Reaction Post–Rereading Parable Of The Sower

This is not the post you’ve all been waiting for. This is not me sitting down to critique my own writing. This is me sitting here in the kitchen with a bottle of Kahlua in one hand because that’s the only way I can force myself to re read this utter dreck.

I don’t even have the courage to face this sober.

This is a reaction post. This is where I post my first reactions.

Perhaps I will regret not having bought stronger alcohol.

Reminder: Edit this when you’re much much soberer.

But just to edit out comments like that.

So, I posted this on the internet in order to make myself (and possibly Merikay, if she ever reads this) feel better. Now! Is bad, but is mine bad, too? When my bible teacher read Now! Out loud to the class, I scoffed and thought, surely not.

But I mean, at least Merikay didn’t plagiarize her story from a book she was reading at the time.  We will be reviewing that on the blog at some point, but not now, because I’m tired of end times novels.

Ok, here I go. I mean it. I’m starting to read Parable of the Sower now….

So, with all the other books I’ve talked about on this blog, I can only speculate on what exactly was going through the author’s head when they were writing. Not so with Parable of the Sower. Since I wrote this book, and I even sorta remember writing it, I know more of what was going on in my own head than I do about any of the other authors.

So in other posts you might see me speculate on what they were possibly thinking? In these posts, I will tell you what I was thinking. If I can even remember. mostly I’ve tried to block out Sophomore year from my memory.

Again, I want to reiterate that by this point, I wasn’t sure what I believed. Did I believe that all this was going to happen? Not really. I wrote this story in a desperate attempt to convince myself. But, as this was a Christmas present for my friends, who absolutely did believe in all this nonsense, I had to put some of my reservations aside.

Did I believe a time was coming soon when Christians would be persecuted? Yes. Did I believe the main issue was going to be over the Sabbath? Well, that was the point I was confused on. I decided that the safest course would be to love Jesus and follow the Bible, wherever that led me. At least, I hoped that would be enough. There was that niggling little doubt….

Why is the punctuation not edited better? I swear to Satan I actually edited this… the first few chapters were edited multiple times.

Oh man, the amount of times I was impatient for my parents to leave church because I was SO HUNGRY!




This is the best part? This is the well edited part? This gets worse? Oh my GOD.


Oh my god. I might throw up.

You know what Merikay, you win. Your story was miles better than mine, and there is no contest between the 2. Yours needed a ton of editing, but it still deserved to be published. Mine didn’t.

I know in my 20s I briefly did some editing on this because I knew how terrible it was. I’m toying with the idea of posting it… but why bother, since I am never going to touch this thing again. Ever.

There is no way in hell you’d be able to steal that much stuff that often and not get caught like, ever. ugh.


I spend the rest of the afternoon listening to the CDs I’ve stolen, answering email, and, of course, looking at any other websites I can think of that mom would kill me for even knowing about. Today I make it a point to learn about how to tell different Pine trees apart.

My mom is going to kill me for looking at a website that tells me how to differentiate pine trees?

Oh dear GOD this needed some SERIOUS EDITING.

That’s not what was going through my head when I wrote that, but if Merikay was critiquing this, she’d probably be like, “what the fuck?!”

The websites Holly is looking at, for the record, are things like, Which for some reason the Academy’s filters didn’t block.

You know, if I had written this better, this could actually have worked. Instead I just make my character look stupid, largely by defending her from looking stupid.

I’m still learning about the bible, even though I hate God, because it gets attention when I talk about it, plus it makes people think its impossible for me to pull off all the things I’d been doing lately.

That’s…actually kind of clever. 10 points to Slytherin.



Jaimie didn’t say anything, just pulls into the parking lot and gets out of the car. The movie we end up picking is “Saved.” Its about these girls at a Christian school. It looks interesting enough that I will be able to suffer through it. I watch the movie with my family that night, my mom putting her arms around me. It is at times like this when I can relax. It Is at times like this when I can almost imagine that I can go back to being a Seventh Day Adventist. Almost. But I know I can never go back, I’ve gone too far. I am rejecting God, and He won’t care about me anymore.

In case you were wondering, I also plaigarized a bit from Saved. Sorry Mandy Moore and Jenna Malone!

