The Big Damn Mcgee and Me Rewatch, Episode 1 “The Big Lie.”

I’m going to try and eventually work my way through all the episodes ever, but only if I can find them on the internet. So for now. we’re going to do episode one.

For those that don’t know, McGee and Me was a television show that aired in the late 1980s/early1990s era, give or take a few years. It featured a boy (of course, cuz girls never go on adventures) who drew this cartoon character who then came to life.

It’s written and produced by Focus on the Family, which at some point was run by Dr. James Dobson, a man who proudly writes in his book about he beat up his dachshund to prove he was a manly man in charge of the house. FotF is seen as pretty mainstream by some, but by others, heavily conservative and dangerous.

So, let’s begin.

It starts, as usual, with a theme song, during which a boy draws a cartoon, which then comes to life.

Look! I’m alive!
Whoa! I gotta lay off the crack!

The real episode begins with Nick (the boy who draws) opening the bible and reading a (very liberal translation) verse about how lying is bad, and the same thing as hitting someone with an axe.

We are then treated to a cartoon version of McGee getting hit in the head with an axe. Don’t worry, his head regrows.

Except for McGee, none of the characters are cartoons, so it looks a little odd.

Nick explains that he’s just moved into his grandma’s house, and he has to start all over again with new friends and a new school. God I know that feeling, multiple times over.

Nick has an older sister who is sporting a side ponytail. Oh, 90s fashions…

SNORT. Their dog’s name is… Whatever? No, I had to go re-listen to it, but that’s seriously the dog’s name: Whatever. Nick’s father is mad because the dog stole toast off his plate. The older sister insists her dad needs to loosen up about Whatever, but I kind of agree that it’s annoying when dogs steal your food. I also think that the man shouldn’t have put the food in a place where the dog could reach it if he didn’t want Whatever to have it.

I am so going to name a dog or a cat Whatever. That is just an AWESOME name for a pet.

There’s another girl in the family, a younger sister with beautiful golden curls.

The family, except for Nick, scatters.

There’s some loud coughing from the cereal box, with pieces flying out. Out pops McGee which, ew. If someone, cartoon character or not, had been coughing in my cereal, I’d smack him, hard, because ew, gross.

McGee doesn’t answer Nick’s “What are you doing?” Question.

Nick reminds McGee that the last time he gave him advice, it didn’t turn out so well.

We get to see Nick’s first day of school, where he gets in trouble for cutting class because he couldn’t find his homeroom (seriously, does this ever happen? I thought teachers gave new students leeway, at least, mine always did.), drops all his food at lunch as the girls laugh, and then gets caught with a can of spray paint at recess because someone throws it at him.

Then Nick has the misfortune to run into some older boys, who bully him out of some money, or at least try to. Just as he’s going to beat up Nick, another boy comes up and manages to convince Derek, the bully, not to beat up Nick, saying that Derek usually goes for bigger guys, and beating up this little boy would sully his reputation.

Derek and his gang of bullies walk away, and Nick thanks Louis. Louis is a person of color, and I like that. What I don’t like is when he tells Nick not to cut through a certain person’s yard because “that guy’s a crazy old Indian who eats live animals.”

Sigh. So much for no racism. “Crazy old man” is one thing, “crazy old Indian man” is another. And may I remind people that an adult wrote these words, not the child who is speaking them?

Louis tells Nick that anything, human or animal, that goes through there doesn’t come out a live.

McGee then starts talking to Nick, and they have a conversation about whether or not Nick should go. McGee argues that this is Nick’s chance to make an impression, and Nick shoots back “didn’t you hear what he just said!?”

All the while, Louis is standing RIGHT THERE. Which begs the question: do people besides Nick not hear McGee? Do they also not hear Nick when he talks to McGee? Because Louis is standing there right within earshot, and should really be wondering why Nick is talking to himself. And, possibly, where the other voice is coming from.

I could accept that no one else can hear McGee, and I could even stretch it to no one hearing Nick talk to McGee. But I feel like there needs to be an explanation. Come on, throw me a tachyon pulse, some unobtanium, something.

Nick cuts across the old guy’s yard as Louis screams after him to come back. Nickolas stupidly climbs onto the cellar door to peek in the window. The boards are rotted and he falls in, as Louis is still screaming for him to get out of there. Like he can now, dumbass, he’s TRAPPED. For some reason there is an owl in the barn. You know those Indians, amiright? They totally keep owls as pets in their basements.

