This is a story I wrote as a young teenager at a boarding academy. It is both a conversion and an end times story.
I have edited nothing. (well I guess I did at some point in my early 20s, but this is the original version that I wrote at 15ish.)
That Monday, I wake up with a soar throat, headache, and stuffy nose. My sister comes in before she goes off to her SDA school (mainly just to make sure I’m not just faking it like I normally do) she gives me a hug, tells me she’s praying for me, and leaves.
Shortly after my mom comes in to talk to me before she goes to work.
Sometimes, I feel awful. My mom is so nice, so loving, and I treat her like crap. I feel awful.
As soon as I hear my mom’s car in the driveway, however, I get out of bed, get dressed in baggy clothes, and head out. First stop: mom’s room. $40 is now missing from her purse. Then I leave the house.
I’m browsing the CDs at the store in the mall. I’ve just shoved one into my pocket when my boyfriend, Matt, pokes his head out and says, “Hi.” I jump a thousand feet. He laughs.
“Startle you, ‘Drona?” I nod stupidly. He calls me ‘Drona, because Ladrona is Spanish for thief. (female thief anyway) “Skipping school again?”
Rhetorical question, right?
“Wanna come to my house for a while?? My parents aren’t home.” He puts his arm around me and whispers in my ear, “we can do whatever we want!”
I hesitate, not knowing weather or not I want to do what I know he is asking me to do. Not knowing weather I’m ready for this. I mean, it is a big step…. the bible… then I look into his gorgeous eyes, and remember that he’s the only one who really understands me. The only one who won’t condemn me for what I’ve done. He slips his hand into mine and says, “don’t worry, I’ll be protected, it’ll be fun. You’ll be alright.” He kisses me on the cheek, “trust me.” He gently pulls me towards his car, and I do not resist.
At 2:59 I jump into my pajamas and dive down under the covers. My sister is just getting out of school, and ten minutes later she walks into my room. I jam on headphones, pop in a CD, grab a book and try to look like I just woke up. Jaimie walks in, giving me a piercing look. She walks up to me, hits a button on the CD player sits down next to me on my bed. I put the book down and take off my headphones.
“Where’d you go today?”
I look away. The look on her face tells me there is no room for doubt that I was not home today.
“Nowhere.” I say, turning back to look at her, hoping she can’t tell that I’m lying.
No such luck.
“The mall.” I admit, looking away.
I nod. I don’t look at her.
She sighs, “Holly, I’ll still love you. I’m not gonna yell at you.”
I put the CD player and book aside, and roll over in bed. She pats my back.
“I’m praying for you.”
Don’t waste your breath you pathetic fool! I want to shout it out so bad, but I can’t because tears are falling out of my eyes and my throat is getting tight. I bury my face in the pillow. I won’t let her see me cry.
Jaimie gets up and walks out of the room. I feel so dirty, so unclean. So worthless and lost. Yet at the same time, a perverted kind of happiness, a feverish delight. But mainly, I feel like taking a gun and–
Over the next few weeks, my life grows worse. I continue stealing, skipping school, and hanging out with my boyfriend, though we haven’t been alone together since that one special afternoon!
One day, my bubble is burst. I wake up, run into the bathroom, and start puking. A horrible thought occurs to me, but I shake it off. No, its the flu. Its been going around school…. but I haven’t been at school enough to… no, I can still catch it.
My sister, of course, thinks I’m faking it, but there isn’t much she can do. I’m really sick, enough that I actually stayed here all morning and had pizza with chocolate syrup for lunch.
At noon, I feet much better, so I sneak out to the mall and steal some new pairs of jeans, rock CDs, new age books, and occult paraphernalia. And some earrings.
Every morning for the next week I continue tot throw up every morning, and mom no longer believes that I’m sick, and I can see that I’m also beginning to loose her trust, which in itself makes me feel sick, but at the moment theres nothing I can do about it.
By now I’m so worried that I have to find out. At lunchtime, I sneak out of school and run to the nearest drug store. I find what I am looking for and slip it into my coat pocket. Then I buy some cough drops just to make it look like I came in there for something so I don’t look as suspicious.
I get home at 12:10; I have 20 minutes before I have to go back to school for Spanish 4. I take my lunch into the bathroom with me and set everything up, then begin to eat lunch. After I’m finished, I take a look at the results.
“Please God……” I look at the test strip.
“NO!!!!! God, no!!!!” I throw down the test strip and kick the wall. I burst into tears. I’m pregnant.