Lest We Regret
The corresponding chapter in OBAM has a better title: Petting. I got a little confused at first. I get to pet puppies? Unfortunately, what the author really means is “making out.” I was hoping we were all going to go pet cats. Silly me.
As teens get older, there’s a desire for a girl to think she has a way with boys, and vice versa. This is a normal and healthy desire, however, it can lead to some unhealthy behaviors.
As a teenage girl you have already learned that petting is frowned upon by older adults. But you have observed that many of the younger set seem to consider petting a rather harmless pleasure.
Is that what you kids called it in those days? Were the Dinosaurs pink?
Many teenage girls even assume that a certain amount of petting is necessary to popularity, and that a girl who will not permit it is set aside by her social group as one who is stuck up and prudish.
I didn’t really have that many friends as a child, especially not girl friends, so someone please tell me, is this true? I feel like this isn’t true, but then, I didn’t tend to care what people thought about me as a teenager.
We need not be concerned just here with the various kinds of petting. We shall simply speak in terms of general principles.
I suppose it’s because he doesn’t want to give the teenagers ideas…
As far as our definition of petting is concerned, we are referring to the practice of unmarried young couples seeking out a place of solitude and engaging in personal intimacies such as kissing, fondling, and embracing.
Oh. You mean making out. Seriously, until I got to this paragraph I had very little idea what the author was talking about. Petting is what I do to my cat, ok?
In light of the discussions contained in the fourth chapter you will recognize that petting encourages some very powerful human reflex mechanisms.
Translation: petting gives men boners.
A boy likes to engage in petting because of the pleasant sensations he experiences.
Is there any other reason?
A girl’s reasons for petting are not so much for the physical pleasure she receives, as is true in the case of a boy. Her reasons are somewhat secondhand in that she derives her satisfaction from bringing pleasure to her boyfriend.
Girls don’t enjoy sex, they just enjoy giving you pleasure. Your Fembot 5000 isn’t repulsed by petting, you see, but she does it mainly for your pleasure.
Her greater pleasure comes from assuming that by petting she is endearing herself to her friend and thus improving her social status.
You mean, the real reason people make out is because they want to be popular? Show of hands, ladies, how many of you, as you’re making out, think to yourself “OH I’m SO GLAD I’m IMPROVING MY SOCIAL STATUS OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!”
It may be said, then, that a boy’s principal reason for petting is physical; a girl’s, emotional.
I’m really tired of trying to debunk this same old argument over and over again. Men in the audience, this is not true, ok? Most women out there take a lot of pleasure from making out, and they would like to think that you’re concerned about their needs. Don’t listen to this book. Don’t be a dick.
You may ask whether all this physical closeness is merely an indicator of true love. Well, the author is going to tell you that Twoo Wuv is a very broad thing, which deals with a lot more than physical closeness.
True love is unselfish and considers the welfare of the beloved before the pleasures of the moment.
I agree with this… to a point. This is why a young man who is truly in love will make sure you are giving consent before doing anything with you. A young man who is truly in love with you will care about your physical needs, not just his.
The author takes a whole paragraph to say that the young man who is truly in love will put any physical intimacies aside until marriage. Because Jeebus said to, that’s why.
The reasons why such an attitude is justified will be brought out in the paragraphs to follow.
I bet I can name them already… same old arguments… same old tired arguments.
There comes a point at which, when I review a book, it stops being fun-bad and starts being bad-bad. I think I’ve reached that point. This is just the same crap I’ve heard all my life. Making out is bad because it leads to sex. Sex before marriage is bad because buy-bull. Oh and because you’ll taint your marriage bed forever and ever and ever!
Even the most well meaning penis bearer can be overcome by his “sensations” and go farther than he planned, because when you touch the little head, a man starts thinking with the little head. That’s not what he actually says but that’s pretty much the gist of his argument.
I pointed out that because a girls’ reflexes are not so readily stimulated, it is her responsibility, when occasion demands, to set and hold a proper standard in the relationship between herself and her boyfriend.
Oh sure, blame the woman. She was supposed to stop it, because I can’t control myself as well as she can.
In the present connection it should be emphasized that a boy’s urges are stimulated even by thoughts and conversations. This is a fundamental reason why it is advisable for a girl to conduct herself modestly, both in her conversation and in her dress.
Girls, don’t you dare show an outline of your figure or talk about your period. Any penis bearer within earshot could get “sensations.”