Anyway, the old man gets up out of his rocking chair and goes down to the cellar. Nick screams and runs past him, and I can’t see very well because it’s dark, but I think for some reason the old man is holding a live rabbit.

He runs into Louis on his way out of the house, “just to say hi.” I do kinda like this kid’s sense of humor.

The next day, as Nicholas comes out of his house, he finds a group of Louis and his friends waiting for him. They are all very impressed that Nickolas had the guts to go into the old guy’s house. They start asking Nick a lot of questions. Nick tries to set the record straight, but then gives up and plays along. After all, it’s hugely helping his street cred.  The Indian man was big, like a monster, and eating a live rabbit.

As we all know, this is how rumors get started in Middle School.

Derek and his gang get wind of it, and they corner Nicholas.

Derek: I don’t believe it! What kind of  a fool do you take me for?

Nicholas: I don’t know, how many kinds are there?

I actually do like his comeback here.

At home, Nick’s grandma talks about how someone broke into George Rivers’ place and scared him real bad. He’s got arthritis so bad he can barely walk, but he gets up to take care of all those injured animals. Grandma goes on to say he’s the sweetest man you’d ever want to meet.

Looks like I misjudged someone…

We switch over to McGee in cartoon world. I guess McGee has his own little cartoon world? McGee and his friends are playing baseball. McGee hits a home run, and the ball crashes in someone’s window. At least 5 police cars immediately come around the corner with their lights squealing. Soldiers surround them on all sides and point guns at them.  McGee’s eyes turn red as he  hurriedly thrusts the bat into the hands of a younger boy. The big fat police officer hauls the  younger boy off in chains. The boy looks out the window with tears streaming down his eyes.

It’s all very over dramatic and stupid, and even as a kid I would’ve rolled my eyes so hard they’d rattle around in my skull. But watching it in school probably got me out of math class or something, so whatever.

Back on planet Real World (and I admit, except for Cartoon World, most of what’s been happening in this episode is very realistic and I could see happening.), Nick’s dad comes in to talk. Nick has some handy little remote that opens the door for him. Not entirely sure how he rigged that up. Tachyon pulses, I guess. Nick’s dad tries to talk to him, but Nick doesn’t answer. Finally he asks Nick whatsup.

Seriously, I want a show where the mother goes to have a talk with the son. But there’s more than one episode in the series so maybe that’s coming up.

Nick kinda sorta tells his father what’s going on. His dad reminds him “the truth will find him out,” which is actually a direct biblical quote. We get treated to a lecture on who all gets hurt when a lie is told about someone. It hurts the teller of the lie, the person about whom the lie is told, and of course, we hurt Jesus when we lie.

I was subjected to that line of reasoning A LOT growing up. A whole stinking pile of dung-guilt which wasn’t necessary, because Jesus doesn’t exist. And also, seriously, every little sin we do, no matter how small, hurts God immensely? Wouldn’t God be in intense pain all the time? Oh but wait, the good things we do make him happy, so he’s also in perpetual joy? So, God is simultaneously in never ending agony and perpetual joy? My room mate and I actually had a talk about that once, but it hurt our brains too much to think about, so we did the same thing we always did with our questions/doubts/things that made no gorram sense: shut up and stuff ’em up where we couldn’t remember ’em.

In any case, I have a huge problem that most, if not any, thing we do affects god in any way. Maybe if I was to go murder someone it would make sense, but a little lie told to middle school students to up a kid’s street cred? Come on. They were afraid of him anyway.

In the next scene, we see Nicholas drawing, looking totally stoned.

There’s a cheesy song about lying playing in the background as we are next shown Derek’s gang getting together after dark by a chain link fence. And then we’re shown Mr. River’s windows windows being broken via rocks. Quite honestly, it would’ve come to this anyway. Kids have always been afraid of Mr. Rivers, so  it would be extremely surprising to me if this were really the first time some dumb kids had vandalized his house.

At the end of the song, we’re shown what Nicholas has been drawing.

Derek didn’t bother keeping what he did quiet, because the next day everyone at school is talking about it. Nick’s family must have moved to a small town, because I don’t remember shit spreading this fast in the bigger schools I’ve been to.

