, right? Maybe they want some lemonade.

Unfortunately, they don’t want to fork over a quarter for it. Eldon tries to explain to the kids that this is a fundraiser, and that he needs to makes some money. One look at their cute little faces, however, and he caves. Well, of course, the 2 girls tell EVERYONE. Soon Eldon has given all his lemonade away.

I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that Eldon is supposed to be around 14/15, and that the actor playing him is at least 17, possibly 18-19.

Meanwhile, during the skating race, we’re told Jessie is very good, and has “already beat 3 boys her own age.” The boys talk about getting someone better than her to “teach her a lesson.” Because of course a female athlete who is better than the boys can not be tolerated. She must be taught “a lesson.” Gag gag gag. This movie has more girls in it and it still manages to be more sexist than the last one.

Scott decides to race Jessie. Margaret argues that it would be unfair, as Jessie’s been racing all day and she’s probably tired.

Jessie: I’m not tired

Margaret: Jessie he’s way older than you.

Jessie: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I like this kid.

Jessie also goes on to say that she’s a butter creamer, and that she won’t back down from a fight with a boy, at which point Lanny shoots back, “you’re a buttercream ette.”

Jesus fuckin CHRIST are you KIDDING me? So, female members have to have the “ettes” attached to their name? In the last movie, the buttercreamettes were LITTLE girls. Girls who looked like they 8 or younger, MAYBE some short 10 year olds. Scott will later state that Jessie is 11. She is definitely too old to be a buttercreamette. Also, she is smarter than Eldon and Lanny put together and multiplied, but she can’t be a REAL butter creamer because she lacks The Almighty Penis(tm).

I almost liked it better when they just left out the girls entirely.

There’s some long boring footage of the skate race between Scott and Jessie. Spoiler alert, Jessie wins. I actually kind of like the music in this movie. Especially because there are no words for me to find insane.

I think I’ll stop here for now. Next time we get to see more of the actual plot. be prepared for more bumbling side kicks, more of Eldon being a complete doofus, and, sadly, less of Jessie kicking Scott in the pride.

The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain Part

This review is long in coming, because I had to throw in some abstinence days, and there is no way in hell I can watch this movie without booze. You see, this movie isn’t nearly as bad as it’s predecessor –it’s WORSE. The first movie at least passed the “can I watch it while sober” test. This one… doesn’t. It somehow manages to take something exciting (looking for buried treasure) and make it wicked boring.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the movie, here’s the description from amazon.

[quote] A monk’s counsel is as clear as the desert air: “Sometimes the greatest treasure you can ever find is within yourself.” And the words are well-timed wisdom to ButterCreamer Eldon after he finds part of an ancient map and becomes intrigued with the search for hidden treasure. Unaware that danger lurks in the shadows, Eldon talks the other ButterCreamers into helping hunt for conquistador gold – as a way to help their ailing and needy friend, Mr. Graff. But Eldon almost lets his secret wish for fame disrupt those plans. The young man must discover something more precious than gold – that being a true hero is often nothing more than caring enough to help someone in need and persevering until that need is met.  [/quote]

I am going to TRY to get this done in 5 parts or less. Laugh at me now because that is sooo not happening, partly because I have a life and partly because I can’t handle that much booze in one setting. These reviews will likely be rather short.

Apparently FFF doesn’t like hearing impaired persons, because this movie has no options for subtitles. There’s a parents’ guide in the bonus material that we will be going over at the end of these reviews. No, I don’t know how long they’re going to take me. It’s hard because I have crippling depression, a real life, and am only convinced that one or two people are reading these. Whatever, *I* like doing it, that’s what matters.

Michael D Weatheredd is not in this movie. Which is sad because Pete was the most interesting character in the first movie hands down, BUT Elton was the second most interesting, so, this is as good as we’re going to get.

The scene opens in Elkridge, in the year 1562.  3 men dressed like pilgrims?

They’re walking with a big chest. 2 of them have an argument about why one men fell, and then the Indians find them. As one of the Indian turns his back to us, I think I can see his underpants. But I didn’t look too closely.

They run from the Indians. Next we are shown a cave, with the voice over saying a verse of scripture: But when you are invited to the house, go and sit in the lowest room, that when he comes, he may say unto thee “friend, go up higher.”

