Real Marriage, by Mark Driscoll Chapter 6 (Sex: God, Gross, or Gift?) Part 1

Chapter 6
Sex:God, Gross, or Gift?

In this chapter, Marky Boy tells us how to have a healthy attitude about sex.

My opinion on the whole thing is that it’s rather gross and disgusting and can’t we all just procreate by test tubes? I know, not all asexuals feel this way, but, I do. I don’t mean that nobody should have sex ever, just that I REALLY don’t want to hear about. And yes, certain people in my life think that I DO want to hear about it, and that I’m just being a prude by remaining a virgin.

Anyway, I will try to stay off this tangent throughout the recap.

Mark begins by telling us that Eve was born and married in the same day, which I always thought was rather unfair. She had no choice but to be with Adam. What if she’d wanted to be single for a while? It’s horrible to be forced to marry anyone.

In any case, God established a pattern for marriage supported by both Jesus and Paul (citation needed). Here are the things that need to happen before one can marry:

1. A guy needs to grow up by moving out of his parents’ house, paying his own bills, worshiping his god (it doesn’t say just any God, it says, “worshiping HIS God”), and generally taking care of himself.

2. A man is then able to pursue a woman

3. Man and wife become one flesh.

Yes, these steps are all initiated by the man. It doesn’t say anything about how a woman needs to live by herself for a while and become self supporting, or anything about her pursuing the man. I mean, if all that was needed to become one flesh is for a man to pursue a woman, rape would be considered an acceptable way of going about this. I don’t know why but the idea of “pursuing” a woman just leads me to think of a guy chasing her and then jumping her. Instead, they should discuss it together as a couple and come together, rather than having a man run after the woman.

The bible says sex is very good, so this is true. The first few pages of the bible tell us 7 things about sex. Really? Because, I’ve read that thing cover to cover many times over, and Genesis doesn’t say much about sex except for implying that it makes babies. The latter parts of Genesis contain rape scenes (I think? Or was the story of Lot in another book?) but I don’t think the first few chapters really tell us much except that “knowing your wife” results in pregnancy. And I don’t think anyone needed the bible to tell them THAT.

Anyway, here’s what Genesis supposedly teaches about sex:

1. God created male and female. They are different but complete in each other

2. love is more like a song than a math equation. People who are “stuck in their heads” get frustrated by this.

No, he doesn’t tell us what he means by that and I don’t have a clue.

3. Marriage is for one man and one woman. This is supported by Jesus himself

(Translation of what he really means brought to you by Trynn: GAYS ARE BAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!)

4. God created sex. In fact, he created our bodies for sex.

(Translation of what he really means brought to you by Trynn: Asexuals don’t exist, mmkay?)

5. Outside of marriage, sex is a sin. Here is an exact list of sexual sins:
a. Homosexuality
b. Erotica
c. Bestiality
d. bisexuality
e. fornication
f. friends iwth benefits
g. adultery
h. pornography
i. pedophilia

I notice that at least 2 of those items are synonyms, and yes, Homosexuality is first on the list, and pedophilia is last. I’ll let you make of that what you will.

I can only find 3 of those that I personally think are sins, and they are:

1. Pedophilia (shudder)
2. Bestiality (animals can’t give consent)
2. Adultery

Looks like I actually missed a few on the list…. my eyes skipped over the fact that Driscoll put rape in the middle of the list of sexual sins. He does admit that rape is wrong, but that should honestly be #2, right underneath pedophilia.

For married people, the following things are sinful to do with someone other than one’s spouse:

a. masturbating someone else
b. oral sex
c. anal sex
d. heavy petting
e. dry humping
f. cybersex
g. phone sex

Seriously, does anybody actually NEED a book to tell them that these things are not ok if they’re with someone besides your spouse? (Disclaimer: if you’ve already established with your partner that you don’t care if he or she has sex with someone else, that is a different situation, but Marky boy doesn’t think that exists, so)

6. Sex is to be done in such a way that there is [i]no shame[/i].
Sometimes shame is ok, because that is a response to our sexual sin. Sometimes we are ashamed when others sexually sin against us, and other times we feel shame about sex because we have the wrong feelings about sex in general.

Sorry, but, I believe that the way asexuals feel toward sex (and the attitude varies a lot) is not wrong, Just because I believe that sex is not something I want to participate in ever in my entire life doesn’t mean I have the “wrong” attitude.

Also, I know rape victims tend to feel shame, and I don’t think Mark is implying here that they SHOULD, just that they do, but I feel like I want to say this anyway: RAPE VICTIMS HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. This is a public service announcement reminding victims of sexual harassment/assault/insert proper term here have nothing to be ashamed of. It is not your fault, you did nothing to cause it, and anyone who says otherwise should be tied to a chair while being forced to listen to Hannah Montana doing a duet with Justin Beiber while being forced to solve math problems in their heads while getting electric shocks to their primary sexual characteristics if they get an answer wrong. So there.

Mark goes on.

7. your standard of beauty is your spouse. God made Adam and Eve, and didn’t ask them what they wanted in a spouse, he just said, here you are, you’re married, enjoy! God did not permit Adam and Eve to develop a standard of beauty. Instead, he gave them each a spouse AS a standard of beauty.

Whoa, holy non consent batman. That is just…. so fucked up in so many ways I don’t even….  :angry-banghead:  :angry-banghead:  :angry-banghead:  :angry-banghead:

Having a “standard of beauty” is not holy or helpful. This is a lie of popular culture. God doesn’t give us a standard of beauty, he gives us spouses.

Unlike other standards of beauty, a spouse changes over time. So if your partner is tall, your standard of beauty is tall. If he is fat, your standard of beauty is fat….

I could kinda see if Mark was trying to say that the person you marry is very likely to fit your standard of beauty… but I’m sorry, I don’t believe that’s what he’s saying, and I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with a coherent response to why this not ok.

If he was saying to love your spouse despite the fact that you don’t see them as beautiful… because I’m sorry, but if I were to get married to someone who, for example, got really sick, and as a result of this sickness, became pale and emaciated, my standard of beauty would not evolve to prefer emaciated people. I would still love my spouse, and I’d definitely still see beauty in them, but I would not be able to adjust to preferring people who were so skinny I cold wrap my small hands around their waists.

In fact, I think this whole “your spouse must be your standard of beauty” thing is very harmful.

Marky Boy then talks about how Adam sinned by sitting by and watching his wife sin, as many men do today… what? Do other Cristian traditions… see, Seventh Day Adventist tradition says that Eve was able to be decieved because she got separated from Adam. In SDA tradition, Adam wasn’t there when Eve sinned. Do other Christian traditions support this, or is it just Adventists? Because I have yet to hear a Christian tell me Adam was THERE and letting Eve sin. Urgh.

We’ve got more sections to go through, but I’m done for now, largely because this book requires too much alcohol, and I’m getting drunk.

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