Nicholas is just finishing up with music class when Louis comes up and tells Nicholas he’s going to miss all the action. Derek and his Dorks are going to put the finishing touches on… what Louis says sounds like “old cheese.” and “it should be good.” Then he runs away.

McGee puts on a superhero costume and struts around. He tells Nick it’s time to fix his mistake. “But they’ll kill me!” Nick exclaims.

Given what the bullies have been known to do, I don’t blame him for thinking this. Those boys could really hurt Nick.

McGee convinces Nick to do something,

Cheesy music plays in the background as we are shown footage of Nick running to the scene as Derek and “his dorks” vandalize Mr. Rivers’ porch, setting his animals free, breaking things… again, if kids were always this scared of him and hated him, I’d be extremely surprised if this was the first time this happened.

I’d also be shocked if they decided to listen to Nick when he tired to tell them things got blown out of proportion. Which, I’d like to point out that, even if Nick hadn’t lied, it probably would’ve gotten spread around the school like wildfire and blown our of proportion anyway, because that is how small towns work.

But no, it’s all Nick’s fault for going along with it.

Which, probably he does have some responsibility, but at the same time, once these things get started, even if you don’t lie, there’s really no stopping it.

The song wines about how love never lies. Has focus on the family ever thought about lies such as “no that dress doesn’t make you look fat at all?” Ok, some lies SAVE lives, and are told in love.

When McGee finally, after an eternity, reaches the front porch, the boys scatter, calling him “squid.” Mr. Rivers looks at him.

No words pass between them, but Nick goes home and cries about it afterward. I think this is unfair, I don’t think it’s all Nick’s fault. I mean, sure his actions kind of instigated it, but honestly, if it hadn’t been him, it’d have been someone else. And even if no one else had done what Nick did, Derek and his “dorks” sound like the type who would eventually do it anyway.

In any case, the next morning, Nick is shown cleaning Mr. Rivers’ front porch. Louis comes up.

Louis: You didn’t see anything you said you did, did you

Nick: No. I didn’t really see anything.

This, strictly speaking, is not true. He saw animals that were stuffed, which creeped him out, he saw a live owl, and he saw Mr. Rivers holding a live rabbit.

This, then, is the big lie, but of course, the movie wants us to conveniently forget the first act.

Louis tells Nick it was fun while it lasted, then leaves. McGee sits in a water dish for the raccoon talking about how great it is to be helping out, “yesirree bob.”

Nick doesn’t think he can face Mr. Rivers after what he did to him which, oh my god seriously? It’s NOT Nick’s fault Derek and his “dorks” vandalized Mr. Rivers’ house. Even if Nick had told the truth, it still would’ve spread all over the school all embellished, and in any case, I’d be really surprised if they weren’t going to eventually do it on a dare anyway. But Nick has to beat himself up for it because he is a Good Christian ™.

Mr. Rivers comes out and smiles at Nick, telling him he should start on the cellar steps next.

Nicholas laughs as the raccoon licks McGee, who thinks he’s being eaten and screams like a girl.

Aaaaaaand that’s it. The end credits roll.

I don’t dislike Nick, at least, not yet. I also don’t think what happened is entirely his fault. I feel like there could’ve been a better storyline for the whole “lying is bad” thing. And I know we saw glimpses of it, but I really wish we’d seen more of Mr. Rivers being nice to… well, we don’t really get to see much of him at all. So I would’ve liked to see, instead of grandma telling us Mr. Rivers is the nicest person you could ever meet, I wish we’d been shown that Mr. Rivers is (or at least, can be) a really nice person.

And I wish they hadn’t gone with the whole stereotypical “Native Americans are close to nature hence all the injured animals” thing.

I’ll wait and see more episodes before I judge, but so far I dislike the writing, but the characters and storyline are somewhat believable. Nick also never came across as self righteous and stuck up. In fact, he seemed kinda like a normal kid who struggles with… well, whatever it is kids his age struggle with. And that’s refreshing. I don’t (yet) hate the protagonist in a Christian movie.

And now I’m going to go take some NyQuil and call it a night.

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VeggieTales: Larry Boy and the Fib From Outer Space, Part 2 (conclusion)

We left off with a much bigger Fib telling Junior how he has a special gift for lying. I’m sorry, but that lie he just told was RIDICULOUS. Even in VeggieTales land, no one owns a pet crocodile.

