In Which I Am Angry

June 19, 2012

If the Lord ever calls me back to canvassing (and he better not, because I still REALLY dislike this) he’d better find an adults only program because I am SICK TO DEATH of being treated like a fuckin child. I am 23 for God’s sake. I worked hard to GET to 23. Do ya’ll know how hard I worked to live this long? Do ya’ll know how hard it was just for me to make it to adulthood? Do any of you know how many times I tried to kill myself?

Do any of you know that I wish sometimes all the time that I had succeeded?

No worries, I’m not going to try again now, because that would piss off God, and a pissed off God doesn’t let the pisser offer into heaven. so.

***

This was written 5 years ago. Part of me is surprised I’ve had the blog this long. It’s funny. I thought I was so grown up at 23. I still don’t think it was right of them to treat me like a child, but god, I was still a baby.

I post this mostly to get it out of my drafts folder, but also to show how angry I was during the canvassing program. I didn’t dare post this because I was afraid the leaders would read it and get the wrong idea. I was not, at this time, actually suicidal.

It’s been 5 years since I wrote this. 5 short years and nearly everything has changed.

The way I was treated in the canvassing program wasn’t the only reason I was angry. Part of the reason was that I was losing my faith, and I didn’t really realize that that was what was happening.

Fortunately (sort of) for me, they kept us so busy in the canvassing program that I didn’t have time to think. (That was another reason I was angry, btw. I never had any alone time, no “me” time.) Once I did start to think at the end of the canvassing program…..whoooooooo boy, that was the end.

This has been our blast from the past. Tune in next time for….nothing, because this was the only sober post in my drafts folder.

 

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