Wow. I really didn’t know weather/whether, soar/sore, and they’re/their/there or your/you’re, did I? You’d never guess we’d discussed grammar the year before…

The sister is too much. What the FUCK.

Don’t get me wrong, some of this stuff is exactly what Teeange!Jamie would have said…. but this story is way too over the top.

Why did I even post this? I should have edited this first. I should have LIED.


Yup. That’s totally how a teenage boy seduces his girlfriend into having sex. Yes, yes it is. I need more kahlua.

Why does the protagonist cry so much? Oh DEAR GOD. This poor child needs mental help.


By now I’m so worried that I have to find out. At lunchtime, I sneak out of school and run to the nearest drug store. I find what I am looking for and slip it into my coat pocket. Then I buy some cough drops just to make it look like I came in there for something so I don’t look as suspicious.

This is why you have to ask for pregnancy tests at the counter. Also, see earlier note about plaigarizing from Saved.

For commentary, please insert “Oh my GOD! *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*” after every single sentence.

Yeah, pretty much.


oh my GOD

I flop back onto the pillows with my arms outspread. “I don’t know1 I don’t know what I am! I’m trying to figure that out!” Unwillingly I bust into tears.

This is the most honest part of the entire story. This was 15-20 year old me’s entire life.

I may not understand a lot about God, but I do know this: I was happiest when I was following Him.

Teenage!me opened a pandora’s box when I went to look into a lot of the aspects of the SDA religion. I then spent the next decade trying to close it before yet another one opened. It’s no wonder these were  the hardest times in my life.

I come home somewhat discouraged. I can’t do any of my homework, and today I have a lot of it, the students all laughed at me, and all of a sudden I have no friends.

You just said you already have no friends….

My Jesus bible? Um, what?

I switch to the Seventh day adventist school the following week. Since a kid like me, with pierced ears, a rap sheet, and an attitude, is mega rare in a school like that, most of the kids are too afraid to talk to me, so I am pretty much in the same predicament that I was at the public school. Everything starts crumbling.

set aside the utter awfulness of this paragraph. This is something very real. Even then, at 15 years old, I knew I was an “inbetweener.” After my, um, rebellion, I was too worldly to be an Adventist and too Adventist to be worldly.

Unfortuantely, a decade later, I still haven’t figured this out.

“I’m sorry. You should have thought of that before you and your boyfriend decided to get it going on!”

Yes, 16 year old children, before you decide to have sex, imagine telling your mother you’re pregnant.

I don’t remember how this came up, but a co worker said that OF COURSE he was a virgin, because didn’t we know that having sex was how you got pregnant? My boss, the night manager who needs to maybe learn some boundaries, asked him if he needed to have a little talk with Coworker. At the store. In the condom aisle.

Adventist children, in case you were wondering, are not taught about condoms and birth control. yet they’re not any less likely to not have sex. They’re just more likely to suffer consequences from doing so.

Pregnancy, STDs….. same thing, right?

I’d like to interject here and say that at least one adult in my life read this. Real!Jamie showed it to her father (a fact which in and of itself was completely and utterly mortifying at the time) and her father, a grown ass man, read that, and decided that 16  year old me was a good writer.

A grown ass man read this and thought it was good.

16-17 year old me just about died–from embarrassment. You don’t exactly want your teenage friend’s father to read a story in which you, um, “get it on” with your boyfriend.

The mom wants her to get an ultrasound. That sounds fair to me…. good prenatal care is important.

Ok. this moment…. actually kind of works. Kind of. It needs some serious editing, but….

Mom makes it up to me though afterwards, she takes me and my sister to the mall to shop for baby clothes, which is REALLY fun because everything looks so cute!!!

This is why they don’t want 16 year olds to have babies.

I keep thinking, “I should let myself sober up now.” Then I read the next sentence. OH MY GOD THIS IS BAD! THIS IS ONLY THE 3RD CHAPTER? WTF

In fact, re reading this kind of makes me want to never write anything again. Ever.

I haven’t improved, have I. That “Book” I gave all my coworkers? Was supposed to be bad. I made it bad half on purpose, but it’s probably not bad in ways I meant it to be bad. It’s actually likely worse than this. At least in this story I was TRYING.

