The Donut Repair Club: Camp (dis)HarmonyWh

No, the “dis” part of disHarmony wasn’t in the title, I added that.

The Buttercream Gang sequel posts won’t start till I receive the DVD in the mail. Then I have to go track down a device that would allow me to watch DVDS, since my Frisbee macbook air doesn’t have a dvd drive. So it’s coming but expect it to take at least a week. In the meantime, prepare to be horrified by conservative christian children’s favorite donut: Duncan!

The episode is called “camp Harmony.” So, here we go, kids. Ugh, I hope this doesn’t traumatize me further. See, this is the exact episode that scared me as a child. I’m interested to see how I do with it as an adult.

In the beginning, we see a truck driving.

It turns out that the donut man is ROB Evans, not BOB Evans. Whoopsie. I should’ve known. They would never have named their protagonist after a popular restaurant.

The van reaches camp harmony, and the children and Rob get out of the van, despite the fact that they are obviously at the sign of a huge driveway, and start singing and dancing INSERT SCREENSHOTS HERE

Because that’s what I did whenever my parents drove me to summer camp every summer; we immediately pulled off to the side of the really long driveway and started singing and dancing.

Even as a child, that wasn’t the first thing on my mind. The first thing on my mind was OMG BATHROOM! NOW! Especially after a long drive.

The song the kids and ROB are singing is about there being only one God, Jesus Christ.

Actually, technically there are many gods; Zues, Posiden(sp), Herodotus, Krishna, ba’al….. let’s not get into that.

I’m not honestly sure how the song fits the scene, either. Maybe the producers were as drunk writing these episodes as I am watching them.

I can’t honestly tell yet if these kids are the same ones as in the farm video. Does the donut repair club always have the same children, or do they go through different ones per episode? I’ll find out, I suppose. I THINK I spot the same Token Black Kid, but the images right now are so blurry that all I can make out is skin color rather than facial features. I do happen to be faceblind, but the images are honestly so bad right now that faceblindness doesn’t affect anything.

This is the best picture I could get of them all standing in front of the van like this. Incidentally, people have asked me, since I have prosopagnosia, what people look like when I picture them in my mind when I go to remember them. Well, they all look sorta like this:

Yup. People in my memories don’t really have faces.

Hmmmm Rob’s shirt in this episode reminds me of something…. googles…. HAHA! I FOUND IT!

Rob Evans, the Donut Man
1980s My Buddy and Me doll, the inspiration for the movie, “Chuckie.”

New theory: Rob Evans is My Buddy all grown up. Aaaaaand I think I just ruined my childhood.

Hmmm I think I recognize one of the blonde girls, but  the Asian girl is new. Maybe they have like, a pool of 20 children they use at any given time? I give up trying to figure it out.

After the song, the kids all talk

Wow! I didn’t think we’d EVER get here.

So, it was a long trip, then.

Duncan donut: why do they call this place camp harmony?

Rob: because one of the things we learn here is how to make friends and live in harmony with each other. And not just in harmony with each other, but in harmony with god

Boy: harmony? Sounds nice, but, some of us can just camp, right?

yup, totally don’t remember him from the previous episode.

Also, I love this kid. He’s my new favorite. Too bad he’s probably going ot Learn His Lesson(tm.) And seriously, it had to be a boy? No GIRLS wanted to “just camp?”

Rob: oh there’s gonna be lots to do if that’s what you mean, Matt.

So, blonde boy in the green shirt is Matt. Good to know. These kids had better not change their shirts for this entire episode or I will have no hope whatsoever of keeping track of them.

There is apparently a playground, and a crafthouse, and swimming pool. Wow, if that is all that camp has, that is a very poor camp. Just sayin’. My christian youth camp had a fuckton more than that. We had horses and archery and a high ropes course and… and… *pauses for breath—

Rob announces they all need to have a buddy, because they all need to take care of one another.

Seriously? At Christan camp I went to, there were about 10-12 campers per counselor (no, I am not sure this was legal but it was the 1990s and people cared less. The camp has since modified their policies to stay up to code). And the only reason we have a buddy, If we ever had buddies, were if our camp counselor assigned us someone to go with us to pee at night. I am the type of person who pees 5 times a night on a good night, so I never woke anyone else up. And I made it very clear that if people woke me up for something as simple as going to the bathroom, they were not going to live to see morning. The bathrooms were not that far from the cabins, (20 feet, along well lit paths.) It would take serious TALENT to get lost on the way unless there was severe weather. And if there was severe weather, we’d probably all have been awake anyway.

Outside of that, we were always in charge of various adults around the camp, and we had no need for special buddies our age. So I find this system nonsense.

