Buttercream Gang Posts Postponed

I will never work with dvds again, I swear. All Buttercream Gang posts are hereby suspended till I can find a dvd drive that actually WORKS. My dinosaur of a macbook has kicked the bucket on that regard, and my new frisbee Macbook Air does not, of course, have a dvd drive.

It could be a while. A LONG while.

I don’t know when I’ll GET a dvd drive. It could be a long time. So, in the meantime, I’m going to start on what I wanted to work on after I was done with Buttercreamers.

How many of you remember the show McGee and Me? Well you’re about to go on a trip down memory lane. Or not, in which case, lucky you.


The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain part 3

I scheduled this to be posted today so I don’t know why it didn’t. Fortunately I kept backups this time, having learned that wordpress eats posts for breakfast on occasion.

Part 3

My H Key is still missing. I’ll try and proof read but in case I miss something, blame my keyboard.

When we last left our fearless heroes, they were in the treehouse waiting for Margaret to come by with the money they made from the skate races. Earlier it was said that the races cost $3 each, soooo wow. I thought fundraisers knew they had to make it cost more than THAT, right?

In any case, Scotty Boy licks his wounds about being beat by an 11 year old GIRL.

Eldon has to inform them that the lemonade stand not only didn’t MAKE any money, but he LOST $7. In the background, Eli is sitting in the treehouse writing something.

What? Eli looks like he’s Jessie’s age or younger. And they have no problem with HIM being a Buttercreamer, but God forbid JESSIE hold the title. Good Lord, I CAN’T with these people anymore!

Lanny: I told you not to invest in that dumb lemonade stand. You should’ve pulled together with me and Scott.

I agree that the lemonade stand was dumb, but… honestly I’m not seeing a reason Eldon should’ve stuck with them? I mean, if he’d raced Jessie, he only would’ve made an extra $3.

Eldon: Well I guess I can’t be as perfect as you guys!

He storms out of the treehouse, and Margaret and Jessie come up. Margaret actually shouts “Girls coming up!” like they need a warning. Lanny pulls a rope which triggers a “Keep Out” sign.

Buttercream boy: Hey, you know you’re not supposed to be up here.

Um, what? Margaret is a Buttercreamer. I guess they don’t consider Jessie one (but that’s stupid) but Margaret is the boys’ age. Why THE HELL is it a boys only club, still, even with female members?

Besides, they KNEW Margaret was coming by earlier, why THE HELL are they getting mad at her now? What did they expect her to do, throw the money at the treehouse? Boys need to get over their cooties thing. That was SO first grade.

Margaret is way cooler than I am about this whole thing. She strolls into the treehouse, ignoring the boys’ sexism, and asks where Eldon is off to in such a bad mood.

Which is probably a better way to handle it than what I would’ve done, actually, which would be to take Lanny and Scott and throw them headfirst out of the treehouse.

Margaret asks if the guys were teasing Eldon again, to which Lanny responds that they were just telling him the truth.

Yeah, in a teasing manner you stupid jerk.

Margaret doesn’t say that. I wish she would. Someone needs to kick these boys in the ego, because during this whole time Scott’s had this huge smirk on his face. No, I can’t get screenshots because technology issues.

Margaret explains that Eldon doesn’t feel like he belongs with the rest of the Buttercreamers, and I could point out that Margaret and Jessie have more right to feel that way because THEY’RE the ones who are constantly put down and marginalized because VAGINA.

Scott: Eldon needs to learn that we’re a team.

Me: And the team has to do the same thing all the time? Drop dead Scott.

Eli: I think Eldon knows that. Do you?

And then he storms out of the treehouse too.

I’m not sure I like Eli, but I don’t dislike him either. By the which I mean, I didn’t spend the entire movie wanting to punch his face in, so, the writers are improving?

The 2 boys are clueless, but ask Margaret for the money. Jessie announces it’s $38.65. She tells Scott she’s up for a rematch any time he is. Margaret says they’ve made the boys squirm enough for the day and leave.  I’m not sure what she means by that.  Are they supposed to be squirming because EWWWWW GIRLS!!!!! Or because Margaret was right about their treatment of Eldon?

I hope you weren’t curious, because We Don’t Get To Know.

The next scene is in Mr. Duncan’s lab. It’s dark, and the 2 buffoons are breaking in. They are the loudest burglars I’ve ever heard. I know this is a small town but seriously, even the smallest school I’ve ever been to in the tiniest town I’ve ever lived in had an alarm system. Why doesn’t Elkrige High?

There’s a boring scene where the fat man gets stuck in the window and they make A TON OF NOISE  getting him out. Thin buffoon (no, I don’t know their names) somehow has a bunch of needles in his forehead. I guess he landed on them? I blinked and missed it.

The 2 stumble helplessly around the lab. Buffoon one bangs into some windchimes, and…. wait, windchimes? In an Geology teacher’s office? Like, these are freakin’ huge windchimes just randomly chilling in a geologist’s office. They’re not even in a window where they could make a pretty sound, they’re just… by a desk with a fish tank. Ok then. This office also has a bunch of test tubes and chemicals.

And donuts, apparenty, as buffoon number 2 gets excited over them. Buffoon 1 gets scared by a skeleton, scared by a snake… I’m bored. Even as a kid I HATED it when the bad guys were buffoons.

Here comes Jessie and Margaret to NOT save me from my boredom. Jessie says sometimes it seems like Margaret really likes “that Scott.”

Margaret agrees that she kinda likes him like a boyfriend and then Jessie becomes less likeable as she says “yuck! boys are totally gross!”

Sigh. A kid can’t ever have a normal healthy of the opposite gender. They must either find the opposite gender disgusting or adorable.

When I was Jessie’s age, I saw boys as –gasp– HUMANS and potential friends! I wish writers would stop writing children in black and white like that. There are a zillion shades of in between “ew cooties!” and “be sure to wear a condem so you don’t GET cooties.” Seriously writers!

Anyway, Jessie and Margaret are walking by the school and, by the power of their awesome detective skills (by the which I mean, their fully functional EARS) they deduce that someone is in the school.

They see the buffoons running. Margaret first checks to see they’re ok, then discovers they have the map. She grabs it and they both run. Suddenly, the buffoons disappear! Margaret and Jessie prove to me that they have no brain cells by walking back and checking behind the dark dumpster.

Fortunately for them, they find buffoon #2 spread eagle on his back. Eldon peers out behind the dumpster.

Right, because heaven forbid the girls use their wits to save THEMSELVES, oh noooo can’t have THAT, they need a MAN to save them!

I’ve given myself a headache with all the eye rolling.

Eldon recognizes the buffoon as Amaldamar’s friend. And they’ve forgotten about buffoon number 1, who comes out to scare them, but fortunately for the kids is too incompetent to actually do anything to them.

They knock out the buffoons (or the buffoons knock themselves out, I can’t tell which) and tie them to the railing of the school.

I’m thinking now would be a good time to call the police, or maybe that would’ve been somewhere before if there had been time, but as we all know, the Buttercreamers are adverse to doing any such thing. You get the feeling they ARE the town’s police force and EMS all rolled into one.

The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain, Part 2

I apologize this is taking so long. I’m running into technical difficulties (thank you, Apple) which make watching this movie even more painful than it already is. Also, please excuse the errors in spelling. My H key is having issues. I’m not just trying for a bad French accent, I promise.

We last left the Buttercreamers as Elton’s uncle was about to have the expert unroll the parchment. The expert is clearly the same guy who played the captain all those years ago. Apparently he’s an expert from Spain, who knows a lot about the Spanish conquest. Eldon has this weird, suspicious/angry look on his face.

The expert’s name is… Amaldamar (spelling?), and he unrolls the scroll. As he’s doing that, the 2 men from the 1500s (it’s remarkable, they look just like their ancestors, and they haven’t aged a day!) By the way, wouldn’t 7 generations have been long gone by now, IF the 2 men’s families would even have been loyal to the oath for that long?  5 centuries, and only 7 generations tops. I’m not buying it.

Anyway, these 2 men proceed to act like 5 year olds… I take it back, that’s an insult to 5 year olds. These men act more like… puppies. They bumble around and knock things over, as they get excited over a goldfish in a beaker. I know it’s a cliche in children’s movies to have incompetent side kicks, but my GOD can we PLEASE stop insulting the intelligence of children everywhere and GET RID OF THIS?

Amaldamar pins the parchment to a tray and brushes dust off it with a paintbrush. Eldon is excited.

[quote] For the first time in my life, I’m going to do something right!”[/quote]

I think I just grew a bit of sympathy for Eldon. I’ve felt that way myself a LOT. Especially growing up within the rigid confines of conservative Christianity.

It doesn’t seem to take Amaldamar very long to unroll the scroll. I speculate that in real life, this process takes hours and hours and is very boring.