That verse never made much sense to me either, but I’m guessing it did in Jesus’ time, because 2,000 years ago is 2,000 years ago and I am 2,000 years into Jesus’ future.

We then see a man writing these words. Then we are shown… a different part of the cave? The 3 men drop the treasure chest, which we are shown is full of gold coins.

Seriously? That was dumb. Apparently Apple doesn’t allow you to take screen grabs of your own dvds. I had to find another way to play it. This one the quality is kind of less but whatever. Rawr Apple, you used to be so good and then you just got so BAD.

In any case, I figured out how to grab them, so it’s good.

Ah, it turns out that the old man is the father of the 3 men, and he said they returned sooner than he expected.

Man1: we must leave at once, many savages are pursuing us

Man 2: I refuse to let our gold fall into the wrong hands!

Apparently man 2 is the captain, and the other 2 men are all that remains of his crew. Except for some reason the captain refuses to claim them? When asked how many of his crew is left, the two men put their arms around each other and smile.

Captain: None

I also think they’re the same actors that will later show up, but prosopognosia makes it hard to tell.

Priest: Then I cannot help you.

Captain: (drawing his sword) May I remind you of your holy obligation to the British Empire. you will help us or I will offer you to these savages in return for my life.

Whoops. Looks like when they called him “father” they meant more like, “priest.” Whoopsie.

There’s some talk about how the Indians will fight for their land.

The captain cuts up the map, so they each have only part of it. 3 pieces total. Then he makes them all promise to be loyal to him and serve him and his family,  to the 7th generation, till the gold comes into his (or his families’) hands again. The two men, who are at gunpoint, swear.

The priest crosses himself and prays before the treasure chest. Then he buries it for safe keeping.

Priest: And may the earth forever keep it safe, rather than letting it fall into the wrong hands.

We are then shown an Indian looking for the treasure, but not finding it. So, Native Americans are the wrong hands for gold, apparently.

Next we’re shown a scene of a Buttercream Boy waterboarding? No, water SKIING. He’s doing really badly. Hey look, I see persons of color! This movie definitely has more diversity than the last one. I take back some of the things I said about racism in the last movie, but not all, because Hispanics are bad because gangs and oh look, Pete is Hispanic and he totally looks it because….um…. look a butterfly!

Left to right: Lanny, Eli, and Scott call out encouragement to Eldon.

Anyway, as Elton tries (and fails) to water ski, we’re shown Margaret, Mr. Duncan, and some kids I don’t recognize walking along the shore with a metal detector. Because of course Margaret couldn’t be with the boys water skiing. She’s wearing a very modest bathing suit under a long ish jacket.

I LOVE her bathing suit, btw. It’s totally my color

Which, for the 1990s, wasn’t really out of place. So, the makers of this movie are not for wholesome swimwear, And I get the impression the jacket is more for warmth than modesty.

Also, I haven’t seen anyone USE a metal detector since the 1990s. Even then I don’t remember it being too popular. In any case, Margaret asks Mr. Duncan if he wants to try water skiing, but he says he’ll leave all that to his nephew Elton. Or maybe not, since Eldon is really really bad at it. Then he talks about how persistence is very important, moreso than skill. Scotty boy tells Eldon not to give up, because Buttercreamers never give up.

I’m resisting the urge to quote Galaxy Quest: Never give up, Never surrender!

Whoops, guess I just quoted the Tim Allen’s character from Galaxy Quest.

Elton decides he’s got too many skis and decides to try using only one. Since he has no wakeboard, I suspect the kid is going to break his leg.

My prediction turns out to be false.

Eldon: I’ll master this waterskiing if it’s the last thing I do

Eli: Normally, I’d say don’t hold your breath, but in this case you’d better.

Such a nice new Buttercreamer we have here! I have to say, this movie is better than it’s parent about introducing characters. We’re not even 10 minutes into the movie (unless you count the thing with the Spanish people in helmets) and I know at least 2 new character’s names: Mr. Duncan, and Eli. I feel like that’s a record for this company, so, progress, I guess.