Actually, I take it back. We had to have buddies in the swimming area, for obvious safety reasons, but I usually promptly lost track of mine.

CHILDREN: start clamoring

Rob: woa! I know you have your favorite friends! But part of coming to camp harmony is making new friends and that’s why we have the buddy system

Can I just say how much I would have HATED this, as a child? It’s never a good idea to shackle a kid to another kid they may not like. You may think it will be a great way for them to get to know each other, but a more likely event is that they will come to HATE each other and resent having to be together. Yes, I do know this from experience, ok? So adults, seriously, stop trying to get incompatible kids to like each other. It’s true shackled kids may learn to like each other, but 9 times out of 10 it just has the exact opposite effect. Seriously.

Meet Abby. Because in this movie we get to learn the children’s NAMES!

the donut man refers to yellow shirt girl as Abby. Anyway, she announces she has the perfect buddy in mind for herself. In case anybody wonders, it is The Edible Wonder ™ Duncan Donut!

Is it just me, or does he look more horrified than excited?

Duncan then proceeds to get excited…. it reminds me of a person on steroids who’s been sucking helium who might not be right in the head. Garh. He even spells out buddy for us, in case we didn’t know how to spell. Thanks, Duncan.

Matthew: perfect, they’re even the same size

I know I shouldn’t go around punching children, but…. as a short person, I want to punch this kid

Abby: we might be small but we are a team

Me: um, Ok? That is not a good comeback to short jokes, Abby. You’re going to have to do a lot better than that, in case you’re like me and don’t get a whole lot taller after puberty.

Rob assigns the rest of the kids buddies. Matt insists he doesn’t need a buddy, that he will be fine by himself. I agree with Matt, frankly, and I would’ve been this child, because this child is right. In a camp setting, even in the 1990s, there would  have been sough adults watching out for him that buddies are stupid and unnecessary.

So why do I get the feeling that it is going to be this kid who gets into some kind of danger? I predict he gets lost..

Matt: I’ve been to camp JILLIONS of times. I know this place like the back of my hand

I have said the exact same thing about the youth camp I went to growing up. And… I was right. I did not need a buddy. Now, with that in mind…. I still had adults watching out for me almost every minute, because accidents happen. But it was considered the job of the camp staff to look out for us, not for us kids to be responsible for anyone but ourselves and frankly, I feel like it is unfair to ask 2 eight yer olds to watch out for each other when neither one is mature enough to know when certain things –like going into an unmarked area of the water that’s unsafe for swimming– may be dangerous.

So, I agree with Matt; let the adults watch out for him, it’s their job.

Rob decides HE will be Matt’s buddy, because everybody needs a buddy. Oh great, just what EVERY kid wants; to be the odd one out who has to partner up with the teacher. Classic. I bet Matthew has been anti-buddy for this very reason.

Segway into a stupid song about sticking to one another like peanut butter, and everybody needs a buddy, bla bla bla. I have to skip this one, I can’t stand it

After googling, I found out that, at least nowadays, the buddy system is very common. I see where people are coming from when they endorse it, but I still think it would be horrendus to deal with. Maybe tell the kids not to go anywhere alone. I would’ve hated that too, because I need my alone time, but that’s a system I could at least get behind because kids do stupid stuff and you probably do need someone to run and grab an adult if buddy #2 decides to do something stupid. But if they get a different partner every time they go somewhere, something like, “hey Gladys, I see you’re on your way to the nature center. I am also on my way to the nature center. Might I come along and enjoy the pleasure of your company?”

The only place at my youth camp we really had the buddy system was at the water front. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who totally forgot who mine was the minute we entered the gate. Whenever they called for a buddy check, I usually just found the closest person and held hands with them. Seeing as how nobody ever complained about the chain reaction this probably caused, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who decided I didn’t care.

The song goes on and on about how if you are sad you’ll give your buddy a hug….. hug me and I’ll kick you, ok? Unless your name is Callie W and you spell it wrong.

Look, token Asian is comforting Token black kid!

Lots of footage of kids having fun….. to music….. yawn

This song is particularly terrible. I’m going to barf.

After the song, Abby wants to play follow the leader. Matt says he played that game when he was 2 or 3. he implies it is for babies. I agree, except I would also add “drunk people” to the list.

Rob tells Matt that follow the leader isn’t just for babies, that learning how to follow a leader is a very important thing to learn. Really? At that age, most adults were telling me I needed to learn to be the leader.

I really don’t think that takes any special talent…. I mean, good leaders just naturally inspire people to want to follow them. It’s natural for me to follow someone who’s a good leader. There, lesson learned, can I go swimming now?