Meanwhile, Larry Boy disagrees with Alfred that anything from Space landed in Bumblyburg. Larry complains about being tired and hungry and having to go to the bathroom.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our town’s ONLY protector. He gives up and quits when he has to go to the bathroom and his suit is on too tight. 

Laura, Lennie, and Percy Pea find Junior and confront him about the lies. They keep yelling at him “lies, lies, it was ALL A LIE!1!!!!!!1!1!!1!!” And they’re all dramatic and stuff and…. yawn.

Junior tells them all it was space aliens, which, since Laura was THERE, she should know better. Even if Junior hadn’t ripped off the plot of Invasion of the Cow Snatchers, which Percy happened to have seen in theaters yesterday. Ooops. Don’t get your lies from movies, kids, unless they’re 50 years out of date and you’re talking to someone under 50. 

As Junior tells this really uneblievabe lie that only someone with a brain the size of a… er, pea, would believe, Fib grows and grows until….

Hi, Junior!

Fib picks up Junior, saying not to worry, a little fib couldn’t hurt anybody. He then proceeds to go about destroying the town, Junior in hand. Fib even crushes the police man’s car. Apparently that was the only policeman in town, as Larry Boy is called to the scene isntead of other police officers.

So Glad I don’t live in Bumblyburg. They really are bumbling!

Larry boy and Alfred are playing Candyland. HAHAHAHA I remember that game. Larry Boy’s been stuck in the molasses swamp for 38 turns. I think mom and I eventually made it a rule that you could only be stuck there for 3 turns max, just to keep the game from getting too boring. Larry Boy turns around to look out the window, sees the town in Chaos, and dramatically tells Alfred the game is….. Postponed.

Cut to shot of Fib and Junior. 

Junior: Fib! Why are you doing this to me! I thought you were my friend!

Fib: That’s the thing about Fibs, Junior, we grow.

But that still didn’t answer Junior’s question. Why is Fib doing this to him? Why would Fib go through all that to get bigger just to…. eat Junior? Stomp around the whole town and destroy it? He knows that it’s not going to be that hard to take him down if he’s that obvious.

Really, this would make more sense if he was a sewer mutant than something from Outer Space.

Along comes Larry Boy, to not save the day.

Fib climbs the water tower with Junior in hand, saying, “let’s see if your little poy-pul friend can help you up here!”

Yes, he really did say “poy-pul” instead of purple.

Larry Boy tells Alfred he can’t get through to the water tower because there’s a road block. Yet there is PLENTY of road space for Larry to get up to speed for takeoff. We are then shown footage of the road, and there is no roadblock. That road is clear all the way through.

The policeman continues to stand there watching, not doing anything.

Alfred tells Larry that the monster is a lie, which makes no gorram sense except to the people who’ve been watching the TV show, but I’d think Larry would need more information. What do you mean the monster is a lie? Do you mean it doesn’t really exist? Do you mean it lies? What does that mean, exactly?

It turns out that Alfred, in addition to being Larry Boy’s assistant, likes to Tinker in his spare time, and this is how the Larry Mobile can fly, which is something Larry just found out. Alfred also likes to dabble in Nuclear Medicine and physics. Can Alfred be the superhero, please? He’s smarter and more likeable than Larry.

In any case, Larry Boy flies up to the Fib’s head, then ejects himself from the Larry Mobile. I don’t know what his plan was, but it’s obvious that Fib is just going to use his hand and snatch him out of the air.

When you consider that no one in Bumblyburg has hands, I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising that Larry Boy couldn’t have seen that one coming 10 miles away, and why would he abandon the Larry Mobile, anyway? Does it have auto pilot landing features? Is it now going ot crash into some innocent person? What exactly does Larry plan to do anyway?

Turns out there was no plan, apparently. Larry is told that he can’t stop the lie.

Larry Boy: Alfred! Why didn’t you tell me that before I jumped on him!”

Alfred: Because my computer hadn’t figured it out yet.

Sigh. I had such high hopes for you Alfred, but you can’t let a computer do all your thinking for you.

Fib: Even a little lie can get big really fast. And a big lie can just swallow you up.And Junior, you made a really big lie, huh huh huh.