Amaldamar says he can read it, despite years of damage. Amaldamar informs everyone that it is merely an old farming map from 100-150 years ago, and not from the Conquistador period at all. He offers then $100 for it. Eldon says he’d rather have it on display at the local school.

Which makes no sense because Eldon is trying to save up $49.99 for that stupid book, so he really should take the money and run.

Mr. Dunkin does try to make Eldon feel better by giving him some recognition for discovering it.

In the next scene we have… Eldon running…oh god…. seriously? A lemonade stand? What is he, 8? I have never heard of anyone over the age of 10 being caught dead running one.

Meanwhile, the rest of the butter creamers are holding what looks like skate races people pay to participate in. The money goes to save Mr. Graff’s house. Which seems like a heck of a lot better than a lemonade stand. And anyway, right now Eldon isn’t trying to make money from the lemonade stand for Mr. Graff. Right now Eldon is desperate for the $50 book that will tell him how to get rich “with nothing down.”

Eldon is also a sucky business person. As he yells is fool head off going “Ice cold lemonade!” there are 2 girls standing right in front of him. They look to be about 8 and 6, but still, don’t ignore the short people Elden, and never ignore a potential customer. 8 year olds get pocket money, right? Maybe they want some lemonade.

Unfortunately, they don’t want to fork over a quarter for it. Eldon tries to explain to the kids that this is a fundraiser, and that he needs to makes some money. One look at their cute little faces, however, and he caves. Well, of course, the 2 girls tell EVERYONE. Soon Eldon has given all his lemonade away.

I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that Eldon is supposed to be around 14/15, and that the actor playing him is at least 17, possibly 18-19.

Meanwhile, during the skating race, we’re told Jessie is very good, and has “already beat 3 boys her own age.” The boys talk about getting someone better than her to “teach her a lesson.” Because of course a female athlete who is better than the boys can not be tolerated. She must be taught “a lesson.” Gag gag gag. This movie has more girls in it and it still manages to be more sexist than the last one.

Scott decides to race Jessie. Margaret argues that it would be unfair, as Jessie’s been racing all day and she’s probably tired.

Jessie: I’m not tired

Margaret: Jessie he’s way older than you.

Jessie: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I like this kid.

Jessie also goes on to say that she’s a butter creamer, and that she won’t back down from a fight with a boy, at which point Lanny shoots back, “you’re a buttercream ette.”

Jesus fuckin CHRIST are you KIDDING me? So, female members have to have the “ettes” attached to their name? In the last movie, the buttercreamettes were LITTLE girls. Girls who looked like they 8 or younger, MAYBE some short 10 year olds. Scott will later state that Jessie is 11. She is definitely too old to be a buttercreamette. Also, she is smarter than Eldon and Lanny put together and multiplied, but she can’t be a REAL butter creamer because she lacks The Almighty Penis(tm).

I almost liked it better when they just left out the girls entirely.

There’s some long boring footage of the skate race between Scott and Jessie. Spoiler alert, Jessie wins. I actually kind of like the music in this movie. Especially because there are no words for me to find insane.

I think I’ll stop here for now. Next time we get to see more of the actual plot. be prepared for more bumbling side kicks, more of Eldon being a complete doofus, and, sadly, less of Jessie kicking Scott in the pride.

The Buttercream Gang: Secret of Treasure Mountain Part

This review is long in coming, because I had to throw in some abstinence days, and there is no way in hell I can watch this movie without booze. You see, this movie isn’t nearly as bad as it’s predecessor –it’s WORSE. The first movie at least passed the “can I watch it while sober” test. This one… doesn’t. It somehow manages to take something exciting (looking for buried treasure) and make it wicked boring.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the movie, here’s the description from amazon.

[quote] A monk’s counsel is as clear as the desert air: “Sometimes the greatest treasure you can ever find is within yourself.” And the words are well-timed wisdom to ButterCreamer Eldon after he finds part of an ancient map and becomes intrigued with the search for hidden treasure. Unaware that danger lurks in the shadows, Eldon talks the other ButterCreamers into helping hunt for conquistador gold – as a way to help their ailing and needy friend, Mr. Graff. But Eldon almost lets his secret wish for fame disrupt those plans. The young man must discover something more precious than gold – that being a true hero is often nothing more than caring enough to help someone in need and persevering until that need is met.  [/quote]

I am going to TRY to get this done in 5 parts or less. Laugh at me now because that is sooo not happening, partly because I have a life and partly because I can’t handle that much booze in one setting. These reviews will likely be rather short.

Apparently FFF doesn’t like hearing impaired persons, because this movie has no options for subtitles. There’s a parents’ guide in the bonus material that we will be going over at the end of these reviews. No, I don’t know how long they’re going to take me. It’s hard because I have crippling depression, a real life, and am only convinced that one or two people are reading these. Whatever, *I* like doing it, that’s what matters.

Michael D Weatheredd is not in this movie. Which is sad because Pete was the most interesting character in the first movie hands down, BUT Elton was the second most interesting, so, this is as good as we’re going to get.

The scene opens in Elkridge, in the year 1562.  3 men dressed like pilgrims?

They’re walking with a big chest. 2 of them have an argument about why one men fell, and then the Indians find them. As one of the Indian turns his back to us, I think I can see his underpants. But I didn’t look too closely.

They run from the Indians. Next we are shown a cave, with the voice over saying a verse of scripture: But when you are invited to the house, go and sit in the lowest room, that when he comes, he may say unto thee “friend, go up higher.”

That verse never made much sense to me either, but I’m guessing it did in Jesus’ time, because 2,000 years ago is 2,000 years ago and I am 2,000 years into Jesus’ future.

We then see a man writing these words. Then we are shown… a different part of the cave? The 3 men drop the treasure chest, which we are shown is full of gold coins.

Seriously? That was dumb. Apparently Apple doesn’t allow you to take screen grabs of your own dvds. I had to find another way to play it. This one the quality is kind of less but whatever. Rawr Apple, you used to be so good and then you just got so BAD.

In any case, I figured out how to grab them, so it’s good.

Ah, it turns out that the old man is the father of the 3 men, and he said they returned sooner than he expected.

Man1: we must leave at once, many savages are pursuing us

Man 2: I refuse to let our gold fall into the wrong hands!

Apparently man 2 is the captain, and the other 2 men are all that remains of his crew. Except for some reason the captain refuses to claim them? When asked how many of his crew is left, the two men put their arms around each other and smile.

Captain: None

I also think they’re the same actors that will later show up, but prosopognosia makes it hard to tell.

Priest: Then I cannot help you.

Captain: (drawing his sword) May I remind you of your holy obligation to the British Empire. you will help us or I will offer you to these savages in return for my life.

Whoops. Looks like when they called him “father” they meant more like, “priest.” Whoopsie.

There’s some talk about how the Indians will fight for their land.

The captain cuts up the map, so they each have only part of it. 3 pieces total. Then he makes them all promise to be loyal to him and serve him and his family,  to the 7th generation, till the gold comes into his (or his families’) hands again. The two men, who are at gunpoint, swear.

The priest crosses himself and prays before the treasure chest. Then he buries it for safe keeping.

Priest: And may the earth forever keep it safe, rather than letting it fall into the wrong hands.

We are then shown an Indian looking for the treasure, but not finding it. So, Native Americans are the wrong hands for gold, apparently.

Next we’re shown a scene of a Buttercream Boy waterboarding? No, water SKIING. He’s doing really badly. Hey look, I see persons of color! This movie definitely has more diversity than the last one. I take back some of the things I said about racism in the last movie, but not all, because Hispanics are bad because gangs and oh look, Pete is Hispanic and he totally looks it because….um…. look a butterfly!

Left to right: Lanny, Eli, and Scott call out encouragement to Eldon.

Anyway, as Elton tries (and fails) to water ski, we’re shown Margaret, Mr. Duncan, and some kids I don’t recognize walking along the shore with a metal detector. Because of course Margaret couldn’t be with the boys water skiing. She’s wearing a very modest bathing suit under a long ish jacket.

I LOVE her bathing suit, btw. It’s totally my color

Which, for the 1990s, wasn’t really out of place. So, the makers of this movie are not for wholesome swimwear, And I get the impression the jacket is more for warmth than modesty.

Also, I haven’t seen anyone USE a metal detector since the 1990s. Even then I don’t remember it being too popular. In any case, Margaret asks Mr. Duncan if he wants to try water skiing, but he says he’ll leave all that to his nephew Elton. Or maybe not, since Eldon is really really bad at it. Then he talks about how persistence is very important, moreso than skill. Scotty boy tells Eldon not to give up, because Buttercreamers never give up.

I’m resisting the urge to quote Galaxy Quest: Never give up, Never surrender!