Oh dear god, no wonder no one reads my blog. Why do *I* read my blog?

We study long into the hours of the night, and I still don’t understand much of it.

I am laughing uncontrollably, not because this is funny, but because this is the single most accurate way to describe an end times SDA Bible study.

Even teenage!me went, “forget it, I don’t understand this crap. So I’ll just gloss over the fact that “Holly” doesn’t understand it either. Yeah, that’ll work.”

Sure Teenage Snowman, why not.

“So….basically the sabbath is God’s day of rest. Ok, fine. And its his so called ‘seal’ because it has all the parts of a seal, so in the end times, there gonna make a law that says all must worship on Sunday or die, and thats the mark of the beast?”


“So…. how does this work again??”

I’m not sure if teenage!Me was TRYING to be hilarious…. this is hilarious.

This, in case you were wondering, is why people who were supposed to have Bible studies with me gave up. Even the pastor’s wife gave up trying to explain it to me and this is her job. The conference was paying her to study it with me.

(I’ll throw in that this is not the only reason she gave up. The other reason is that she felt I had other issues which she felt needed to be addressed first…. but still, she never tried to study it with me again like, ever.)

Jaimie sighs, “Holly, think about credit cards. Most stores actually require to use them nowadays, they could easily refuse to let you buy stuff just because you worship on Saturday if they can figure out who you are.”

What stores do you shop at?  oh my god!

Was… was I trying to do world building? Was I setting things up to establish that this world was different than our world, or did I honestly think this was how the real world worked?

I…. I honestly can’t remember.

The only thing realistic at all about this section is teenage!me’s reaction to SDA Bible prophecy.

Suddenly, I’m scared. Whenever I looked to the future, the last days, I either was afraid Jesus would come and I would die, or I was afraid that it would happen too soon, before I got to really do anything. I always thought I could handle the trials and tribulations I would go through, I just never thought I would be able to handle the precise moment Jesus arrived. But now, I am scared. Scared of what I know I will have to go through. And what about my baby??? If it dies before its born, will God be merciful enough to restore it to me?? questions race through my brain.

If this part got some minor editing and you cut some stuff out, this could work. This could work, because these fears were very real to teenage!Me, and the fear of Jesus and hell still haven’t competely gone away even though I’m an atheist.

“Spanish.” I reply, without hesitation. I’m actually fluent in more languages than that, and Spanish is not my favorite language to speak (there are prettier languages out there) but its the first one I ever learned and besides, its my favorite language I know that would be likely to be needed over in a country where missionaries were needed.

Everything after the quotation marks needs to be cut out. It’s irrelevent.

“How about we all go to bed and we’ll figure something out in the morning.” Mom yawns.

How are we going to leave the country? I don’t know, let’s all go to bed and see if we dream up a solution.

Great plan, Teenage!self.

“Holly, shut up!

What I want to say every time the protanogist opens her god damn mouth.

We gasp. The HHYGD virus (short for Ha Ha Your Gonna Die!, ok, not really, theres some really long scientific name for it, but most of just call it the ha ha your gonna die disease) is a deadly Virus that was developed in a laboratory when experiments with cancer and AIDS got out of control. I’m not sure how it works, but its kind of like AIDS+Cancer+Mad cow disease. And theres no cure. Its been spreading around our neighborhood lately, which is another reason to get out of here as fast as lightening.

Even as I wrote this, I knew this part was BAD. I left it in there anyway because…. umm….. god why did I leave this in there? I feel like I inserted this in because I was working off an end times prophecy check list, and I realized I needed to check off “lots and lots of diseases” and didn’t really have a good place to insert it. That is why we have this paragraph, and that is why, cringe worthy as I realized it was even as I wrote it, I left it in there. Because The End Times Checklist(tm) must come first.

The officer grunts, hands her a piece of paper and explains, “we have warrants to arrest all SDA church members. We pulled up the lists, your name was on them, and your license plate number is on the records. Now I want you all out of the car right now with your hands up!”

Ok, so. Teenage!me realized that the police would probably get our names off the records the SDA church kept. Fair enough.