You know, as children growing up in Christian school we had this pounded into our skulls, that a small lie would only grow over time and get bigger and bigger. Except that then I grew up and found out that…. it doesn’t. I mean, sure, some lies can, if you’re stupid enough to tell them about other people who can counterract them. But if you tell someone something like, “That dress makes you look reeeeeeaaaaal skinny” or “no, I totally put the air conditioning at a temperature you find acceptable” or “Yes, I totally read my bible this morning.” Oddly enough, those lies don’t come back to haunt you. Even when I cranked the air conditioning up to Absolute Brrrr and told everyone it was only on 72, they believed me.

Amazing how none of my lies swallowed me whole or even made me feel like that in the metaphorical sense. I guess I’ve been lied to growing up, haven’t I?

Fib debates over whether or now he will eat Junior or Larry Boy first, and this is the only thing that causes me to think it was a good idea for Larry Boy to jump on Fib, because it’s going to buy Junior some time while Alfred figures out how to reboot his computer.

Because seriously, just as Alfred is about to figure out who can stop the lie, the cord gets unplugged. Sigh.

Fib decides Larry Boy looks like candy, so he’ll eat him first, Larry Boy tries to protest that it’s spandex and quite bitter which, seriously? If he was a real hero, he’d be urging Fib to eat him first instead of Junior, which could buy Junior some time while Alfred figures out how to save him. But no, our Cowardly Hero is literally going into the creature’s mouth and being sucked on, protesting the whole way.

Fib’s mouth opens

Ladies, Gentlemen, and everyone in between, THIS isn’t scary at all, nope, good clean fun for the whole family.

Alfred screams for a full minute before bothering to check what’s wrong with the computer. He plugs the cord in and screams:

Alfred: Boot you transistorized tormentor! Boooooooooot!

Which, haha, can’t you totally picture Doctor Smith from Lost in Space saying that to The Robot?

Fib is just about to bite down on Larry Boy (Seriously, who puts food in their mouth and then sucks on it without biting down first? Larry Boy should be dead by now) when Alfred informs him that Junior can stop the lie.

Junior overhears, takes a deep breath, and yells, “It was me! I did it! I broke the plate.”

Fib shrinks one size, making no real attempt to stop Junior, which is odd. Also odd is that Fib doesn’t shrink in proportion to how he grew. He shrinks little by little, but he last 2 time he grew it was very fast.

As Junior tells the truths about all the lies he’s told, Fib shrinks and then… disappears? We never see his oversized cold virus body again.

Aaaaaaand Junior and Larry Boy are stuck on top of the water Tower. Larry Boy uses a super suction ear to put Junior on the ground.

Junior apologizes to his parents, who aren’t made, because Junior is more important than the plate, and he’s been punished enough, because SCARY MONSTER TRIED TO FUCKIN EAT HIM.

Junior’s parents tell him they value his honesty… bla bla bla, it’s a very touchy feely moment.

The closing scene of the movie is late at night, when another oversized cold virus, a pink one this time, bounces into the street like a bouncy ball. Fade to black.

Bob and Larry, of course, have to talk about what they’ve learned today. Larry uses his plungers to keep Bob from turning off the end theme song, which strikes me as cruel, because no one should be forced to listen to their least favorite song. (I always leave the room or stuff my fingers in my ears when people start singing Jesus Loves Me, for example. Worst. Song. Ever.)
Bob and Larry check in with QWERTY to see if he has a verse for us. QWERTY spits on John 8:32b, the truth shall set you free.
Sigh. Even –I– know the context of that one.

If you read John chapter 8, you’ll know that Jesus is referred to as the truth, and he is supposed to set us free. Truth in this context isn’t really supposed to be about lies vs truth, it’s more like… Jesus is truth, because BYE-BULL says so. And Jesus has come to set you free.

Bob: You see, the only way to be free is to do what God wants us to do

Me: SNORT! That just made me a slave, dumbass.

Bob: And God wants us to always tell the truth. And facing your parents is a lot less painful than getting caught in a big lie!

Maybe some parents really are like this. Other parents… I’d rather tell lies to. Even as an adult, it is necessary for me to lie to my parents. Even though I’m too old to be punished, I’m not too old for them to cut me out of their lives. And so, lies are necessary to get through life.