Whoops, guess I just quoted the Tim Allen’s character from Galaxy Quest.

Elton decides he’s got too many skis and decides to try using only one. Since he has no wakeboard, I suspect the kid is going to break his leg.

My prediction turns out to be false.

Eldon: I’ll master this waterskiing if it’s the last thing I do

Eli: Normally, I’d say don’t hold your breath, but in this case you’d better.

Such a nice new Buttercreamer we have here! I have to say, this movie is better than it’s parent about introducing characters. We’re not even 10 minutes into the movie (unless you count the thing with the Spanish people in helmets) and I know at least 2 new character’s names: Mr. Duncan, and Eli. I feel like that’s a record for this company, so, progress, I guess.

We’re shown a shot of a little girl playing with a rope

Sarah, aren’t you old enough to know better?

Unfortunately, the rope is still attached to a boat. I feel like someone her age should be able to figure that out but what do I know. Anyway, shots of the girl playing are interspersed with scenes of Scott successfully waterskiing as Eldon tries to take off one ski and somehow only balance on it.

Meanwhile, Mr. Duncan gets excited because Jessie finds an old Indian arrowhead. Mr. Duncan gets extremely excited, and says it could be 100-300 years old. He knows this because he is a junior high science teacher.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and variations thereof, meet the most awesome character in the whole movie: Jessie.

Eldon is the first to notice Sarah is in danger, and tries to get off his other ski so he can. He ends up falling in the lake as Scott rescues Sarah, and is then hugged by a grateful mother.

Which…. the mother was actually really close by and paying attention. She starts screaming for someone to help her little girl. Why didn’t she just go down there and start frantically trying to untangle the rope? Why did she wait for Scott and Lanny to do it?

Oh right. Women in this movie are still semi useless. But at least we get some scenes of Jessie being cool, so I’ll try to suck on that little pacifier they threw my way.

Eldon is disappointed he didn’t get to be the hero. I can sympathize with that. Lanny tries to cheer him up by saying it was a group effort (It wasn’t, Eldon was too busy  flailing about on his skis, but he gets credit from me for trying.)

Lanny tells Eldon he’s the Buttercream clown who makes them laugh. Eldon says they don’t need a clown, Lanny argues a bit, then agrees. I disagree, by the way. Everyone needs someone to make them laugh.  Eldon climbs onto the dock and says, “Just once I’d like to be the hero instead of Scott.”

And I’d like for Scott to be knocked off his high horse too, so we’re in agreement.

Mr. Duncan takes the gang to the cliffs… hang on, there were no cliffs in the last movie, where did they come from? We spent a lot of time with Scott and Pete at the lake in the last movie with no cliffs in sight. And where is Elkridge supposed to be located? When reading up on the last movie, I was under the impression it was supposed to be a rural town in Maine. I don’t think Spanish explorers came to Maine in the 1500s. Actually, would they even have set foot on the North American continent in the 1500s?

Mr. Duncan Talks to Eli about the origin of the Buttercream Gang which, since he’s part of it, he probably already knows. Wow this old clunker of a computer takes FOREVER to start playing again after I un pause it and crashes frequently. This wouldn’t have happened if I could’ve used Apple’s movie player.

Mr. Duncan doesn’t even know what they’re looking for. “A sign saying ‘Spanish Conquistadors slept here.'”

Eldon finds something with Spanish writing on it. Eli sounds like he speaks Spanish, but it’s never stated outright. He says it’s 6 or 7 months old and looks like the twist off cap from a bottle of Mexican Beer.

How does Eli know what Mexican Beer caps look like, anyway? This movie was made by a Mormon company, aren’t Mormons against drinking? At least, that’s what Elizabeth Smart said in her book I just read.

Scott finds a dubloon, and everyone gets really excited.  Eldon feels bad and storms off.

He comes across a group of little girls, one of whom falls and scrapes her knee. And starts crying.

Does it hurt? Uh huh!

Eldon stops to make sure she’s ok, comforts her a bit and tells her to run along and ask uncle will (Mr. Duncan) for a bandaid.

I give Margaret credit for going after Eldon when he runs off because oh yeah, she’s following him and still doesn’t manage to catch up even though the hurt girl has slowed him down.

I actually sympathize with Eldon. I used to want a little credit too. Still like it when it comes my way, actually, and I think the human race in general just likes to be appreciated.

A littler boy, Connor, follows after Margaret as she runs after Eldon. When she finds Eldon, Margaret tells Connor to “stay.” Like he’s a dog.

Ooooh do you think she’ll give him a TREAT afterwards?

I need more booze.

Those kids are NOT wearing appropriate shoes for traipsing around the cliffs. I mean the little kids, not the older ones. The older ones are wearing what looks like hiking sandals, Except for Margaret, who is in flip flops.

Is this guy the same actor who played Mr. Graff in the first movie? A quick google search reveals it is, he just shaved. Stupid prosopognosia! Yes, WordPress, that IS a real word. Jeez.

Eldon says just once he’d like to be a hero and have everyone know it. Instead of listening like a good friend, Margaret cuts him off

I liked her better when she was a geek.

She already thinks Eldon is a hero, because:

Margaret: you’re nice, you’re funny. my mom always says that real heroes are the ones that help others without their knowing it, without all the praise.

Seriously? In the movie this girl is supposed to be 14/15 ish. She should have better reasons by now than, “my mom says.” If she agrees so much with what her mom says, why isn’t she saying the same thing while omitting the “my mom says” part?  Seriously!

Eldon: my mom says the same thing over and over.

Margaret tells him he should come back to the group, but Eldon decides he needs some alone time.

When Margaret is gone, he decides that if the rains washed that coin down, maybe there’s still stuff up there.

Eli sounds the alarm that Eldon is “in a precarious situation” and proceeds to act like a walking dictionary when the other boys ask him to define precarious and seriously? THESE PEOPLE JUST GRADUATED JR HIGH! The word “precarious” was in my THIRD GRADE vocabulary quiz. And that’s about the age I’d guess Eli to be. Seriously, writers!

Everybody tells Eldon he should get down, because waht he is doing is dangerous.

For once, I agree.

When Elton tells them his logic about the rain washing down the doubloon, Mr. Duncan says the cliff face is so soft anything would’ve fallen into the lake 100 years ago. Pretentious adults, exactly what this movie needs.

Eldon falls a little ways down the cliff, finding a stick with an ancient bit of parchment around it as he falls the rest of the way down the cliff.

Hey everybody, look what Eldon found!

Mr. Duncan stops Eldon. They shouldn’t unwrap the document because it’s really old and they could crumble it. Mr. Duncan says he’s going to take it very carefully to an expert. Finally, someone in this movie starts making some sense!

Eldon gets a hearty congratulations.

Scene change!

Mr. Graff had a heart attack and is forced to sell his house. The reverend explains it to them. Since Mr. Graff owns the property the treehouse is on, Mr. Graff isn’t just losing his house, they are losing their treehouse. To his credit, Eldon says that Mr. Graff’s losing his house is worse than them losing their treehouse.

Mr. Graff comes along and is happy the Buttercreamers have been helping. It was supposed to be a surprise, apparently.

A real estate agent comes with potential buyers. The woman gives Eldon a kiss on the cheek, leaving behind red lipstick. These adults behave like caricatures. It’s too stupid.

The man shows Eldon his book on how to get rich, which costs $49.95

The woman calls Mr. Graff a “cute old man” and starts fake crying because he reminds her of her “dear old daddy.”

I have seen men who remind me of grandpa, who passed away recently, but I would never presume to speak to them like this woman does. She is just so disrespectful and condescending and NO HUMAN BEING ACTUALLY BEHAVES THIS WAY IN REAL LIFE. (by the which I mean the over the top fakeness, not the disrespectful and condescending part.)

Yes, this is the best screenshot I could get. He doesn’t show it for more than 1 second.

Man: Hi, I’m Mr. I can’t catch his name, and I like to think of myself as an author. Perhaps you’ve heard of my book, how to make a million dollars with nothing down

Eldon: you can do that?

Man: sure, just buy my book for $49.95

Scott: I thought you said nothing down.

Unfortunately, Eldon looks interested. He says he can make the money for the book, easy. The man gives him a piece of paper, saying that Eldon can send him the money for it when he gets it.

The man and woman exit the stage, and thank God we never see them again. But we get to hear all about Eldon wanting that book. Seriously, this guy is just about to start high school, he should know better.

The Buttercreamers set out on a mission to save Mr. Graff’s house. Eldon says, “I know what I can do” and runs off. The other boys follow Eldon, who bikes out on a road to the middle of nowhere, and then we get treated to a fantasy he has of him being the hero and congratulated by everyone and then Margaret will like him instead of Scott…

Eldon apparently has gone to Uncle Will’s lab, where he begs his uncle to unroll the scroll, because he has to know what he found.