But why would the church records have our license plate number?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the police could figure it the fuck out, but stuff like this takes time. The law was only just announced in the newspapers, it probably hasn’t even had time to go into effect yet.

And do you realize how long it would take you to hunt down the church members? are you like, going alphabetically? What’s the protagnoist’s last name?

I realize that teenage!me probably just had us get caught before leaving the country because I didn’t want to have us get to the dominican republic because i didn’t know waht the DR was like, so I didn’t know how to write a story about our time there?

There has got to be another way around that problem! What the fuck teenage!self. God. This makes Now! Look like an award winning novel.

Our last name is “Jacaranda?” Why…. nevermind. I give up. Even if the police started at either end of the alphabet there’s no way in hell our names would come up first. How and why did they get to us so quickly?

Oh my GOD. I made the mistake of letting the alcohol run out of my system. That was a mistake. I can NOT read this sober. I can not.

Don’t even tell this is “not that bad.” this IS that bad. Holy shit. I am a terrible writer.

“We’ve arranged for you to stay with a family somewhere who has offered to take in kids like you who belong to adventist families but aren’t adventist themselves. Get your stuff, put it in my car, and lets go.”

Fair enough, but how was such a thing arranged so quickly?

We drive through unfamiliar towns and cities for what seams tome like 5 hours, but really is only a half hour. Then we turn onto a long, winding dirt road. At the end of this road is a large white house with a huge porch dotted with flower pots. The officer takes me up to the front door and knocks. An old woman with gray hair answers the door.

This must have been an early draft I was emailing to myself. I swear that by the time this got sent out, it was edited. Unfortunately the only copy I have on this computer was, well, this one.

Which may mean that the actual story is a little different, but I don’t think any SERIOUS editing took place. Just grammar and spelling, by this point.

The woman picks up 2 of my bags and I grab 4. she leads me upstairs to a room with another girl already sleeping in one of the beds.

Jeez! And I thought Book!Merikay overpacked!

“Here.” she whispers, “get some sleep, you can unpack in the morning. I’ll bring up the rest of your stuff.” and she tiptoed back and closed the door. I sit on the bed for a few minutes. The nightmare thats just happened keeps running through my mind.

Wait… there’s more suitcases? Good GOD no wonder we never made it out of the country! Holly, what the fuck were you thinking?! What’d you do, take 20 fucking large suticases?

Nevermind, that is something teeange!me probably would have attempted.

God. I should have just ended the book right here, and wrote in big capital letters: JESUS COMES AND EVERYONE DIES!

Because I really want Jesus to come and put all the characters out of my misery.

“I’m Holly, who are you?”

“I’m Aralyn… you look a little old to be in here, how old are you?”

“16, why?”

“Hmm… nothing, I just thought they were killing all the kids unless they were under 13….”

I sit up in bed, “wait, what?”

Wait, what? The cutoff age is thirteen? Be right back. Gonna pour myself more Kahlua.

“Don’t you know?”

“Know what?”

Aralyn sighs, “Every time the government goes on a raid, they kill all the family members except those under the age of 13. these, they take back to special homes and raise them in the new World Wide Religion.”


Huh? Indeed. What the FUCK. First off, the law was just announced in yesterday’s paper. How the hell have they had TIME to set up all this crap? They’re moving rather fast in that they are enforcing the law the same day they announce it.

I’ve already talked about the logistics of Sunday Laws in another post, so we’ll skip that for now.

But the government hasn’t had time to go on multiple raids because this is the first night they have had them.

What the FUCK were you thinking teenage!self?

I massage my abdomen, horrified at the thought of my little child being whisked away, knowing that it would grow up not knowing Jesus… I shudder. I would rather it be still-born than have that happen!


“I left the church a long time ago.” I whisper, my cheeks going red.

What, its not a total lie!

Holly, my intention was not for you to lie about who you are!

“Oh,” said Aralyn, disappointed.

That, that sentence right there? The one I underlined? That was God speaking. God is a character in this novel: Hi, god!

He isn’t too pleased with Holly, at the moment. 5 points to Slytherin anyway for Teenage!Self for at least trying to make god a character. Good job, self.

I slide out of bed and reach for the nearest duffel bag.

Duffel bag number 1 out of like, 40.