But even though aroused more slowly than in a boy, the powerful reflexes a girl possesses, when once awakened, give rise to sexual impulses.
Well. At least he admits girls do have sexual impulses. I’m going to call bullshit on them being more slowly stimulated. I think that varies from person to person.
These sexual mechanisms are very powerful and may overrule you when your brain is telling you hit the stop button.
There are certain parts of a woman’s body which, when fondled, tend to awaken the sex urges.
Oh really? Which ones? This is On Becoming a Woman, right? Why are you being vague about women’s body parts in a book for women?
Sometimes I have to periodically double check which book I’m reading because these books both sound the same. Both books are also equally vague.
Just as touching the eyelid causes a closing of the eyes,
I may or may not have sat here for 2 minutes touching my eyelid trying to make it close. This “reflex” may or may not have actually worked.
so contact with these special areas causes a stimulation of the sexual system.
Which areas? Is he talking about the shoulder? At academy we could never let our bare shoulders be seen. I heard a rumor that that’s how guys got pregnant, but I’m not really sure.
Sexual reflexes are more powerful than the eye reflexes, so you should be extremely careful not to awaken them.
When these special areas are stimulated in petting,
WHAT AREAS? It can’t be the clitoris, because that’s for “feeling like I belong in my husband’s intimate embrace,” whatever the fuck that means. Does the author mean my boobs? Because I’ve never found touching those particularly stimulating.
the normal reserve which a young woman possesses is gradually broken down until she allows privileges that are progressively more intimate.
Ah, the slippery slope argument. You know, not everyone allows their boy/girlfriend to go further than they previously wanted. If said guy or girl is pushing you to go beyond your boundaries, fire them and move on with your life, because that is a big red flag that they are jerks.
I am also really disappointed with the author’s vagueness. This book is supposed to educate me about my body and which part does what so I don’t sit here feeling myself up trying to figure it out.
(Not that that’s what I’m doing, mind you, that’s just what I would be doing if I was a teenager reading this book who had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.)
Basically the argument is that, if you engage in physical intimacy, there’s no logical stopping point. All this stuff is meant to lead to sex, so at some point it probably will lead to sex, and sex outside of marriage is bad because buy-bull.
The only place for self respecting Christian young people to draw the line is to deny themselves those intimacies that stimulate sensual thoughts and feelings.
Hey, kids, you see those Christians over there? The ones who think it’s ok to kiss before marriage? They don’t have any self respect.
But you may have heard someone say, “God placed these reflex mechanism in our bodies; surely there is nothing wrong with using them.”
If God placed those mechanisms and then expected them to go off way before you would start using them, then God is a dick.
Let’s see the author try to weasel his way of out of this one.
It is true, of course, that the mechanisms by which a young man and a young woman are attracted to each other are God given…. and when used as part of the complete expression of love between a husband and wife, they are capable of providing the highest type of wholesome pleasure of which a human being is capable.
See, God put these desires there only to be used in expressing love to your husband, ladies!
I do want to reach back through time and smack him, though, for the “highest type of wholesome pleasure” comment. I don’t need sex to feel “high types of pleasure.”
The author, to prove his point, quotes 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. If you grew up Adventist, you’ll be able to recite with me:
19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
The author then quotes 1 Corinthians 3:17
17 If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.
Jee, I had no idea Paul was writing about sex!
Ladies, do not let a man defile your temple. You will regret it.
The exchange of physical intimacies prior to marriage not only violates the sacred trust of the body temple as emphasized in the verses just quoted but also handicaps a young couple in working out an ideal adjustment to married life.
How? How does premarital sex/touching screw up a marriage unless you let it?
But wait! You may say that you and your boyfriend are going to marry as soon as possible. So why should you refrain from making out?
Even though you and the young man with whom you are now keeping company do continue your friendship until it culminates in marriage, the fact that you have permitted intimate expressions of affection before marriage will rob you of some of the thrills that properly belong to the honeymoon chamber.
You mean the thrill I will have when someone breaks my hymen for the first time? Jee, can’t wait for that.
Seriously, you can do the same acts after marriage. Just because you did it before doesn’t take away the “thrill.” Unless you decide it does. Unless the brainwashing is too strong for you to overcome. If you have a healthy attitude and outlook about sexual activity and a partner who takes your no to mean “no,” you’re going to be just fine.