For some reason, even though I posted it on Thanksgiving day, it didn’t actually post which is weird. So, here is my annual Thanksgiving Post.
November 27, 2014
As I sit down to write tonight, I’m torn. I know I have much to be thankful for. I could even argue, to an extent, that I have more to be thankful for than last year. And yet, I also have less. I’ve gained a job and a home, but lost one of my best friends. I’ve lost my faith in God, and therefore to a large extent, my campus family. I’ve finally figured out my sexuality and what I want in terms of intimacy, and then realized I’m never going to have it. I’ve found a group of people like me, but I’ve also lost most of my campus family. It can even possibly be argued that I never truly had a family in campus, after the missionaries of 2011-2012 left.
I wrote that paragraph a year ago at thanksgiving. What I didn’t know when I wrote it was how much further I had to fall. How much more I had to lose. It dawns on me that I should write a list this year of all the things I hope I don’t lose next year.
But it is the time to give thanks, not to make gloomy predictions. Though I have a rather gloomy one for this dog if she doesn’t shut up soon. She’s been growling and barking at me to play with her for the last two hours. It’s why I gave up on trying to sleep any time soon, and now she apparently thinks I can type AND play tug of war with her gross slimy chew toy at the same time.
Clears throat. Ahem. This is not a rant about how much I do or don’t like grandma’s new dog.
So, right. The annual “What I’m thankful for” Thanksgiving post (brought to you by sobriety and a whiny dog)
1. My job. I hate it, but at least I have one. At least I’m not living (surviving, rather) with my parents.
Or living under a bridge.
2. My Kindle. We are married and expecting children every day now.
3. My family.
Sure I can only tolerate them in small doses, but I’m sure the feeling is mutual. And my little cousins are… energetic as this puppy.
4. Access to first world medications
(at least until my birthday in a month)
5. I’m not allergic to peanuts
6. I have enough to eat
7. Secular friends.
Oh god it feel so good to type that out, because you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. Friends outside of Planet Adventist? Yes, please! Sign me right up. Unfortunately I lived in such a fishbowl I never got a chance, and when I stepped out into the real world, I was just too different. Now that I know how to fit in more, I have friends who, gasp, don’t believe in Jesus! This is exciting!
And you know what? Having secular friends is better than Adventist friends, because secular friends aren’t always going on about how they couldn’t put up with me if it weren’t for sky daddy telling them to. If my secular friends want to hang out with me, it’s because they like ME, not because sky daddy told them to.
frisbee, er, Macbook air
even though I want to throw it like a frisbee most times
9. My smarter-than-me-phone,
getting me unlost out of one city or another.
10. My stuffed dolphin.
11. My doll collection
12. That I have a roof over my head and a (relatively) soft place to sleep
They are my crack. My friends will straight up ask me, “hey, wanna go to the crackhouse?” and I know they mean bookstore.
14. That I was able to sever nearly all ties with Adventism.
I have a list of like, 4 Adventists I talk to on a regular basis, with another 3 I can call up if I ever need something. That may seem like a short list to you outsiders (lucky you), but on Planet Adventist, everything is connected. Not being connected to the Adventist community makes me an Outsider. And to go from Insider to almost complete outsider in the space of a year (well, a month, really) is HUGE.
It’s a huge adjustment, one that has been… maybe not the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it’s up there. And yet… through all the pain and anger and resentment… I have no doubt in my mind that I made the right decision when I left. None whatsoever.
15. That I get a thanksgiving and Christmas vacation.
In fact, if I wanted to I could get a whole month off of work!
I am exceedingly grateful for broccoli. If there was a god, broccoli is his manna.
17. That Becky cooks me thanksgiving/christmas dinner every year.
18. that my parents paid for me to spend thanksgiving with family this year.
19. KoL Con 11!
It was EPIC! It was ridiculous! It’s not even funny!
I would also like to thank the members of my clan who made that trip possible, largely by having someone come up behind me, knock me upside the head with a club, and dragging me unconscious onto the airplane.
I am not thankful for airplanes.
19.Yes, I am even thankful for this mangy mutt with the mustache who wakes me up by tap dancing on my bladder every morning. Because she makes my grandma happy.
And she did snuggle nicely with me after I wrote this post. Awwwwwww.
Yes, I have much to be thankful for indeed.