Life isn’t like a VeggieTales episode. Life isn’t black and white like it is in Bumblyburg.

This episode SCARED THE LITERAL SHIT out of me as a child. As an adult, do I think it’s too scary? I think that depends on the child. You can’t always predict who will be scared by what. I do think there are some scenes that could’ve been edited to be less terrifying without altering the story too much, but other than that… it’s mainly just stupid, in my opinion.

I’d probably let my kid watch it if she came home with it, but I’d definitely not encourage her to watch it in the first place.

Buttercream Gang Post later this week. It’s hard because I have technological issues while watching it. So hopefully sometimes this week.

VeggieTales: Larry Boy and The Fib From Outer Space Part 1

There will be another Buttercream post sometime this week.

I’ve been wanting to do another Veggietales post, and when I stumbled across this on Amazon prime, I shuddered. This epsiode scared me SO BAD as a child I refused to sleep in my room for months.

As we all know, adulthood is for going back and explroing our childhoods to see if things that scared us were actually very scary or if we were just young and dumb.

So, I’m going to grab my pickles, some tea, and my teddy bear (just in case!) and dive in.

The character of Larry Boy was born when Larry decided he wanted to be a super hero and put plungers on his head. In the original episode, which was just a regular VeggieTales episode (I don’t remember which) he decided he should give it al up and be just Larry, like God made him. Because that was the whole point of the episode.

And then this spinoff series happened, so, forget about all that being yourself nonsense?

The episode starts off, as usually, with Bob the Tomato asking if anyone has any questions, because they are there to answer them.

Larry then tells Bob he got an email, and Bob stops him to ask what that is. Um, lolwhut? By the time this episode aired, I’m pretty sure emails were a really huge thing that almost everyone had.

Bob the Tomato is apparently 90 years old and doesn’t realize this, so is confused when Larry asks if he is “wired, plugged in, surfing the web, HTML good buddy!”

Anyway, in the email, the kid is asking if he should lie to is parents about the bad thing he did. I don’t think any of us ever actually needed to ask that question because we had the answer pounded into our skulls growing up: tell the truth and get punished anyway, it’s what God wants.

Of course, if VeggieTales ever answered questions that kids actually ASKED, it would start to tackle some really tough ones, and we can’t have THAT.

In any case, the following is a story about what happened to Junior Asparagus when his little “fib” got out of control.

The theme song for the Larry Boy episodes plays after the intro, and it’s a bit different from the normal veggietales song. Here’s a link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM6zkucpFck

We open next on Bumblyburg, where 2 peas come out and talk about the movie, which was about aliens sucking cows into their spaceship and then switching brains with them so they could infiltrate earth. We will later learn that this movie is called, “Invasion of the Cow Snatchers.”

The 2 peas then see a shooting star and wonder what it is. Well jee, it looks like a friggin’ shooting star from here, but of course, it’s really aliens.

Which is ironic, because the 2 gourds at the Bumblyburg Science Lab have a screen showing the shooting star playing in the background as one of them complains about how “B-O-R-D” he is, because they never go to see any space aliens.

An alarm light flashes and Jerry Gourd notices before Jimmy Gourd. Seriously it’s blaring all over the place, is Jerry deaf? Apparently if that alarm ever sounded, they were to notify Larry Boy immediately, because it meant something from space was about to hit Bumblyburg.

I’m so bored, I should take SPELLING LESSONS!

Jerry and Jimmy Gourd finally show the light in the sky which, seriously Larry you just told Bob he was so early ’90s for not having a computer, you should seriously have a cell phone.

Alfred, played by Archibald Asparagus, comes to get “Master Larry,” who knocks Alfred over with the plungers coming out of his head. Yes, plungers. Because Larry Boy is here to save Bumblyburg from…. CLOGGED TOILETS!

Larry immediately goes to the Larry Mobile, as the words Larry Boy! Flash across the screen to dramatic music.

It’s night time now, and we see what looks like a fist sized bouncy ball, you know, the special kind that bounces really really high, bouncing down the road. It comes to a stop and it looks like this

Wait, this looks familiar…. I’ve seen one of these before… ah, here we go

The Common Cold
Btw, kissing isn’t the only way you can get Mono, so I wish they’d stop calling it that.