Kid: like you rob, you’re a good leader!

Rob: I’m ok,

I bet he’s going to say Jesus is better. Groan.

Rob: I’m ok, but the person I had in mind is Jesus.

HA! I knew it. This show is Pre and dictable.

You know what, I do actually agree with the song that everyone needs a buddy. That my buddy and me doll up thread? I think that everybody needs one of those.

During this song, we learn that TBK isn’t the only one who can do backflips, apparently so can Abby.

Abby tells Duncan: The big kids won again.

Duncan: that’s ok, when it’s time for hide and seek, they’ll never find us!

I approve of this comeback. Too bad it’s not true for me. Having Tourrettes Syndrome (no, that’s NOT the swearing thing, that is copralalia) kind of makes hide and seek impossible for me.

In any case, Rob saying Jesus is the best leader is cue for…. you guessed it, ANOTHER SONG!

This song is about following the Good Shepherd. Look! We get to learn names in this song! Apparently TBK’s name is Brandon… or was it Brenden… this movie doesn’t have subtitles, so we’ll go with Brandon. Which is good because I’m actually really sick of calling him the TBK. Blue denim shirt girl is Katie. Purple shirt boy is…. I swear he said his name was Annie, but I’m going to chalk that up to my hearing problem and decide he really said “Andy.” I’m sorry, this is the second time they’ve said it, but the Asian girl’s name, I still can’t catch it. It’s something like Peeta, Piya, Preeya….  I’m gonna call her “Pree” until I figure out. If I could have subtitles, this wouldn’t be a problem. Orange shirt is Mary. I seem to remember a Mary from the previous episode, and an Abby, though I can’t be sure they are the same kids without comparison pics, and even then my ability to tell the difference gets iffy. So, we’ll just go with, some of these kids are the same, and some aren’t.

Great, now that I know who everyone is, finally, I can call them something besides “yellow shirt” “orange shirt” and “token persons of color.”

And then during the song they all sit down (Matt is kind of straggling along doing as little as possible to actually imitate the others) they all lie down in the grass and Rob starts snuggling with Brandon. I’m not kidding. the images are kind of blurry, but…. this just kind of happens… in the middle of the song…

I THINK I saw Rob’s hand make an inappropriate motion with Brandon, but it’s so blurry I can’t be sure.

I’m disturbed. I think I’m going to take a real shower tonight instead of just sponge bathing.

Since everyone is supposed to be imitating Rob, does that mean everyone must now start snuggling? I have no problem with an adult giving a child a hug, but this just seems… random and inappropriate.

Rob continues to touch Brandon, patting him on the back while moving his head back and forth as he sings, getting very close to Brandon’s face as he does so. Erm….

The scene changes. they’re all eating at a picnic table. Rob announces he wants to eat the last hot dog. Abby announces she wants it, and Rob gives it to her. When asked, Abby reports she has eaten 3 hot dogs. Rob acts like this is shocking, but seriously, we small people can really put away food. Especially children.

Unfortunately, The producers didn’t agree with me and decide that Abby has had that many because she is sharing with Duncan. Sigh.

Rob announces that this afternoon is swimming, canoeing, arts and crafts, and then he has a surprise for everyone. But first they have to clean up. Because they didn’t have kitchen staff to do that for them, I guess. When I was at summer camp in the 1990s, we were supposed to do SOME chores, but mostly it was thought that we should be out having fun, not washing dishes. As far as I know, campers don’t do chores anymore. I could be wrong about that, though.

Matt agrees with me that KP is camp talk for BORING. Rob of course disagrees, but in my opinion he doesn’t make a good case. And no, Rob, attitude doesn’t matter when you’re stuck in a kitchen full of singing people while the men get to go sit down and smoke. No, there was no smoking at camp, or church, but it was kind of the same attitude at church. women cleaned, men sat around and got fat. I got sick of being in the kitchen with the singing women and went to go hide somewhere and read a book and digest. You know, like the men all got to.

So Rob and the kids sing a song about cleaning their rooms and helping around the house and doing what they’re told. This is apparently how they show the lord they love him. I think I just threw up a little. Where’s my vodka?

To love and obey, it’s the only way….

The only way to what? To show the Lord you love him, apparently. Because cleaning your room is the only thing that tells the Lord you love him. That time you gave your cookies to the kid who forgot his lunch? Sorry, the Lord didn’t get the message that you love him! You need to go clean your really messy room.

I LOVE Matthew. Can I just say that we should PLEASE not convert this kid? He is soooo like me. He needs to seriously get free of these people.