Well, what DID he find? Is it merely an old band poster? Is it a treasure map? A page from a porn novel? tune in next time to find out!

The Buttercream Gang, The Ultimate Ending

Sorry this has taken me so…. long. Depression hit really hard. Kudos to you who are still checking/reading. Thank you.

Scott tries to hang out with Pete and his gang on the playground, but Pete’s gang get up and move away.

I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t want to hang out with Scott either.

At least Scott is trying to be friendly with them, though I’m going to argue that it’s too little too late. And he’s doing it in such a way that really does come across as stalking.

The LSD song starts playing again, because we’ll forget it if it’s been too long, I guess. People really like this song, for some reason. Youtube comments are all very positive, and asking where they can buy a recording. Anyway, instead of

Life on the streets has taught ME to see the world through different eyes, we get: Life on the streets has taught HIM to see the world through different eyes.

The change is perhaps because Scott is (supposedly) beginning to understand Pete? Nah, sorry, see no evidence of that.

When Pete’s gang ditches Scott on the playground, Instead of going back to his other friends, Scott eats alone. We’re probably supposed to feel sorry for him, but, I don’t, because he could just go eat with Flower Child and Whatshisname.

A girl throws a football at Pete. He catches it and chases her only to be confronted with this

It’s an Ambush!

because that’s not at all creepy and intimidating, jeez! I’d run too if I were Pete… in the opposite direction! Which, unsurprisingly, he does.

Pete and his friends hound Scott and his friends in front of the store.. payback for trying to force him to play football with them I guess.

Pete’s gang trashes the treehouse as Scott and his goons plant flowers (by which I mean real flowers, not Elton Flowers, tee heee hee), through which Pete and his friends then ride their bikes

Scott sends Pete a present. It’s nothing exciting though, just a picture of the old Buttercreamers before Pete left. I’d be disappointed too. By the shape of the package, I thought it was a book. I love books. Seriously, if I thought someone gave me a present and it was just a stupid picture of me and them, I’d be pissed, especially if, like Pete, I was poor and unused to presents.

The song continues as Pete and Scott bump heads.

Finally Margaret puts in an appearance. Scott talks to Margaret about how hard it is to love Pete, because Pete’s doing things to Scott. Margaret teases him about feeling sorry for himself. Scott asks if she could blame her.

Yes, yes I really could, because SCOTT YOU ARE A GODDAM PRICK. Frankly if I knew you, I’d be doing the same things Pete does.

I should probably step outside the I hate Scott box for 5 seconds and comment about Pete pushing Scott away, because he knows Scott doesn’t love him the way he is. And Scott has been the one following Pete around, for the most part. Even if Scott wasn’t such a prick, I’d still push him away, because having him around hurts too much. And he wants to push away his “friend” before his friend is going to do it to him, because Pete knows that’s coming. In fact, for the first part of the whole movie, we mostly see Scott not interacting with Pete, because of Pete’s “bad choices.” I don’t blame Pete at all for his actions, either way you look at it.

Margaret thinks Scott’s made a difference. Pete might not have changed, but Scott has. Hmm. I might have to watch this movie another 4 times (Which would bump the total up to 7 or 8) to see it… maybe? I mean, his approach has gotten (slightly) better, (if you can pretend for 5 minutes that it’s not a tad creepy)  but… his attitude hasn’t. He’s still the same old prick who won’t listen to Pete, and he’s only grudgingly trying to pursue Pete, on the unspoken condition that it change him.

Just listen to Scott complain about how hard it is to love Pete. I have people in my life (certain relatives) who I don’t particularly like. I struggle to like these relatives. But love? That choice to stand by them no matter what, in a non threatening manner and back off when they clearly indicate it? That feeling that I will always have a connection to them? No. I don’t struggle to love my family. If you have to struggle to love someone, chances are, you probably don’t.

And then finally someone besides Mr. Graff in this movie speaks some SENSE. I really like Margaret. Why couldn’t she be the main character? Oh right, because GIRLS HAVE COOTIES.

Margaret: I kinda feel sorry for Pete. I mean, he can’t go anywhere in this town without someone reminding him of who he used to be.

Yup. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. And in case anyone wanted to know, IT HURTS.

Margaret and Scott have been enjoying themselves, and talk about wanting to do it again, when Buttercreamer A comes up on his bike and tells them someone has broken into Pete’s house.

Scott says something…. I can’t make out.

Buttercreamer (So, Lanny): No, but I left Elton there to watch.

Margaret and Scott: Elton?!

Clearly, they both agree with me that this is a bad idea, but not for the same reason. The reason I’m thinking of is because Elton could get hurt. Margaret and Scott just think Elton is sorta flaky, which, ok, maybe, but that’s a topic for the next movie. Scott rushes to a phone and calls the police– JUST KIDDING! They all run back to Pete’s house.

Seriously, both boys should’ve hightailed it out of there and called the police AS SOON AS they knew what was happening.

I thought about doing a whole rant about the danger they could be in, but do I really need to do that? No, my readers are probably smarter than that.

None of these boys, or girls, are good at dealing with emergency situations, are they?

Seriously, did a little kid write this story? I would give a little kid a lot more leeway than I am the adult writers of this series.

Scott thinks Elton should’ve gone for help instead. Lanny agrees, but he said he thought it would be ok because he promised him a giant milkshake if he stayed there. Eegad.

Margaret: maybe we should call the police!

Seriously, get this girl into a better movie because she clearly has more sense than all the boys in this town put together and multiplied.

Scott: nah, we better go check it out for ourselves.

In real life, Scott would not live to be 30.

Flower Child: Pete and Mr. turner just went in there

Scott: you didn’t tell him the place had been broken into?

FlowerChild: you told me not to move, where’s my milkshake?

Ladies and gentleman: the protagonist of the next sequel: How the Buttercream Gang members all died!

I’m not kidding, there really is a sequel, and he really is the protagonist. I am kidding about the title, of course… And I just googled, I did not hear wrong, his last name really IS flowers. SNORT. So, should I nickname him daffodil, or Lilly? Rose? Petunia? Oooooh the possibilities! I originally wrote that I wouldn’t be doing that movie because Pete’s not in it and he’s the only interesting character in this whole movie, but, you know what? I’m curious. So, if I can find a place to watch the sequel, I’ll buy more booze. Because the tagline in the movie is “Elton sees himself how others see him.” Frankly, I want to watch that happen. I don’t imagine it will be pretty.

Scott says something I don’t catch, (Why does this movie have no subtitles?!) and then a little girl comes up.

Scott: what are you doing here?

Little Girl: watching Pete

She leads the Buttercream gang plus Margaret around the corner to the window. According to the wiki, the little girl is Regina, and I probably would’ve know that if I wasn’t face blind.

We look through the window and are shown

The man is saying to Pete’s grandpa that he;d better hand over the gold coins now or Pete is gonna get hurt.

At this point, one of those kids should really call the police. This is not something that children should be handling on their own. Actually, it’s not something untrained adults should be handling on their own either, unless there’s a damn good reason not to call the cops. Which, in this situation, there isn’t, as far as we know.

I’m not saying this can’t work. I have read books and seen movies where the kids do handle it themselves. But there’s a difference between those movies and these: in those movies, there is an established reason as to why they can’t call the police. Ie, we can’t call the police! They’d never believe Mr. Turner is an alien in disguise! or “The police would never believe the kidnapper has magic powers!” In this movie, the kids have just decided not to call the police because nah. Literally, that’s the only objection Scott gave Margaret.

So this doesn’t work here because the entire time the audience is going to be screaming JUST CALL THE POLICE YOU DUMBASS. Or at least, the audience that is above the age of, I dunno, 13.

Pete is not a convincing actor. Juuuuust saying.

Finally, Scott tells Margaret to get the sheriff for him. Maybe the kid does have some sense after all–

And the next scene just proved me wrong.

The bad guy takes Pete outside of the house. The kids attack. Margaret yells that the sheriff is here. Wow that was fast. Elton does an “earthquake” on the “bad guy’s” stomach, and the bad guy is clearly a terrible actor. Juuuust saying.

Also, in case we have forgotten, earthquake is when Elton jumps really really hard, in this case, onto the bad guy’s stomach.

Sigh. What if the bad guy had had a gun? A butcher knife? Elton could be dead right now. Are we supposed to view Elton’s actions as bravery?Because I can’t. Because they should’ve called the sheriff A LONG FRICKIN’ TIME AGO and Margaret called out that the sheriff just arrived. I would even tell adults “let the professionals handle it.” I could especially say that to a group of children, particularly a group of children who clearly failed First Responder Class 101. Actually, they never got that far, they failed the 98 course!

