I scheduled this to be posted today so I don’t know why it didn’t. Fortunately I kept backups this time, having learned that wordpress eats posts for breakfast on occasion.
My H Key is still missing. I’ll try and proof read but in case I miss something, blame my keyboard.
When we last left our fearless heroes, they were in the treehouse waiting for Margaret to come by with the money they made from the skate races. Earlier it was said that the races cost $3 each, soooo wow. I thought fundraisers knew they had to make it cost more than THAT, right?
In any case, Scotty Boy licks his wounds about being beat by an 11 year old GIRL.
Eldon has to inform them that the lemonade stand not only didn’t MAKE any money, but he LOST $7. In the background, Eli is sitting in the treehouse writing something.
What? Eli looks like he’s Jessie’s age or younger. And they have no problem with HIM being a Buttercreamer, but God forbid JESSIE hold the title. Good Lord, I CAN’T with these people anymore!
Lanny: I told you not to invest in that dumb lemonade stand. You should’ve pulled together with me and Scott.
I agree that the lemonade stand was dumb, but… honestly I’m not seeing a reason Eldon should’ve stuck with them? I mean, if he’d raced Jessie, he only would’ve made an extra $3.
Eldon: Well I guess I can’t be as perfect as you guys!
He storms out of the treehouse, and Margaret and Jessie come up. Margaret actually shouts “Girls coming up!” like they need a warning. Lanny pulls a rope which triggers a “Keep Out” sign.
Buttercream boy: Hey, you know you’re not supposed to be up here.
Um, what? Margaret is a Buttercreamer. I guess they don’t consider Jessie one (but that’s stupid) but Margaret is the boys’ age. Why THE HELL is it a boys only club, still, even with female members?
Besides, they KNEW Margaret was coming by earlier, why THE HELL are they getting mad at her now? What did they expect her to do, throw the money at the treehouse? Boys need to get over their cooties thing. That was SO first grade.
Margaret is way cooler than I am about this whole thing. She strolls into the treehouse, ignoring the boys’ sexism, and asks where Eldon is off to in such a bad mood.
Which is probably a better way to handle it than what I would’ve done, actually, which would be to take Lanny and Scott and throw them headfirst out of the treehouse.
Margaret asks if the guys were teasing Eldon again, to which Lanny responds that they were just telling him the truth.
Yeah, in a teasing manner you stupid jerk.
Margaret doesn’t say that. I wish she would. Someone needs to kick these boys in the ego, because during this whole time Scott’s had this huge smirk on his face. No, I can’t get screenshots because technology issues.
Margaret explains that Eldon doesn’t feel like he belongs with the rest of the Buttercreamers, and I could point out that Margaret and Jessie have more right to feel that way because THEY’RE the ones who are constantly put down and marginalized because VAGINA.
Scott: Eldon needs to learn that we’re a team.
Me: And the team has to do the same thing all the time? Drop dead Scott.
Eli: I think Eldon knows that. Do you?
And then he storms out of the treehouse too.
I’m not sure I like Eli, but I don’t dislike him either. By the which I mean, I didn’t spend the entire movie wanting to punch his face in, so, the writers are improving?
The 2 boys are clueless, but ask Margaret for the money. Jessie announces it’s $38.65. She tells Scott she’s up for a rematch any time he is. Margaret says they’ve made the boys squirm enough for the day and leave. I’m not sure what she means by that. Are they supposed to be squirming because EWWWWW GIRLS!!!!! Or because Margaret was right about their treatment of Eldon?
I hope you weren’t curious, because We Don’t Get To Know.
The next scene is in Mr. Duncan’s lab. It’s dark, and the 2 buffoons are breaking in. They are the loudest burglars I’ve ever heard. I know this is a small town but seriously, even the smallest school I’ve ever been to in the tiniest town I’ve ever lived in had an alarm system. Why doesn’t Elkrige High?
There’s a boring scene where the fat man gets stuck in the window and they make A TON OF NOISE getting him out. Thin buffoon (no, I don’t know their names) somehow has a bunch of needles in his forehead. I guess he landed on them? I blinked and missed it.
The 2 stumble helplessly around the lab. Buffoon one bangs into some windchimes, and…. wait, windchimes? In an Geology teacher’s office? Like, these are freakin’ huge windchimes just randomly chilling in a geologist’s office. They’re not even in a window where they could make a pretty sound, they’re just… by a desk with a fish tank. Ok then. This office also has a bunch of test tubes and chemicals.
And donuts, apparenty, as buffoon number 2 gets excited over them. Buffoon 1 gets scared by a skeleton, scared by a snake… I’m bored. Even as a kid I HATED it when the bad guys were buffoons.
Here comes Jessie and Margaret to NOT save me from my boredom. Jessie says sometimes it seems like Margaret really likes “that Scott.”
Margaret agrees that she kinda likes him like a boyfriend and then Jessie becomes less likeable as she says “yuck! boys are totally gross!”
Sigh. A kid can’t ever have a normal healthy of the opposite gender. They must either find the opposite gender disgusting or adorable.
When I was Jessie’s age, I saw boys as –gasp– HUMANS and potential friends! I wish writers would stop writing children in black and white like that. There are a zillion shades of in between “ew cooties!” and “be sure to wear a condem so you don’t GET cooties.” Seriously writers!
Anyway, Jessie and Margaret are walking by the school and, by the power of their awesome detective skills (by the which I mean, their fully functional EARS) they deduce that someone is in the school.
They see the buffoons running. Margaret first checks to see they’re ok, then discovers they have the map. She grabs it and they both run. Suddenly, the buffoons disappear! Margaret and Jessie prove to me that they have no brain cells by walking back and checking behind the dark dumpster.
Fortunately for them, they find buffoon #2 spread eagle on his back. Eldon peers out behind the dumpster.
Right, because heaven forbid the girls use their wits to save THEMSELVES, oh noooo can’t have THAT, they need a MAN to save them!
I’ve given myself a headache with all the eye rolling.
Eldon recognizes the buffoon as Amaldamar’s friend. And they’ve forgotten about buffoon number 1, who comes out to scare them, but fortunately for the kids is too incompetent to actually do anything to them.
They knock out the buffoons (or the buffoons knock themselves out, I can’t tell which) and tie them to the railing of the school.
I’m thinking now would be a good time to call the police, or maybe that would’ve been somewhere before if there had been time, but as we all know, the Buttercreamers are adverse to doing any such thing. You get the feeling they ARE the town’s police force and EMS all rolled into one.