I’m with Matt. The kitchen staff should be doing this, not the kids! For the record, our after dinner chores were things like, sweep the dining hall porch. OR sweep the cafeteria floor OR…. you know what I don’t remember all the choices, but none of them took as long as washing dishes for 9 people including Duncan would take. And really, washing dishes isn’t something 9 people could do unless they had like, way more sinks than that. Also, that is not a big enough refrigerator for a summer camp.

Oh I forgot. We also had to take up our dishes to the kitchen, where the staff would put them through a dishwasher. If you were REALLY bad, you had to wash a boy’s (or girl’s, depending on your gender) cabin’s table. The boys or girls would leave all their stuff on the table, often making it as messy as possible for the person cleaning up, though most counselors did discourage that sort of thing. Yes I was subjected to this punishment once, no I don’t remember why. I do know that the practice has fallen out of favor, and that that happened WAY before I got too old for summer camp. That was a nice long tangent.

In any case, I’m taking a short break for more vodka.

Next we see Matt all alone swinging a stick around. He thinks, “boy was this ever a mistake. I came out here to have some fun,  and what happens? I end up doing musical KP duty.

AHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS KID. Please don’t convert him, he’s fine just the way he is! Musical KP duty is not everybody’s thing, ok? Deal with it Church Ladybitches!

Matt’s thinking continues: Give me a break! I’m just going to have to explore this place on my own!

Poor Matt. If he were in real life, he’d probably be fine, if he exercised some common sense. I spent many happy afternoons exploring camp on my own. This of course was during family camp, when my mom was supposed to be watching me. But this was the 1990s and helicopter parenting wasn’t a thing. IRL Matt would probably be fine, but because this is a Kid’s Christian Movie(tm) we all know that poor Matt is DOOMED for going off on his own, and doomed to become one of the other robochildren following around their overgrown manchild leader who resembles the My Buddy doll.

Oh, my bad. Matt is still talking, I interrupted.

Matt: (continuing) I mean, all this buddy  stuff, who needs it?

Scene change. The other children are playing horse shoes. Which looks fun to me, but I’d still rather be off on my own exploring. Not because I dislike horse shoes, but because I’m an introvert and I need my space, and also, exploring is my thing. Force me to be around people 24/7 and I will go absolutely nuts.

Brandon throws and the horse shoe hits the stake. Peeya (I think that’s what they just called her?) throws and misses.

Just then, Duncan notices a sign saying: No life guard on duty, swim at your own risk. He freaks out, somehow knowing that Matt is about to get into trouble.

Because there is no life guard present, Matt is magically going to start drowning.

Ok, I back down. Duncan and Abby actually see Matt climbing over the side of the fence to the pool. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is absolutely not ok for him to be in the pool if there is no one else there, but… I’m a little bit not ok with the fact that, spoiler alert, he starts drowning. Can Matt not swim? If he’s been to summer camp a jillion times, I think he can swim by now.

Also, we are quickly approaching the scene that scared the shit out of me as a child. So, let’s do this.

Unfortunately, instead of alerting the nearest responsible adult (I know it’s a bit of a stretch to describe Rob as such, but he is still technically the adult) Because correct me if I’m wrong, but Abby hasn’t exactly taken a water rescue class, Abby and Duncan decide to… follow Matt. Because THAT’S always a good idea! Matt is clearly headed for trouble so let’s get into trouble with him! Brilliant, screen writers!

The scary music plays as Abby and Duncan try to climb over the fence.

Abby then decides to tell Matt that he shouldn’t be in there, there’s no life guard… she comes across sounding like a goody goody.

Matt: It’s alright, I’m not going swimming, I’m just checking things out!

Aaaaand then he falls in. Seriously, why would you stand like that on a diving board if you can’t swim? Also, if Abby hadn’t startled him, he might not have dropped his stick and then fallen in after it. Juuuust sayin’. Anyway, Matt falls in. Jee, even as a child I couldn’t have seen THAT coming. /sarcasm.

I didn’t have a chance to grab a screenshot, but Matt doesn’t fake drowning very well. He is totally doggy paddling as he cries out for help.

Aaaaand Abby STILL doesn’t shout out for Rob, who undoubtedly is close by, seeing as how the game of horse shoes was totally in sight of the pool.

Duncan: Climb over the fence Abby!

Me: Wrong advice

Abby: I can’t, I’m too small. Besides, we’d never be able to pull him out.

She’s right; she couldn’t. That’s why the first reaction should always be to toss the drowning person a life preserver. Because drowning people panic, and they can drag you under, too. That was water rescue 101, and I learned it at the age of 8-11 at the YMCA. Thank you, YMCA, for teaching me these life saving tactics that then got re enforced in SCUBA class. No, I didn’t take SCUBA at the Y, I had a private instructor and our preferred locations were ship wrecks.