The monster from outer space is therefore either a cold or Mono, or some horrid combination thereof.

The scene changes. We are now watching Junior and Laura have a tea party. With Teddy bears and all. Lolwhut? Junior is  FIVE. And a boy. Most 5 year old boys I know wouldn’t be caught DEAD having a tea party with a GIRL.

Laura says they need a plate for Mr. Snuggly. Junior decides that that really special looking plate on the top shelf of a very tall book case is perfect, because it’s a special plate for a special bear. Predictably, the plate breaks when Junior tries to get it. Laura makes up some lame excuse to leave (seriously, she was totally trying to come up with a little fib. Just because she didn’t find one doesn’t mean she should be excused because thats the whole point of this story!)

Anyway, just before Papa Asparagus comes in, the thing from Outer Space starts talking to Junior. His name is “Fibrilious Minimus.” Or Fib for short. Fib talks like the stereotype of a New Jersey cab driver. He tells Junior he is here to help him, and that he needs a good cover story for the plate.

So, when Papa Asparagus comes home to find his limited edition collector’s Art Bigoti plate broken, Junior lies and tells him it was Laura.

Papa Asparagus is surprised Laura would do that and goes to call Junior’s parents which, seriously, even a 5 year old shoulda seen that one coming. This is why your lies don’t ever involve anyone else who could be called upon to check your story. Duh. Junior needs a class in lying 101.

Fib then comes out from behind the couch, and Junior asks if he’s grown. He has, but not very much. Even I have trouble noticing. I’ll post comparison shots because it’s going to be important later.

Aw what a cute little COLD!
No, I’m not growing, I’ve always been this size

Fib is getting a little bigger, but just barely. His growth rate at the moment is… not much, honestly. Hold that thought while Junior and Fib decide to leave the house to have some fun.

In the meantime, Larry Boy is in the Larry Mobile looking for the “Foreign Object” While Alfred sits behind a computer in his office.

Larry Boy drives past Junior and Fib and says, “good afternoon boys,” and then tells Alfred he hasn’t seen anything that could possibly look like it came from outer space, except a kid with green hair and a dog that can whistle.

Alfred reminds Larry Boy that the fate of Bumblyburg resides in Larry Boy’s…. plungers.

I am SO glad I don’t live in Bumblyburg.

Percy Pea, meanwhile, finds Junior. Fib disappears around the corner, telling Junior he’ll be over there if he needs him.

Percy Pea is not happy. It seems Junior actually got Laura in trouble, despite Laura’s insistence she didn’t do it. Ah, playground drama, SO glad to be done with that part of my childhood.

Junior tells Percy this was all a mistake, it was Lenny, Laura’s Brother, who broke the plate. Junior feeds him some ridiculous story about Lenny feeding it to a crocodile. And frankly, if Percy believes that, he deserves to be fooled, because that is THE STUPIDEST THING EVER.

Afterward, Fib looks like this:

Ok, so maybe I’ve put on a few pounds.

Seriously? At first he only grew like, a couple inches, and now he grows 5 feet? Seriously? This lie isn’t even particularly big. And why does he need lies to grow, anyway? On what planet is this a thing? How would such a society actually work?No i am NOT overthinking this, the writers are UNDERthinking it. At the very least we should be getting some idea as to why this works the way it does. Not just handwaving it away BECAUSE ALIENS.

And he has feet, but I couldn’t get a good screenshot of how tall he was with them. Seriously, him having legs should be a BIG FUCKIN’ DEAL. I mean, think about it; no one in Bumblyburg even has legs. So, for one, how does Junior even know what legs/feet are? How does he know the word for it?

Also, he should not be brushing off the fact that Fib has legs. He should be freaking the fuck out. I mean, think about it. No human being I’ve ever seen has tentacles. So if, suddenly, someone I met did sprout tentacles, I’d be flipping out (after making sure they were real.) I would especially flip out if I’d never seen tentacles on tv before. It’d be like a creature suddenly sprouting… something I’m totally unfamiliar with.

I really don’t feel well, so I’m going to have to stop here.  Instead of booze I had to take cold medicine, for an actual cold, so I’m not even enjoying it. I’m not at all used to working through a haze of cold pills. I’ll try to get part 2 up tomorrow or something, and a Buttercream post will be coming either Monday, Tuesday, or Wensday.