I pull out my gortex shoes, black velvet pants, and a lavender sweater with purple trim.

Yes. Teenage!me really wore such things.

I follow her downstairs to the table, where approximately 20 children are eating scrambled eggs, ham, cereal and buttered toast at a large table.

20 children? the govenrment has had time to raid 20 houses?

Also, a program being set up to deconvert SDA children would need to know that the proper time to introduce ham into their diets isn’t right after you’ve removed them from the home. You need time for the children to adjust to everything else. Any compassionate house mother would know that you should at least start off with Turkey bacon. Though even that might be a little much, because, I’m not kidding, this would probably be the first time those children have ever tasted real meat in their lives.

In fact, you might even have to start out with scrambled tofu. Just kidding. Most SDA kids eat real eggs. At least, I always did.

Mrs. Gladstone walks up to me and says, “good morning, Holly! This is your seat.” she points to a chair between a girl with long blonde who couldn’t have been more than 10 years old, and another small girl around the age of eight, also blonde, only this one had glasses. I sit down and Mrs. Gladstone offers up a small, repetitive prayer. Then all the children start to eat.

Who were these… oh I know! These were J and O, the chemistry teacher’s kids! Hi Jill and O! Or maybe it was O and E. The Chemistry Teacher had 3 kids, and I played with all 3, but 2 of them more than the others. Hell if I can remember which one now, though.

No, I did not let them read this story.

I eat the cheerios dry, and buttered toast, but do not touch the eggs and ham.

Teenage!me was vegan. But, um, Holly, you’re pregnant. I don’t care about your stupid health ideas, it’s not healthy to feed a growing child dry cheerios and toast. Remember, you’re eating for two now.

Mrs. Gladstone shakes her head and clucks her tongue, “you poor dear!” she sighs and shakes her head, “you have no need to worry here, you can forget all the adventist customs your family has.”

IT. DOESN’T. WORK THAT WAY! children, even young ones, do not just drop their eating habits just because they’re in a new environment. They’re ex Adventists, they’ve got bigger problems to worry about.

Poor Mrs. Gladstone. Teenage!me is pretty critical of her, but really, she has a hard job. Overnight, the government has decided that Adventism is illegal, and now she’s gone from having to foster 4 children to having to foster 20 children.

This is badly written because, as a teenager, I saw all adults as either “good” or “bad.” Mostly bad, because they never seemed to be on my side, like, ever. Even if I was in the right. Most adults never had my back, and would turn on me in a minute.

This was especially true at boarding school, where we had a lot of teaachers who were like…well, Umbridge. We had good teachers too, don’t get me wrong, but even those teachers were going to confiscate your music if they found out you had it. We academy students were not allowed to ahve music at all. Ever. Even in the privacy of our own dorms wtih our headphones on.

er, moving on….

We wake the babies up one by one and feed and dress them, then we wake the 4 year olds, who can feed and, to a certain extent, even dress themselves.

You are putting a 12 and a 16 year old in charge of “an entire room full of babies?”

Poor Mrs. Gladstone. She must be seriously overworked.

Spanish class! Well, at least we start with a class I’ll be good in. lets see, 344… numbers that start with a 3 are generally on the 3rd floor, so, where is room 344 hiding. I must’ve gone up and down the hallway 40 times! A bell rings. I’m also late.

I throw down my schedule. “forget this schedule! I need a map!” I exclaim.

Teenage!me, helpless with directions. Adult!me isn’t much better.


I sigh, and start to pull out a bible. Then I remember that that woudln’t be a good idea.

Bibles are banned in public high schools. every Adventist kid knows this. Even though at this point I had actually spent a year at a public middle school.

(Disclaimer: Bibles are not banned in public schools for personal reading. You just can’t start a prayer group)

“Since you find what were doing so boring, why don’t you come up to the board and conjugate some simple verbs for us?” she snaps. I sigh, get up from my desk and walk slowly to the front of the room. All eyes are on me, I hear students giggling into their books. I try not to feel embarrassed. I will show this teacher that she will not get the better of me. I will not feel stupid, rather, I will use this opportunity to show off.