/tangent.

Duncan: Oh yeah, have you ever seen a donut when it gets wet?

Abby: No

Me(as a child): No…..

Duncan: Well throw me in!

Abby throws Duncan the Donut into the pool. Aaaaaand this, right here, scared THE CRAP out of me as a child. As an adult I find it disturbing, but not particualrly frightening.

I actually remember going to my mom and asking her if this was physically possible. She responded that it was, but the donut would be so crumbly you couldn’t grab ahold of it, and was likely to crumble before it expanded. I don’t remember what else we discussed about this show, but I do know I never had to watch it again. I’m actually pretty sure this happened when my mom was babysitting my cousins, K and J, and I was there because well, I was the child and I had to tag along, plus I loved my cousins. I had brought along my favorite video, the lion king, but K and J promptly informed me that they weren’t allowed to watch that. I wonder if they’ve seen it since. K went the ultra conservative route, so I kinda doubt it. In any case, I was like….. you watch WHAT?

So, Abby throws Duncan into the pool, and THEN she screams out for Rob to come quick!

Ok, I have to give her credit for going to find the adult after all. Actually that’s kind of what I’d want her to do; toss the kid a life preserver (a REAL one, and I know they have them by the pool, it’s a safety requirement) and THEN scream for an adult, in case drowning child doesn’t grab life preerver.

In any case, as Duncan is thrown into the water, right before our very eyes, he….. grows.

He is now the size of a life preserver. No idea why this scared me but at the time I found it deeply disturbing. This is seriously the only actual memory I have of the donut repair club. I don’t even remember that he was saving Matt’s life, I just know that he grew in water and it frightened me.

Actually, even as an adult, this is still kinda disturbing.

Rob comes along and grabs Duncan. Since Matt is also holding onto the “life preserver,” this pulls Matt out of the pool.

And then, for once, I approve of something Rob does. In a very kind and gentle voice, he says: That was a foolish thing to do. I’m glad you’re alright. We’ll talk about this later.

But he says it in such a tone of voice that it does not come across as accusatory or mean. Credit is given where credit is due. That was well done.

The other kids, by now, have gathered around and are watching the spectacle. Great, nothing like a little public humiliation to start out the afternoon.

Duncan goes back into his box, miraculously shrunk, with a towel around his head. The kids all go sit down near a picnic table.

Andy: You and Abby were really brave

Duncan(shivering, voice quivering): were we?

Rob: yeah! It looks like the 2 smallest, turned out to be the biggest heroes of them all.

I’m not sure the word “brave” applies, because bravery means doing something in spite of fear. Hero, however, does apply, because Abby kept a cool head, as did Duncan. They didn’t panic, they didn’t lose their shit, they did what needed to be done in the moment. They showed good judgement and levelheadedness. And they did what I would have done, for once in this movie. They deserve the thanks they get.

Mary: Wow, I’ve never met a real hero before!

Lest Abby get a big head or whatever, Rob reminds them that they’ve ALL met a big hero, although he didn’t save them from the water.

Really? These kids have met Jesus?! In person?! Wow! They must be soooooo speshul!

I predict this is going to lead to another song.

Rob(continuing): Jesus saved us from our SINS.

Mary: I’ve never thought of it like that

? What. You mean you’re a child growing up in America, going to a Christian youth camp, and you’ve never heard the whole “Jesus saves you from your sins” spiel?

I don’t believe you.

Ha! I have SO got these movies figured out! It is now time for Rob to tell the kids about The Greatest Lifeguard Of Them All!(tm)

At least he asks Matt and Duncan if they are warm enough before launching into the song.

This song goes on and on about how can they possibly thank god enough for his love and saving goodness! How indeed!

Me: eyeroll

Wait, what? oh my god! i have to go back and catch this….

Lyrics:

Just like the girl who was trapped in the fire

the flames rose higher and higher

You know what, maybe the donut inflating to the size of a life preserver wasn’t REALLY what scared me. Maybe I just got so traumatized by the rest of it I just blocked everything out but the least disturbing element.

A muppet girl, I think.

lyrics:

the fireman kicked the door right down

and now the girl is safe and sound!

Right, so, credit goes to the fireman for putting his life on the line to save her, right?

Is this going to segway into God saving us from hell fire? because if it is, I am DONE with this recap. Just… not even going to finish just done. But they won’t do that, right? I mean, this is a KID’S movie for chrissakes….

This is just an analogy, right?

Right.

Continuing.