The bad guy goes up to Pete and yells “what kind of double cross are you trying to pull!” Pete is then thrown to the ground. Bad guy gets away. The boys sensibly don’t chase him.

In this scenario, Pete especially needs people them to call the police because he’s scaring people, and he needs to know that this is MAJORLY NOT OK. I’m reasonably sure Pete could get arrested for this, actually. Isn’t it a crime to fake a crime scene like this? I could be wrong. But at the same time, I could also see small town cops would be  likely to sit the kid down and give him a warning rather than lock him up. I still think this is arrest worthy, and I’d rather he be prosecuted for this than any burglary.

Pete yells at the gang to mind their own business because they weren’t saving him. Apparently he set the whole thing up to get money to go back to Chicago.

Scott has this look on his face:

I don’t believe that, why?!

Scott has every right to be angry here. This is the first thing Pete has done that I can’t even get behind and excuse because faking that you are in danger is not cool. So I don’t actually blame Scott for not wanting to sit down and listen to him here. Though it doesn’t make him look all pious as he’s been trying to appear for the whole movie.

Instead of answering, Pete runs. Scott runs after him. Pete runs to the grocery store and… without a weapon, tries to hold up Mr. Graff. He yells at him to “give me all your money!”

Mr. Graff: Calm down Pete, if you need some money I’ll give you some

Pete: don’t you get it old man, you’re being robbed here!

I appreciate Mr. Graff so much. Pete comes to him upset and says he needs money. My first reaction would… probably not be too dissimilar to Mr. Graff’s, though I’d want to know why he wanted the money and I’d want to talk to him about it first. Especially since there is no weapon, Graff has no reason not to try and calm Pete down and reason with him.

Heck, Mr. Graff seems like the type who would put Pete back on a bus to Chicago himself, if that was what made Pete truly happy.

I vote that Mr. Graff, Pete, and Margaret all run away together to a better movie. Graff can raise Pete like his own son, and they can take Margaret with them so she can be her own person instead of a supporting character in an awful movie.

Pete: you’re as crazy as Scott! This whole town is crazy!

Actually, I agree, this whole town is crazy.

Pete goes off on a rant. He doesn’t want the money, he wants people to try and stop him. He starts trashing the store. He gets out a baseball bat and starts bashing things.

This scene doesn’t make narrative sense, but I’ll try to make sense out of it anyway. Pete is flipping out because he doesn’t want to go back to Chicago, he wants to be stopped. He feels out of control and wants someone to stop him. I can relate to that. Sort of.

At the same time, I can’t help but feel like it doesn’t fit in with Pete’s established character. I can’t help but think this movie just took a turn for the downright weird. I get the feeling the producer was just tired of the story and wanted to end it. Or…something.

Scott shows up to try and talk to Pete. Pete has a broom handle (not a baseball bat as I originally thought) and threatens to crack Scott upside the head. I wish he would, frankly. Unfortunately for Pete, he’s not the hero of this story.

Scott: I just wanna know what you really want! I’ve done everything I can to show you that I accept you for who you are–

No, Scott, you haven’t. You’ve continued to be a goody goody prick who acts like he is better than Pete. You never once asked him about what really happened in Chicago, or done anything to show Pete that you really care. All you’ve done is turn into a doormat and let him walk all over you. Oh, and you’ve stalked him. That’s hardly showing him that you care.

At least Scott here admits that Pete was right about Scott being selfish, but then he goes on to say “and I’ve tried to show you that.”

Too little too late? I mean, I haven’t seen Scott change much at all, really. I’ve just seen him get a little more sneaky.

Scott: I’m confused Pete, what do you want?

Pete: I want you to hate me!

Scott: why?

Pete: because I hate myself!

Scott: Pete you’re my friend

(no he’s not!)

Scott: I can’t hate you, can’t you accept that?

Pete: NO!

He throws down the broom handle and runs away, never to be seen again. Which is unfortunate because he really is the most interesting character in the whole movie.

Afterwards Mr. Graff gives Scott a hug. Scott apologizes, though it’s not clear what he’s apologizing for.

The police show up. They are looking for Pete. We’re made to understand he’s run away. Margaret found out that he’s back in Chicago, living with a member of the old gang instead of Aunt Bitch. But Aunt Bitch knows where he lives, apparently, because she gives Margaret Pete’s address to give to Scott. Odd that Pete even let her know?

Time passes. Scott writes Pete lots of letters. Time passes. Pete never writes back, but this time Scott doesn’t stop when he does, and keeps writing.

Props, I guess, for keeping on writing?

Scott writes “you should see Margaret in her new contacts.” right, like she couldn’t be pretty with glasses you stupid bitch.

At the end of the montage, Scott walks into his house, to find an ambush.

Scott’s reaction:

Has someone died?

Everyone looks very solemn.

I’m sure people are wondering who died?

Scott: What’s going on, what happened?

Reverend: It’s about Pete

Pete’s grandpa (do we ever learn his name?): I just got a letter from his aunt today

Scott’s dad: I want you to know it doesn’t always turn out this way

I’m sure we’re supposed to get the impression that Pete has died. Which isn’t actually an impossibility here, since we are talking about gang activity.

Margaret: I’m really proud of you

Well jee, if THAT didn’t just give it away….

Scott: someone please tell me what’s going on:?

He looks angry/upset. I don’t blame him, in this situation, so would I. For once, I sympathize with Scott.

Tom: Mr. turner, we oughta have the mumble reverend? Read the letter, he’s had experience dealing with this type of thing.

Rev: dear Mr. turner, I know I haven’t written you since last year when I told you that Pete had come back to town and was staying with some of the other members of the gang. I was reading the paper the other day when I saw his name in the article that I was reading.

The reverend then hands the article over to Scott, Scott’s mother gives him a kind look.

Scott reads aloud; today at 2 o’clock, the mayor Chicago honored the first gang in the city’s history…. the gang’s leader was Pete turner

Note that he is Pete Turner and not Pete Valdez. He has therefore given up on connecting with his Hispanic roots (because Hispanics are bad, mmmkay? cuz they’re all gangs!)

Newspaper article(continuing): Mr. Turner’s gang is most unusual. Mr. Turner tells his gang, if you accept yourself for who you are, and truly love others, a lot of good will happen. This gang, which only a few months ago, was typical of those often found in the area, refuses to fight, or participate in any kind of illegal activity. Instead they devote much of their time to helping and serving the community around them.

End of article. Hydrangea Boy starts singing, “you got the right one baby, uh huh, uh huh!”

Everybody comes up and hugs Scott. They give him a high five, like he is somehow responsible. Why? Scott was not the one who turned Pete around. In fact, given the timeline, there is no reason to think Scott had any influecne on Pete’s life…. it could’ve been someone else.

But even if it was… PETE turned Pete’s life around, not Scott. Because, even if Scott had some influence (and there was no reason to think this is so) Scott is not the one responsible for getting Pete back on the straight and narrow. Because in the end. we alone are responsible for our own actions.

I like the fact that he never came back to Elkridge, but instead chose a life in Chicago. Because Pete is not his “bad” self, but no longer is he his “old” self. I’m going to quote Dr. Who On this, because I think he said it best:

The Doctor: We all change. When you think about it, we’re all different people all through our lives, and that’s okay, that’s good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

This is what I’ve been trying to say in all the weeks I’ve been reviewing The Buttercream Gang. Pete can never be the same person he was. He must become a new person. But that’s ok, because, we all change.

The scene switches to the treehouse, because we’ve got one more thing to wrap up.

Scott: hey guys, I forgot to tell you I got a letter from Pete today

Unseen boy: really? What did he say?

Scott: well, just some stuff about his new gang. Oh he wants to make sure that we tell Mr. graff he’s sorry. He even sent him $20.

Even for 1992, I don’t remember that being a heck of a lot. But back in the 1990s, I was rich, so $20 was one week’s allowance. By the time I saw this movie, $20 wasn’t a big deal. Someone can tell me whetheror not in the late 1980s when this was definitely shot, $20 was a big deal, but to me it’s not. And even in the late 90s when I saw this movie, it wasn’t. Heh.

Margaret: guys, I’ve been thinking

Scott: about what?

Hint: NOT PETE! For some stupid reason this movie is continuing even though the main plot point has been resolved.

Margaret: Well now there’s a Chicago chapter of the Buttercream gang

Buttercream boy (Scott?): well yeah, so?

Buttercream boy 2: well I think it’s cool

Margaret: well there’s another change the Buttercreamers need to make

The Buttercream Boys all look confused.

Margaret: I think it’s time for the Buttercreamers to have a girl member

Go Margaret!I actually think that time would’ve been 20 years ago but whatever, better late than never, right? Heh.