Verb after verb is thrown at me and I conjugate it right, present, past, future, and imperfect, even conjugating for vosotros. Then she starts firing off rapid questions in Spanish at me. I answer them all correctly, making sure to look bored.

This…. makes me sound so stupid. If I wanted to sound smart, I would have conjugated past imperfect, future subjunctive, and pluperfect.

Even God thinks I showed off too much, and he says so. Good job God. You know, this story is really terrible when I realize that you are the voice of reason in this story.

Boy, Tall-Girl-with-the-blonde-hair sure seems to have a lot of freedom to run around the hallways of this high school. You’d think she was like, my guardian angel or somethig.

She’s not, by the way. This is just bad writing. At least Teenage!Merikay had a reason Tom was so terribly written. My excuse is…. I maybe kinda had a slight thing for this person in real life?

er, moving on.

I wanna die too, Holly. It’s ok, really.

“Mrs. Gladstone and I used to be good friends.”

wait, there’s backstory here? I don’t remember this. What the fuck! Is this something that I ever bother to explain? What the heck teenage self.

“No,” I promise, “no suicide.” not until the baby is born. Then, I will take my life.


“My parents were captured on a raid the government did on our town.” she says, “they took me because for one thing, I haven’t been baptized so I’m not technically a member, and I guess because they thought I was young enough that I could be taught.”

the government has had time to raid WHOLE TOWNS. holy shit, I wish the government in real life worked like the one in this book: swiftly and efficiently.

After we finish feeding the babies, we take them outside and let them run around. We had to be in our own rooms by 9:00.

What. what….. I don’t… Id on’t… what… babies..running….baies….oh god I’mg onna die laughing.

“Thats the thing,” I tell her, “Its either jail now and heaven later, or heaven now and hell later.” I sigh, “Its your choice Aralyn, but I have already chosen.” I turn over and cry myself to sleep.

Teenage!me thought this was so clever.

Have they invetned time travel yet? I’ve got some business i left unfishined 12 years or so ago….

“I’ll take you to the doctor later today for an abortion.”

yes, teenage!Me thought these things were routine. oh, you got pregnant? Abortion! who cares about how far along you are, YOUR BABY WILL BE ABORTED!

yanno, maybe I’m being too hard on teenage!self here. Teenage!self thought that that is exactly how abortions worked becuase that is how most of the adults in teenage!self’s life thought abortion worked. Teenage self remembers going to washington DC and seeing protestors outside with dismembered baby body parts and asking if that was a real fetus and being told that yes, this was what an abortion looked like.

So, I think I’m gonna cut teenage!self some slack on this one. There’s no way she could have known….

Oh wait, she had an internet connection and 6 months to write this.

Forget I mentioned it.

Then again, Holly, you saw a lot of pregnant teenagers yesterday too.

Hi God. You know, you’ve been pretty reasonable throughoyut this whole thing, but seriously? Public High schools are not chock full of pregnant teenagers. You’re god, you should know better.

Friend! She used the word friend!

Friends! I have friends!

Oh god, poor teenage!me. I was clearly desperate for love and attention.

Oh my god…. yes, this is exactly what those public schooled heathens are like…….

Seriously teenage!self, why didn’t you succeed in killing yourself? You’d have done the world SO MANY FAVORS.

sonogram. ultrasound. same thing, right? Right.

“Are you sure you can sneak out of church without the guards knowing??”

I may not have spelled it all out in detail, but goddammit, teenage!me knew that there would have to be guards involved. After all, what else would stop people from slipping out the back door once they’d been checked off on the attendance sheet?

20 points to Slytherin, self.

Oh God! I’m not so worried about church on Saturday, as I am about sneaking out on Sunday! Its easy to sneak out of an adventist church when no one will be watching, but in this church, there are probably going to be people taking attendance making sure no one will leave during the service! I’m so scared I’m crying. I brush the tears away.

20 more points to Slytherin for realizing that attendance taking would be necessary. Teenage!me has clearly given more thoughts to the enforcement of Sunday Laws than most adults.

The prayers Holly prays sound realistic to me. I’ve prayed similar.

A peace washes over me; a peace that I’ve felt but almost forgotten. A peace that I cannot describe. And even if I could, I wouldn’t, because almost before I can think about it, I am asleep.