Everybody shouts hurray! When the girl gets saved, and they sing, “let god be praised!” Right. sure. Praise God instead of the person who risked his life to save the girl. Seriously, does the fireman get no credit whatsoever?

lyrics then talk about someone rescuing a drowning boy in water. These muppet people are seriously more disturbing than real people would be in these situations.

Don’t worry, a life guard saves him. And of course God, not the lifeguard, gets the credit.

Rob(singing) Jesus is the fireman that puts out the flames of my sin….

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

Smacks inner 12 year old with a hammer

Rob:(still singing): When I’m sinking down and I can’t get free, Jesus comes and rescues me!

hits inner 12 year old with hammer again.

Finally the song is over and my inner 12 year old has calmed down. Rob tells everybody to head to the lodge for a big surprise, but first it’s time for him to Talk With Matt. I would not leave the other kids unsupervised but maybe this was normal in the 1990s?

Rob: You gave us all a scare back there.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate for Rob to hug Matt right now. Matt’s just been through something traumatic, and they are having a nice talk about it. I don’t see anything wrong with Rob’s putting his arm around Matt here. Though with the earlier random cuddling, you gotta wonder, but let’s not read into things that probably weren’t intended…

Matt: Yeah, I guess I was pretty stupid.

Rob doesn’t argue that Matt wasn’t stupid, per say, he just performed a foolish action. Matt strikes me as extremely intelligent and Rob should affirm that. Instead Rob says,

Rob: Oh, you see Matt, we really do need each other.

Well, at the very least, Matt needed a lifeguard on duty. Or, since he can’t swim, to avoid the pool.

Rob(continuing): No matter who we are, God wants us to take care of one another.

Well sure, but even Jesus went out alone into nature.

Matt: I’m sure glad Abby and Duncan cared about me

Look, even if I didn’t care about someone, I wouldn’t let them drown. Abby’s innocent enough she probably DOES care about Matt, though. Sometimes kids are like that.

Rob: Well we all care about you, and we’d be your friends if you’d just let us

Maybe your personalities clash very much with Matt’s? Not everyone can be friends with everyone. There are certain people who I believe are valuable human beings, but I don’t get along with them, and I am not required to be their friend. I am, however, required to treat them with respect. I fail on that a lot, but even *I* know it’s the ideal.

Matt: You mean you’ll still be my buddy?

Rob: Sure I will

Credit where credit is due: this is a good attitude to have.

Rob: But even more than that, God wants to be your friend. He wants to fill your heart with joy.

Sigh. You had to ruin it with your preaching, didn’t you Rob?

Rob them pulls out the donut and the hole and….  you all read about that in the last post, so I can skip it, right? Right. Basically Rob puts the donut hole inside the donut (snicker snicker, we’ve all got a hole, snicker snicker) But Jesus can fill it up, just like a donut hole fills SHUT UP INNER 12 YEAR OLD.

I think you all get the idea. Matt does, anyway. Rob tells Matt to head back to the lodge because there’s someone there, and she’ll help Matt understand.

I was going to joke about it being God, but no conservative would ever refer to God as “she.”

I guess Abby left her buddy Duncan behind, because Rob has to grab his box before they leave. So, when is Abby going to get the Thou Shalt Not Leave Thine Buddy Talk?

The surprise is…. drumroll please…..

Is she a potter? I can’t tell…

This video isn’t the greatest quality. I think this woman is doing pottery. I predict this will lead to another song about how Jesus is the potter and we are the clay.

I’m sure it’s only the low quality of the upload that makes this woman look creepy as hell….

Anyway, this is Rob’s friend, who’s name I don’t catch. I’ll call her Mrs. D. And I’m correct, she makes stuff out of clay.

The kids are very impressed, and, honestly, I was too when I met a woman who made stuff out of clay, though her statues were much more impressive (that’s beside the point, art is hard work, ok?)

Rob points out a certain pot of Mrs. D’s that is cracked and crooked because the clay wasn’t soft enough. It was hard and stubborn.

Um, isn’t that the fault of the potter? I remember doing clay things in art class. We POUNDED that clay, and then we POUNDED it some more. If we couldn’t make it malleable enough to work with, it was our own damn fault, not the fault of the clay. Flawed analogy, Rob. But I now what they’re going for.

Rob puts his arm around Matt’s shoulders (seriously, hasn’t this kid been humiliated enough?) as he explains that sometimes we are hard and stubborn and God can’t work with us and bla bla… music stats. I was sooooo right about another song! I am brilliant, I tell ya.

This is interesting, Rob talks about how Jeremiah learned about God from a piece of clay. Jeremiah, from the bible.

Me:(sings:) JEREMIAH WAS A BULL FROG!