The boys all roll their eyes. They don’t seem to to be too happy about this idea, but Margaret thinks they’d be able to help with a lot of things. I agree, I don’t see why this has remained an all boys club for so long. Feminism has been a thing since AT LEAST the 1970s. So really, there should’ve been at least ONE female Buttercreamer before now. Especially since women and girls are socialized to be the “helpers” of society.

I swear I had a screenshot of Scott kissing Margaret but I can’t find it and suddenly, ever since I downloaded Mavericks, the link to The Buttercream Gang movie doesn’t work. So, kissing him (chastely, on the cheek, of course)….this is how she convinces him.

“Just think about it,” she says.

Wow, what an…. I don’t…. I don’t even know how to react to that. Holy shit, like she can only convince him by…. by kissing/arousing him? WHAT?!

The other boys look on in shock/horror.

A bike rider comes up to the treehouse. Apparently the widow Jenkins has fallen again.

Margaret: we’ll be right down Regina! Come on Scott let’s go! She begins to descend. The boys look rather reluctant, but they end up following her.

There’s some corny sounding “Buttercreamers, let’s ride!”

“Yahoo!” (yes, they do actually shout, yahoo!!!”

The last shot is of the Buttercreamers riding off into the sunset– I mean, to widow Jenkins to help her. The credits begin to flash on the screen.

Now, a few words about the main actors:

Pete: Michael D Weatheredd

Scott: Jason Johnson

Brandon Blaser: Wlton

Michale Scott, who is credited as the reverend/coach (I was right!)

Ivan A Crosland: Mr. Graff

This is interesting. The following article talks about 4 of the stars: Lanny, Eldon Scott, and Margaret. Why oh why does the article not talk about Michael Weatheredd? I don’t know. here’s the link:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/286745/ACTING-BUG-BITES-4-YOUNG-UTAHNS.html?pg=all this article was published April 23, 1992.
Michael D Weatheredd is not that easy to find. However, he had a cameo in the modern Brady Bunch

He was Clifford on an episode of Family Matters entitled: Revenge of the Nerd

He has a twitter, in which it seems he outs himself as a gay Christian, and good for him! I am glad he can still retain his faith while also acknowledging his identity.

Here is his full videography: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0915766/

Apparently he had an appearance in 1996 on A Very Brady Sequel (modern, 1990s) Along with The Stand, Family Matters as Cliff in Revenge of the Nerd, and a bunch of other stuff I don’t recognize. Of all the main characters he’s the only one who seems to have gone on to do other stuff.

Try as I might, I can NOT figure out when the actor was born. I originally guessed him at 17 or 18, but given that Scott and Elton and Lanny are around that age give or take, I could be very wrong, or he could just be lucky enough to look older than the rest, we don’t get to know.

Jason Johnson is a bit harder to track down, due to the popularity of his last name. However, I did find out that:

1. He was born in 1977 and therefore 15 at the time of this movie.

Wow. I never would have guessed that. My oldest guess had him at 14, with him starting out as and most likely remaining 13. Well, I should be the last person to criticize that since, at 25, I still look 12. So, at the age of 15, acting like you’re 13-14 ish isn’t bad. Which makes me REALLY wonder how old Mike was when he played Pete. Unfortunately I have yet to find his birth-date after eons of googling.

2. Jason Johnson makes an appearance in the sequel, which I will be reviewing (If I can find it for free on the internet) even though I said I wouldn’t. He also stars in Ski Patrol as Brat, whatever that means.

I had a hard time getting info on him, because Johnson is a common last name. It is unknown whether he is still A Christian to this day.

3. According to the article linked to above (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/286745/ACTING-BUG-BITES-4-YOUNG-UTAHNS.html?pg=all) he was not supposed to get the part. But apparently they had trouble with their first choice, so they went with him.

3.Brandon Blaser,

you will all be pleased (or not) to note that the same actor is returning the sequel, The Buttercream Gang and something something treasure. That’s great cuz Elton was portrayed as somewhat of a buffoon in this movie, so I’m wondering how the sequel will be.

It doesn’t appear he has done any other movies.

He was born in 1975, making him…. *calculates* 17 years old at the time this movie was shot. wow. I never would have guessed that either. Did they purposely pick baby faced adult actors? (with the exception of Pete?)

4. Margaret– Played by Stephanie Dees. Was 14 at the time of this movie. Or 15, depending on her birthday. Here is the link to her filmography: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0214419/

She was Jenny on a movie called “chase the slut” and Heather in Evil of Clear River. I’m guessing she didn’t stay a goody goody.

Aaaaand that’s it, we’re done, at least, with this movie. Next post will probably be The Donut Repair Club and then, MAYBE another veggie tales movie if depression doesn’t cripple me. If not, I’ll try to find a place to watch The Buttercream Gang 2 online for free.

Have a good week everyone!

The Buttercream Gang Part 12

Today’s post is going to be a short one, on account of the fact that I feel very sick. Said sickness might or might not be a result of too much partying….

Anyway, I also didn’t take any screenshots during these scenes because I didn’t think I needed to. I’m debating going to get some just because the post feels incomplete without them, but no one wants to see Scotty Boy in his tight baseball pants.

It’s the day of the championship. The whole town turns out to cheer on “the boys.” seriously, why are there no girls on these teams?

Lots of baseball… I don’t care.

Even I can tell their team sucks. It’s announced that this one kid hasn’t had a hit in 8 games. Jeez, way to embarrass the kid. He’s really going to do well if you bring THAT up. Way to boost his confidence.

Scotty boy’s team starts cheering for him the minute he gets to the plate. Because they couldn’t have done that for the no hit in 8 games kid. Asses.

Anyway, more baseball, I don’t care.

Suddenly their team doesn’t suck. Suddenly they’re beating the other team 14 to nothing. I’m sorry, but I find games like that really boring. It’s no fun if one team is whooping everybody else.

Seriously this game drags on. And on. And on and on and on and on and….

Oh look, here’s Pete to make this more interesting for me. How thoughtful of him. He starts cheering for the opposite team as Scott’s on and I am kind of with him. I like to root for the underdog. And then we get this:

“You let your team down just like your friends!”

Go Pete, you tell ‘im!

More baseball… I don’t care.

Because of Pete, the entire team gets discouraged…. yanno, Pete’s only been yelling at Scott. So unless Scott’s been carrying the entire fuckin team, this doesn’t strike me as realistic at all. The rest of the team has no reason to be so discouraged all of a sudden.

Elton Flowers is up to bat, and very discouraged. Scott’s team mates are not helping. “Come on Elton, don’t freeze up NOW!” They scream at him.

And we’re supposed to think that Pete is bringing the team down with his words? I think poor Elton’s team is doing a good enough job of that for…

Wait… this kid’s last name is…. Flowers? SNORT that’s awesome. From now on, whenever I can catch his name, Elton is going to be known as The Flower Child.

Even the other team feels sorry for him. One of the pitcher’s team mates tells him to take it easy on the kid. Now that is sad. I actually feel really bad for Elton because he clearly sucks.

I think I hear Pete calling out something negative, which seems odd because so far his criticisms have only been directed at Scotty Boy, but Elton bats a double, whatever the hell that means.

Scott starts yelling at Pete that “he’s not just hurting him, he’s hurting the whole team!”

Why? Pete’s just yelling at Scott. He’s clearly not trying to bring the whole team down, he’s just trying to bring Scott down.

And frankly, it’s not Pete’s fault that they’re losing. Scott, in fact, is letting what Pete says get to him. I know how hard it is to ignore that crap, but frankly, Scott isn’t hearing this every single day of his life like I did. This is just an isolated incident, which is much easier to ignore. He really needs to just get over himself, try not to let it get to him, and play baseball.

Pete, responds to Scott’s accusation rather calmly, that Scott is not his friend, but rather his enemy.

Some guy comes and yells at Scott that the games not over yet, and he needs to get back in the game. Take that, Scotty boy!

And then Pete’s grandfather proves he is an ass.

Grandpa: I’m sorry Scott, I wish there was something I could do.

Um, what? Listen, my parents would not have been thrilled with me if I had displayed that kind of behavior but they never would’ve thrown me under the bus like that. They probably would’ve taken me home, or said something encouraging to the kid like, “Just concentrate on the game.” or “you can still take it back,” or… I don’t know. Grandpa apologizing for Pete’s behavior just totally rubs me the wrong way.

Scott continues to be a total ass.

Scott: you can send him back to Chicago where he belongs!

Our hero, folks. This is the guy who is lauded for sticking by Pete even though he makes bad decisions! This is the guy who is praised for sticking by his friend and loving him through it!

You know what Scott sounds like? Scott sounds like the friends I know who left me the minute I no longer seemed like a proper Christian. Actually, no, Scott sounds worse than that because, even during the teenage years, they never would’ve said anything like that. Out loud, anyway.