We’re shown a shot of a little girl playing with a rope

Sarah, aren’t you old enough to know better?

Unfortunately, the rope is still attached to a boat. I feel like someone her age should be able to figure that out but what do I know. Anyway, shots of the girl playing are interspersed with scenes of Scott successfully waterskiing as Eldon tries to take off one ski and somehow only balance on it.

Meanwhile, Mr. Duncan gets excited because Jessie finds an old Indian arrowhead. Mr. Duncan gets extremely excited, and says it could be 100-300 years old. He knows this because he is a junior high science teacher.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and variations thereof, meet the most awesome character in the whole movie: Jessie.

Eldon is the first to notice Sarah is in danger, and tries to get off his other ski so he can. He ends up falling in the lake as Scott rescues Sarah, and is then hugged by a grateful mother.

Which…. the mother was actually really close by and paying attention. She starts screaming for someone to help her little girl. Why didn’t she just go down there and start frantically trying to untangle the rope? Why did she wait for Scott and Lanny to do it?

Oh right. Women in this movie are still semi useless. But at least we get some scenes of Jessie being cool, so I’ll try to suck on that little pacifier they threw my way.

Eldon is disappointed he didn’t get to be the hero. I can sympathize with that. Lanny tries to cheer him up by saying it was a group effort (It wasn’t, Eldon was too busy  flailing about on his skis, but he gets credit from me for trying.)

Lanny tells Eldon he’s the Buttercream clown who makes them laugh. Eldon says they don’t need a clown, Lanny argues a bit, then agrees. I disagree, by the way. Everyone needs someone to make them laugh.  Eldon climbs onto the dock and says, “Just once I’d like to be the hero instead of Scott.”

And I’d like for Scott to be knocked off his high horse too, so we’re in agreement.

Mr. Duncan takes the gang to the cliffs… hang on, there were no cliffs in the last movie, where did they come from? We spent a lot of time with Scott and Pete at the lake in the last movie with no cliffs in sight. And where is Elkridge supposed to be located? When reading up on the last movie, I was under the impression it was supposed to be a rural town in Maine. I don’t think Spanish explorers came to Maine in the 1500s. Actually, would they even have set foot on the North American continent in the 1500s?

Mr. Duncan Talks to Eli about the origin of the Buttercream Gang which, since he’s part of it, he probably already knows. Wow this old clunker of a computer takes FOREVER to start playing again after I un pause it and crashes frequently. This wouldn’t have happened if I could’ve used Apple’s movie player.

Mr. Duncan doesn’t even know what they’re looking for. “A sign saying ‘Spanish Conquistadors slept here.'”

Eldon finds something with Spanish writing on it. Eli sounds like he speaks Spanish, but it’s never stated outright. He says it’s 6 or 7 months old and looks like the twist off cap from a bottle of Mexican Beer.

How does Eli know what Mexican Beer caps look like, anyway? This movie was made by a Mormon company, aren’t Mormons against drinking? At least, that’s what Elizabeth Smart said in her book I just read.

Scott finds a dubloon, and everyone gets really excited.  Eldon feels bad and storms off.

He comes across a group of little girls, one of whom falls and scrapes her knee. And starts crying.

Does it hurt? Uh huh!

Eldon stops to make sure she’s ok, comforts her a bit and tells her to run along and ask uncle will (Mr. Duncan) for a bandaid.

I give Margaret credit for going after Eldon when he runs off because oh yeah, she’s following him and still doesn’t manage to catch up even though the hurt girl has slowed him down.

I actually sympathize with Eldon. I used to want a little credit too. Still like it when it comes my way, actually, and I think the human race in general just likes to be appreciated.

A littler boy, Connor, follows after Margaret as she runs after Eldon. When she finds Eldon, Margaret tells Connor to “stay.” Like he’s a dog.

Ooooh do you think she’ll give him a TREAT afterwards?

I need more booze.

Those kids are NOT wearing appropriate shoes for traipsing around the cliffs. I mean the little kids, not the older ones. The older ones are wearing what looks like hiking sandals, Except for Margaret, who is in flip flops.

Is this guy the same actor who played Mr. Graff in the first movie? A quick google search reveals it is, he just shaved. Stupid prosopognosia! Yes, WordPress, that IS a real word. Jeez.