Kids: Jeremiah went down to the potter’s

Me: Sigh, I will just never be a Good Christian(tm). Oh well.

The kids sing about how the potter went “squish squish squish” with the clay. In my experience it was more like, “BANG BANG BANG” as we banged it really really hard against whatever hard object we could find. I’m sure if I’d had a hammer my teacher would have approved its use. Whatever.

As they sing, “the potter took the clay and squish squish squish,” Rob pats his hand over Matt’s chest. Jee, ya think Matt is supposed to learn a lesson or something?

Unlike before, Matt participates in all the hand motions of the song. He is reformed. Goddammit, he had such potential.

We then start with another song. This one I actually know. We sang it a lot at camp. I don’t think the Donut Repair Club wrote it, or at least, I hope they didn’t, otherwise they just spoiled it for me. I’m too lazy to grab screenshots, but we see a before picture of the pot on the wheel, then an after picture of a pretty vase.

I am reasonably sure this is the only song they didn’t write themselves.

Change my heart oh God make it ever true

A         Amaj7    Bm7 E             A
Change my heart oh God may I be like You

A         Amaj7    Bm7 E            Amaj7
Change my heart oh God make it ever true

A         Amaj7    Bm7 E             A   C#sus4  
Change my heart oh God may I be like You


C#          F#m     Bm7
You are the potter

  E      Amaj7    C#sus4
I am the clay

C#          F#m     B9
Mold me and make me 

               E
This is what I pray 

          Amaj7    Bm7 E            Amaj7
Change my heart oh God make it ever true

A         Amaj7    Bm7 E             A
Change my heart oh God may I be like you

Matt picks up the flawless piece of pottery. It’s clear what he is supposed to be thinking.

All the kids pass around the pot during the song. It’s like a sacred moment to them. Aaaand… probably done…. well. Ish. But it always comes back to Matt.

Change my heart Oh God. May I be like you.

Scene change. They’re all sitting around the fire in the lodge. Rob asks who wants the last marshmallow. Duncan announces he does, but he’s so covered in marshmallow that Rob announces he’s had enough.

Mmmmm Marshmallow donuts…. Mmmmmmmm

Pity the local donut shop (wait, do we HAVE a local donut shop?) doesn’t deliver.

Matt announces he’d like the last marshmallow, and since his liver is strong enough for more, Rob gives it to him. Whoops, these are marshmallows, not beers. Whoospie……

The video is so blurry I can’t see who’s mouths are moving, but I think it’s Abby who asks for a story. The other kids are all yeah Rob, you promised. Ha. Poor kids. I bet they’re expecting a nice spooky ghost story. Instead they’re going to get the story of How Jesus saved them from their sins and how God’s love is like a donut. Because we haven’t seen enough of that already.

And then, quite unexpectedly, for a change, a song begins. No, seriously, for the first time since I started watching these, I did not expect that. At least, I was expecting them to wait a few more sentences.

Rob pulls out a lion puppet and they all start singing about

Roar, roar, Roar I want S’more!

Roar, roar, roar

here comes Daniel and I’ll eat him for sure

So, still a bible story, then, who could’ve seen THAT coming?

Oh no, MUST HE? Sigh. It’s not enough to say God saved Daniel, Rob also goes on to sing about how the men who tried to kill Daniel were “served to the lion for breakfast instead.” and “that mean old lion ate him all up.” No seriously, those are the song lyrics.

Why oh WHY do adults think that that sort of thing is appropriate for children? Especially for them to sing about? Sigh.

After the song Rob talks about how we have buddies in heaven. They’re called angels. God sends them to help us. Gag me. Where’s my vodka?

I got a lotta pickle juice today. I’m going to use it to make dirty martinis so I can get through more recaps. Not of the donut repair club though. I’m done with this series.

Rob announces it’s time for the kids to go to sleep. They all scamper off to… it looks like the same room? I seriously hope the girls at least get separate rooms from the boys.

Rob sits by the fire for a while. Soon, Abby comes back in, still in her day clothes, not pajamas. Which is odd, even for a kid’s show but ok, whatever.

Rob: Oh hi Abby what’s up?

Abby: Mr. Donut Man, I’ve never been away from home by myself before.

Well, you’re not by yourself, Abby. You’ve got a bunch of other kids and an adult with you. Gosh, I remember the first time I was alone in my apartment for the very first time, living on my own… it was kinda scary, and I was 25. I know, I know, some kids get nervous at sleep away camp…. I was never one of them, so I guess I can’t empathize.

Rob reminds Abby shes’ not alone, she has friends and she has him. Abby is still scared. Rob invites her to sit on his lap.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It kinda makes sense since he’s comforting a scared child, but… I don’t know. I kinda can’t see this being allowed nowadays. I don’t know how to feel about it…. I feel he could have put an arm around her shoulder like he did with Matt?