Poor Pete. Does anybody actually love him in this movie? Even his grandpa, instead of confronting him about his behavior in private, makes excuses and “apologizes” in front of everyone that Pete knows. Hell, if I was Pete, I’d be pissed off.

Scott’s coach pulls Scott away from the fence. Scott apologizes, but I can tell he doesn’t mean it. What an asshole.

Oh snap, he’s not going to play baseball, Scott got thrown out of the game. Good, because that game was getting to be “the baseball game that never ended,” plus Scotty Boy deserves it.

After the game the coach talks to him. Scott admits he “lost his cool” and that “Scott took a pretty good ribbing.” Really? Because I’ve heard sooooo much worse. I know it’s a kid’s movie, but I feel like Pete didn’t say anything that bad to him.

Scott and his coach have batting practice as Coach gives Scotty Boy a lesson in history, kindness, and turning the other cheek. “an eye for an eye makes the world blind.”

Probably, but yanno, I honestly think that if Scott just fought Pete, he’d gain his respect, and the boys would probably go back to being friends afterward. I can’t say why, it just seems the way these things work sometimes.

Anyway, after Scott bats a few good pitches, he and the coach take off.

Will Scott finally give in and fight Pete, or will be “do the right thing” and turn the other cheek? This particular plot line gets dragged out on and on and… and we’ve already seen part of it, haven’t we? When Pete and Scott spend the day together instead of fighting. Well folks, be prepared for more of Scotty boy attempting to do just that by doing what he and his friends do best: stalking people! Plus, romantic tension between Scott and Margaret! Oh the drama! The suspense!

Excuse me, I think I’m going to go vomit again.

In Which I watch The Buttercream Gang, Part 11

I’m still super pissed off that my veggietales1 post somehow didn’t get posted at all. I’ll do my best to get to it when I get back from Con. For those who don’t know, I will be going to Kingdom of Loathing convention in Arizona. I will later blog about both the game and the convention.

For those who don’t know, Kingdom of Loathing is an AWESOME online game that you all should play. http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

Now, on to the Buttercream Gang!

We last left our heroes at the dance, while Pete and his gang stand off to the side and light something on fire. This turns out to be a firecracker, and he throws it at Scott and Margaret on the dance floor.

it goes off with a bang. Kids scream.

This is the first truly dangerous thing we see Pete and the gang do. The other fires he started weren’t anywhere near other people, and you could argue that they wouldn’t spread, or that they could’ve been put out before they spread. But a firework? Thrown into a room full of crowded people? Sorry, that’s just dangerous. I don’t blame Scott for being pissed. He runs after Pete and the gang. Which, by the way, is a really bad idea.

Scott: what’s the matter with you!

I agree. For once.

Pete: I told you I’d get even I always do! You and your two buddies better watch out you understand?

Scott screams at Pete that he’d better stop what he’s doing. Otherwise, Scott himself will stop Pete.

Pete: tomorrow 3 o’clock Swanson’s field, you’d better be there.

There is more testosterone spraying, then the fight is over.

Cut to Sunday morning (because this film is not Seventh Day Adventist. I actually looked it up, it’s made by a Mormon company) at church. The congregation is singing…. a song I don’t recognize. The church sign just says welcome. I have no idea of the denomination. Or at least, I wouldn’t if I hadn’t looked it up on google. If I was just watching for the first time, however, I would have no idea the people who made it were Mormon.

I’m not saying that this is a good or a bad thing, mind. I am just noting that this is how it is done. I’m guessing it has less to do with a desire to hide their Mormonism and more to do with the fact that the film makers wanted this movie to appeal to as many audiences as possible, so they made the religious stuff as non denominational as possible.

I went back and tried to make out the lyrics of the song. Without the help of subtitles it took a few tries, but I finally heard one line, googled, and came up with the following hymn:

Somebody did a golden deed,
Proving himself a friend in need;
Somebody sang a cheerful song,
Bright’ning the sky the whole day long.


Was that somebody you?
Was that somebody you?

Somebody tho’t ’tis sweet to live,
Willingly said, ?I’m glad to give?;
Somebody fought a valiant fight,
Bravely he lived to shield the right.


Somebody made a loving gift,
Cheerfully tried a load to lift;
Somebody told the love of Christ,
Told how His will was sacrificed.


Somebody idled all the hours,
Carelessly crushed life’s fairest flow’rs,
Somebody made life loss, not gain,
Tho’tlessly seemed to live in vain.


Somebody filled the days with light,
Constantly chased away the night;
Somebody’s work bore joy and peace,
Surely his life will never cease.


The sermon makes so much more sense now, with that context. I’m also not coming up with anything particularly special about the song. Seems like one of your general run of the mill Christian hymns… odd I’ve never heard it before, then. It was written by the same guy who wrote “I Surrender All.” A much more popular hymn at least in my circles.

Also, the inside of this church is very undecorated… I find that extremely odd. Most churches have more than just white walls, a light fixture, and a stained glass window with a not particularly interesting pattern. More non denominationalizing, or low budget film?

The pastor/priest/whatever you call a Mormon Person in charge of a church, gets up and talks. This is the only Non Pete scene that holds any interest for me, because the facial expressions of the kids are hilarious. 

Pastor: Somebody did a golden deed. Somebody willfully said “I’m glad to give.”

 somebody tried to lighten the load. Was that somebody you? Is our spiritual progression based on our ability to love and care for one another?

As he speaks, the camera pans out over the audience. Even the children are paying rapt attention. Seriously, at their age, I was too busy drawing pictures on the back of the bulletin with pens stolen from mommy’s purse.

Pastor (continuing): I think that we’d all admit that there is a direct correlation between our ability to love and care for one another, and the quality of our own lives.

Me: errrrrrrrrrm maybe?

Pastor: (continuing): something something I didn’t catch…. we agree that those abilities affect the lives of those around us

He looks like that because he suddenly realized he had a very full bladder.

I’m kidding, it’s because he’s being affected by the sermon, of course.

Pastor(continuing): When we really take the time to learn how to love ALL men. Will we take the time to learn to love not just our friends, but our enemies?

Margaret, giving Scott “The Look.” I think. We don’t actually get to see her do it. This is the only shot we get, because only the male’s reaction matters. When she turns around, she makes the expression in the photo, then smiles smugly. I actually don’t really need to include this image, but I did anyway because that dress… SNERK! This is 1992, not 1895. Or 1985. Or something.

Yes, the coach is preaching. He says no good deed goes unrewarded, which we all know is BULLSHIT.

He says we shouldn’t just offer love and help to people when it is convenient. He starts talking about the old Mosaic law of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, and then Lanny? Gives us this reaction.

To which Elton gives this reaction.

He looks REALLY pissed about the fact he doesn’t get to punch Pete.

And when Coach says “that law has been replaced by ‘turn the other cheek,'” Scotty Boy looks like this.

After the service, The boys argue about whether or not “coach” (it’s not just me being faceblind, the coach really IS the pastor) heard about the fight. One boy says that’s not true, cuz he heard him practicing the sermon last week. Another boy says, “my mom tells me god knows everything.”

Seriously? You’re 13 and you’re relying on what yo mamma tells you? Boy, you 13-15ish, give or take, you outta know that by now from DA BIBLE. What a sissy, jeez.

So now Scott is conflicted. Will he go, or not go? The drama folks, it is unbearable.

Scott and boy1 eventually do show up. Pete and his gang are waiting for him. The Buttercreamers are waving a white flag. Actually, not Scott. These are Lanny and Elton. They tell Pete that Scott wants to meet him alone (finally, jeez!) at the old truck in the olive grove.

Pete goes. Asks what this is all about. Honestly, Scott getting Pete alone is… what was needed before, actually. For once he’s going about things the not so stupid way.

Scott thinks there’s a better way than fighting. Pete thinks that’s an excuse. I’m with pete actually. Pete says Scott should be afraid of him because he learned a lot back in Chicago. I believe it, if he really was in a gang, he’d have learned a lot about fighting.

Testosterone spraying…. I don’t care. Scott finally challenges Pete to spend a day with him. Wow, finally, Scott is giving Pete some individual attention! Pete is a different person than I am, but personally if someone offered to do that with me, I’d be thrilled. I wouldn’t admit it, but Id be THRILLED that someone wanted me around that long.

 I’m not really too thrilled about the tone of voice Scott in which Scott delivers this challenge. “I challenge you to spend a day with me like you did last summer, if you’ve got the guts.” Actually, I wouldn’t allow myself to show how thrilled I was either, what with the tone of voice and all. Scott is really being a prick about it, isn’t he?

Pete’s reaction is thusly:

There’s a montage of Pete and Scott doing fun things set to background music with no lyrics. It’s all very…. boring, actually. We’re skipping ahead.