It’s a little heavy handed, but I like this. I like that I can’t describe it, so for the most part, I don’t even try. 5 points to Slytherin.

O! It’s O!I am most certain that that little girl is O, the chemistry teacher’s daughter. She was the one I played with the most. Wonder what she’s up to these days.

She sobs, “I can’t go to church on Saturday, they make me go on Sunday, I don’t want to go, I try to run away, but….” she starts sobbing harder, “do you think he still loves me?”

Yanno, I don’t think I quite understood the impact the end times would have on children. Poor O. Does she even get a name in this book? Poor O is scared that because she is forced to take the mark of the beast, god will send her to hell.

Let that sink in for a moment. An 8 year old is convinced she’s going to hell for something she has no control over.

What a fucked up piece of shit belief system!

Holly reassures O that of course she’s loved, then leaves.

oh god, I used the word “memed.” for those who don’t know, this “verb” is short for “memorize.” I mem. You mem. he or she mems. They mem. “My friend J and I love to mem bible verses.”

We were teenagers, ok, give us a break. we thought it was cool.

Holly doesn’t spend much time worrying about whether or not she’ll be saved. Points? I guess?


months and months have passed, apparently, without Holly noticing.

Obviously. I mean, she geos from 5 weeks to 5 months pregnancy in the space of about a week.

Try not to think about it too much, you’ll just get confused.

The next day, Aralyn’s alarm clock goes off early. “we have to go to church.” she tells me, “and after that, training sessions!”

“I’m not going.” I mumble and roll over.

“Holly,you have to! Otherwise you’ll go to jail!”

“Tell ’em to send the cops.” I mumble into my pillow.

Sounds about like what I’d say…. unless they were actually going to send cops after me.

“Fine! Get yourself arrested! I don’t care. I’m only trying to help.” she leaves the room muttering to herself.

apart from getting kinda violent with teenage!me, I actually believe her. this owman is proabbly doing this to try and save as many children as possible fromthe Sunday Police. Can’t say I like her methods, but you know, she has a point.

All 18 year olds have their own houses. Totally.



Oh wait, teeange!me was like, “End times propechy checklist, check!”

Excuse me, I have to bang my head against the wall for ten minutes. Ok, I’m back. Moving on.

What was I imagining the backstory between Mandy and Mrs. Gladstone to be?

I have no idea. Maybe I knew the answer to this when I wrote it… but honestly, I can’t remember anymore.

Is it even POSSIBLE to sing after you’ve been sprayed in the face with pepper spray? NOBODY GO TEST THAT.

I gasp, “No!” I scream, “No! I would rather it be still-born then be born and never know Jesus!” I start crying. I’m scared. And I don’t wanna kill my baby, but neither do I want it to be lost…. Invisible girl puts an arm around me.

This is why they don’t like it when 16 year olds have children.

I nod, remembering suddenly that 9 out of 10 boys dump the girl once she gets pregnant.



Yes, in case anyone was wondering, I was a Star Wars fan, which I of course felt proper Adventist guilt about, after a while….

I have contractions for weeks? Is that how pregnancy works?

Ok, as bad as this part is… I like that Holly and Jesus have an actual conversation. A lot of end times stories just leave God as this mysterious entity who doesn’t really interact with the people much. So I like that teenage!me wrote this.

Even if it is incredibly sucky.

Why did they need Matt to get Holly’s child? The government had her in prison. They already had access to Holly’s child. Why make up this ridiculous conpsirachy theory about her ex boyfriend wanting to steal her child, kill her, and give the child to the government when they government already had the child?

Logic: clearly not teenage!me’s strong point.

They are wearing red on the hems of their robes

You non Adventists probably don’t know this, but Adventists believe that in heaven, Martys will be given white robes that, unlike the rest of us, have red hems. So this line was teenage!me’s subtle way of saying, “these characters died off screen.”

When you consider the audience, this is subtlety.


Oh look, I remembered the title of the book!

The end

yay, it’s over!

Ok, I’ve changed my mind about the whole New Year’s resolution thing. My New Year’s resolution is to never write anything this horrible ever again.


2 thoughts on “Reaction Post–Rereading Parable Of The Sower

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