Honestly, I don’t EVER remember sitting in a pastor’s lap like that. Maybe when I was like, a newborn baby the pastor would hold me, but that’s waaaaay different. Daddy was the only one who ever held me like that when I was Abby’s age. I don’t even remember my grandpa holding me like that, though we have pictures of it happening as a toddler. Pretty sure by that age it was either daddy or a female counselor. Speaking of which, this is a sleepaway camp, right? Shouldn’t there be at least one female chaperone? Or was that not at hing in the 80’s/90s? I still feel like the child to adult ratio is off. I feel like they need at least one more Chaperone…even back then I feel like it was something like one adult per 4 children or something like  that.

Back to the actual story, which is almost over and way dragged out…

Rob rocks Abby in the rocking chair.

Rob: Isn’t it good to have buddies?

Abby: uh huh

Rob: Can you tell me who your best buddy of aaaaaaaaal is?

Me: Callie and Jason!

Silly me, I bet The Right Answer(tm) Is Jesus.

Abby: You mean God?

Me: Sigh. I was close enough, right? Right.

Rob: That’s right. He’s the good shepherd and he always watches over people, especially his little ones. And he never ever sleeps.

Right. Then why are so many children going to bed hungry tonight? Why are so many children being raped tonight? If God especially cares and watches out for the children, why isn’t he protecting them?

Rob then starts singing Abby a lullerby….*

When I lay my head down

(Abby repeats)

To go to sleep

(Abby repeats)

I have no interest in typing out the rest of the lyrics but you get the idea. He sings her a lullaby and I bet she falls asleep in his arms. That’s my guess.

The song continues:

and my mommy tells me

(Abby repeats)

Not a peep

(Abby repeats)

Seriously? Do people’s moms tell them that? To go to sleep and then not bug them again the rest of the night? Wow! My parents always made it VERY clear to me that if I needed ANYTHING I was to come to them immediately. And they followed through. If I was cold, needed a glass of water, or had another night terror, my parents were there and they never shamed me for anything, even though I was way too old for that sort of thing (this stopped by about age 10, I think.) My dad even told me a story of how one night he spent the entire night too cold to sleep because he didn’t want to wake his parents for more blankets. Eventually he stole one of the blankets off their bed. He told me he never wanted me in that position. If I was cold at night, wake him the hell up so he could get me warm.

Even as an adult, if I need something and can’t figure out how to get it, I know that I need to wake my parents. Of course, now that I’m 20+ I know where the spare blankets are kept. The last time I woke my parents up in the middle of the night, I was in the hospital with appendicitis going “mom, dad, I’m scared, I need surgery and I really want a parent right now!”

So, even as an adult, my parents want me to wake them up in the middle of the night if there’s a problem. Of course at 25 the problem better be severe, but that’s beside the point.

Back to the movie, I’ve been wondering during the whole thing if the kids were doing this all themselves, or if they recorded it previously with a full kiddie choir. This song answers that question. After Abby’s solo thingy, there are waaaaaay too many small female voices for this to just be her. I wish, honestly, they hadn’t done that, because I think Abby can carry the song on her own.

I’m right, Abby falls asleep in his arms. And…. that’s the end of the episode. the end credits roll. I’m going to go to sleep myself, soon as I… watch the credits. I’m guessing these are the kids’ real names, seeing as how no one is credited with playing anything but themselves. Here’s a screenshot.

Rob Evans is apparently the name of the over sized My Buddy Doll (seriously, he even wears overalls like the doll, what grownup, even in 1980, wore overalls?)

Wait a second… Andy Evans, Mary Evans…. no, please don’t ask, I don’t know if there’s a relation. We can only guess.

And then there’s this little gem….

It isn’t clear who voiced the donut (unless I’m just dense) but interestingly enough, Dunkin’ Donuts, Inc has given permission for them to use the name Duncan for a Donut. Well, I do have to give the writers credit, then. They took care of any potential lawsuit and copyright issues. More power to them, I guess?

This episode was video taped on location at Mr. Lebanon Baptist Encampment in Cedar Hills, TX. So, it’s filmed at a real camp? That’s interesting.

It appears some songs were written by Rob Evans, but not all of them. “Change My Heart Oh God” is credit to Eddie Espinoza. Very interesting.

Apparently the producer is from Texas, which explains the Okra seeds in the last episode. See what interesting things you miss out on when you skip the credits kids?

aaaaaaaaand that’s all folks! Goodnight!

*Yes, I misspelled that on purpose.

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