Eldon says just once he’d like to be a hero and have everyone know it. Instead of listening like a good friend, Margaret cuts him off

I liked her better when she was a geek.

She already thinks Eldon is a hero, because:

Margaret: you’re nice, you’re funny. my mom always says that real heroes are the ones that help others without their knowing it, without all the praise.

Seriously? In the movie this girl is supposed to be 14/15 ish. She should have better reasons by now than, “my mom says.” If she agrees so much with what her mom says, why isn’t she saying the same thing while omitting the “my mom says” part?  Seriously!

Eldon: my mom says the same thing over and over.

Margaret tells him he should come back to the group, but Eldon decides he needs some alone time.

When Margaret is gone, he decides that if the rains washed that coin down, maybe there’s still stuff up there.

Eli sounds the alarm that Eldon is “in a precarious situation” and proceeds to act like a walking dictionary when the other boys ask him to define precarious and seriously? THESE PEOPLE JUST GRADUATED JR HIGH! The word “precarious” was in my THIRD GRADE vocabulary quiz. And that’s about the age I’d guess Eli to be. Seriously, writers!

Everybody tells Eldon he should get down, because waht he is doing is dangerous.

For once, I agree.

When Elton tells them his logic about the rain washing down the doubloon, Mr. Duncan says the cliff face is so soft anything would’ve fallen into the lake 100 years ago. Pretentious adults, exactly what this movie needs.

Eldon falls a little ways down the cliff, finding a stick with an ancient bit of parchment around it as he falls the rest of the way down the cliff.

Hey everybody, look what Eldon found!

Mr. Duncan stops Eldon. They shouldn’t unwrap the document because it’s really old and they could crumble it. Mr. Duncan says he’s going to take it very carefully to an expert. Finally, someone in this movie starts making some sense!

Eldon gets a hearty congratulations.

Scene change!

Mr. Graff had a heart attack and is forced to sell his house. The reverend explains it to them. Since Mr. Graff owns the property the treehouse is on, Mr. Graff isn’t just losing his house, they are losing their treehouse. To his credit, Eldon says that Mr. Graff’s losing his house is worse than them losing their treehouse.

Mr. Graff comes along and is happy the Buttercreamers have been helping. It was supposed to be a surprise, apparently.

A real estate agent comes with potential buyers. The woman gives Eldon a kiss on the cheek, leaving behind red lipstick. These adults behave like caricatures. It’s too stupid.

The man shows Eldon his book on how to get rich, which costs $49.95

The woman calls Mr. Graff a “cute old man” and starts fake crying because he reminds her of her “dear old daddy.”

I have seen men who remind me of grandpa, who passed away recently, but I would never presume to speak to them like this woman does. She is just so disrespectful and condescending and NO HUMAN BEING ACTUALLY BEHAVES THIS WAY IN REAL LIFE. (by the which I mean the over the top fakeness, not the disrespectful and condescending part.)

Yes, this is the best screenshot I could get. He doesn’t show it for more than 1 second.

Man: Hi, I’m Mr. I can’t catch his name, and I like to think of myself as an author. Perhaps you’ve heard of my book, how to make a million dollars with nothing down

Eldon: you can do that?

Man: sure, just buy my book for $49.95

Scott: I thought you said nothing down.

Unfortunately, Eldon looks interested. He says he can make the money for the book, easy. The man gives him a piece of paper, saying that Eldon can send him the money for it when he gets it.

The man and woman exit the stage, and thank God we never see them again. But we get to hear all about Eldon wanting that book. Seriously, this guy is just about to start high school, he should know better.

The Buttercreamers set out on a mission to save Mr. Graff’s house. Eldon says, “I know what I can do” and runs off. The other boys follow Eldon, who bikes out on a road to the middle of nowhere, and then we get treated to a fantasy he has of him being the hero and congratulated by everyone and then Margaret will like him instead of Scott…

Eldon apparently has gone to Uncle Will’s lab, where he begs his uncle to unroll the scroll, because he has to know what he found.

Well, what DID he find? Is it merely an old band poster? Is it a treasure map? A page from a porn novel? tune in next time to find out!