Actually, back up a bit. Pete has a bike in this shot… when it is later talked about that he doesn’t have one… consistency people, it is a thing these days.

Seriously, this montage goes on too long though. If I was my teacher, I’d have been hitting the fast forward button.

Scott says that Pete has “done it again,” made him relax and forget all his worries. And that’s nice, actually. He’s telling Pete good things above him. That’s… actually, I like that. It’s one of the few times Scott has said something positive about Pete since he discovered the gang related activity.

Pete: what worries?

I don’t blame him. Scott doesn’t seem to have any real worries. Not like Pete, who as to worry about things like people blaming him for stealing items from lockers.

Scott is worried about the championship game tomorrow. Just like old times.

Pete: except it’s not like old times, it is?

Maybe not for you Pete, but for Scott, nothing’s different. He’s still the naïve little kid you left behind, and really, that’s as things should be. 13-15 year olds ideally SHOULD be a little ignorant of how things could be.

Scott argues that it could be the same. Pete argues that things and people change. Pete is right. Scott continues to argue that it’s just like old times then Pete says this:

Pete: except you’re trying to save me from myself except hey, I already know it’s too late.

I’ve felt like this before, I really have. And in a way, Pete is right. He can not go back to being his old self, because he is not his old self. If Pete does go back to the way of all things Good and Righteous, that is very doable. However, he will still be a different Person. Pete has experienced things, and done things… and those things, they change us. Because we can never go back to our old pre-evil selves, we often feel like it is too late for us. It is only when we accept the fact that we will never be who we once were that we can begin the healing process, and stop trying to go back to the old life. Instead, we make ourselves into a new person.

Scott: it is not! Today proves it!

Moron. Being able to have fun swimming does not prove it’s not too late. Pete here needs real reassurance, real proof, that it is not too late for him. And I’m sorry, but he’s not going to get it. He’s going to get more of Scotty acting like a complete douchebag.

Pete: the only thing today proves is that we were friends.

Meh, it also proves that Scotty’s trying to hold onto that friendship, but ok I can see where he’s coming from. He and Scott were good friends who used to go around swimming and fishing, but Pete is different now. The friendship is probably going to have to go in a new direction. Pete has a whole part of his life he can’t really share with Scott, because Scott has not been there.

Pete: sometimes I want so bad for things to be the way they were but…. they can’t!

Even my conservative Christian friends understood this. When I got into… er, stuff, they knew I could come out again BUT they knew that things would never be the same as they were before I got into….er, ungodly stuff. They understood. I feel like Scott could understand, too. If he’d take a minute to empathize instead of straight up arguing the entire time.

Scott: sure they can

Me: Ah, the innocence of youth.

Pete: not they can’t, it’s like riding your bike someplace and getting lost you try to go back and find out where you made the wrong turn, but you don’t know where you made the wrong turn and every turn you make after that, it just gets you more lost.

Scott: so you stop and ask someone for directions.

Who, Scott? Who is he supposed to ask? What if you’re riding your bike in the middle of the woods and the only living things you can find are squirrels? Are you supposed to ask them for directions? I don’t think so.

I kinda get where Scott is coming from on this, because I feel like Pete isn’t explaining it well. But he’s what, 15? 16? When I was that age, I had trouble explaining things too, especially to people who were still Naive and sheltered as Scotty Boy.

Pete: I ask you for directions?

Scott: tell you not to be so selfish

Um, what? Excuse me? Pete is opening up to you, here. You could…. not accuse him of being selfish? Because ok yeah, arguably he has been, a little, but this is hardly the time to bring it up. It also doesn’t actually fit in with what Pete just said to him.

And no, Scott, he can’t ask you for directions. You’re younger than he is, for one, and have experienced a lot less of life. Also, you’ve never been lost. If I were Pete, I’d much rather ask someone who’s actually been where I’m at, or at least, been close to where I’m at, and then I’d take him seriously. You’re just a little prick who thinks things can go back to the way they were before and they can’t. They’re not. Admit it you douchebag and stop being…. well, a douche bag.

Pete: what makes you think I’m being selfish?

Scott: because you take things, you only think of yourself

Hello stupid? He’s been stealing SUGAR. Maybe he steals that BECAUSE HIS GRANDMA NEEDS IT YOU SONNUFA BITCH!

Also, I’m going to repeat something I’ve often said to my conservative Christian friends when they told me the same thing: Of course I only think of myself! Wanna know why? Because somebody has to.

I have not seen anyone in this movie care about Pete. Pete’s aunt only wanted him around because of what he could do for her. His grandpa just seems to barely tolerate him, Margaret only spied on Pete because “it was the right thing to do” (it wasn’t, but we already went over that) and Scott’s only interested in Pete because they used to be friends and do fun kid things together, and he’s been nothing but a prick to Pete in this movie since he changed.

Pete: I take only what I deserve, I spent hours helping people like Mr. Graff and never got anything for it. I’ve done plenty for this crummy little town and what did I get for it? Nothing! No Scott, I think you’re the one who’s being selfish

Scott: me?!

Pete: real friends accept each other for who they are, you’re only willing to be my friend if I change. I’m not who I was Scott I am who I am.

A truer thing hasn’t been said all movie! I agree 100% with Pete here.

I understand Pete’s anger. It doesn’t give him the right to steal things, but I understand where he’s coming from.

Second, he is right. Scott has clearly acted like a douchebag since Pete changed. He wants Pete back as his friend, but he wants the Pete who was, not the Pete who is. Pete sees that, and sees that that is selfish of Scott.

Pete is no different from you or me: he wants to be accepted for who he is, not in spite of it. Me and my sexual orientation, I’m accepted in spite of who I am by most Christians, not for who I am. Especially with my fun and sinful past, heh. Mine rivals Pete’s, actually, since the worst he’s ever done is… shoplift. I mean, come on, we could at least see him smoking a cigarette (they make fake ones for movies and they’re really cheap) or sipping from a beer bottle wherein the beer has been replaced with… tea or something. Pete can’t be a real gang member, he’s never even done drugs. Not that I’ve done drugs either…. whistles innocently.

Scott argues back that he’s trying to be Pete’s friend, so Pete shouldn’t accuse Scott of being selfish. Ummm ok Scott, but you didn’t disprove Pete’s point; you only want to be Pete’s friend if he changes who he is. And instead of just sitting there listening to Pete and maybe doing some self reflection, you’re acting like a complete and utter DOUCHEBAG.

Oh wait, that’s not out of character, nevermind.

Pete: who asked for you friendship anyway!

Scott: you did! That night at my house!

Ummm well…. actually, that’s kinda true.

Pete: well I guess it was pretty stupid of me, wasn’t it?

I agree, Pete. Scott’s a douche, you should seriously cut him out of your life because clearly he can’t love you for who you are. And if you can’t love someone for who they are now, even if it’s not ideal, you do not love them at all.

Scott: that’s right, why should I settle for second best in a friend?!

Um, ouch? Way to show you care for him Scott. NOT. Douchebag.

Pete: don’t worry Scott you won’t have to. Just remember, in my neck of the woods there are only two types of people your friends and your enemies.

I’d say this is an unnecessary measure of extreme, but ok whatever. I think even Chicago gangs would realize that there are people who are neither friend nor enemy but just, you know, are kind of trying to exist and don’t care about you one way or another? This movie does a great job of making Chicago seem like a scary and dangerous place full of gangs, crime, and drunken debauchery. Maybe some parts are, but honestly, Chicago isn’t that bad.

Scott stomps off in a huff.

Pete: While you’re walking off think of this: you never once asked me what happened in Chicago. You never once asked me. You’re just like all the rest; you think I want it this way.

Pete is right. We’re probably not supposed to notice, but no one, not aunt bitch, not his grandpa, not Scott, has ever asked him what really happened in Chicago. And frankly, I’d like to know as well. What did happen in Chicago, Pete? Were you really aware of what your gang members were doing? Were you really set up that time you got expelled? How did aunt Bitch treat you? Did you ever feel like you were part of a family? Have you ever had a chance to defend yourself without someone arguing with you that you just needed to take responsibility even though you might not have done it? That you’re going to have a hard time getting a job with an arrest record so why bother?

I hope you weren’t curious, Dear Reader, because We Don’t Get To Know. No one will ever ask. Ever.

And Scott continues to be a complete and utter douchebag.

Tune in next time for really exciting baseball shenanigans, a heart to heart with the coach, and of course, Pete shows up to liven things up. Because otherwise I’d personally die of boredom watching this movie.

I apologize for getting this post out so late. After the con, I needed an entire week off to recharge my batteries. Posting will now resume on its regular schedule starting wed. There might be a post on Saturday as I redo the veggie tales episode wordpress ate, but I might wait till Wed on that, depending on how my Saturday goes.

Have a good weekend everybody,