In Which I Watch VeggieTales Where is God when I’m scared part 1.5

So, last time I didn’t finish because I was very sick and very tired and just had been kicked in the ass by life in general. So, let’s finish this movie, which I would’ve done earlier if wordpress hadn’t ate it for breakfast a week ago.

We last left as Bob the tomato and Larry the cucumber were about to explain to Junior why he doesn’t need to be scared of anything –because Jesus!

Anyway, Bob the tomato starts to sing Junior a little song. Here it is on youtube

You were lying in your bed,
You were feeling kind of sleepy,
But you couldn’t close your eyes because the room was getting creepy.
Were those eyeballs in the closet?
Was that Godzilla in the hall?
There was something big and hairy casting shadows on your wall.
Now your heart is beating like a drum,
Your skin is getting clammy,
There’s a hundred tiny monsters jumping right in to your jammies!

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Bob: What are you going to do?

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Junior: I’m going to call the police!

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Actually, if two men who I’d never met before ninja’d their way into my room and scared me half to death, yeah, you bet my reaction would be to call the police. Especially since Junior really does have live monsters in his room, as seen in the pictures. They will later be shown dancing to the song.

Bob: No. You don’t have to do anything!

Nope, no calling the police ya’all, just call Jesus! Well, for monsters I would say sure, go for it, but…
Junior: What? Why?
Bob: Because…
God is bigger than the boogie man.
He’s bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV.
Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man,
And he’s watching out for you and me.

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Bob the tomato: Get it?

Junior: I….Hmm… well… I…. umm… no.

This bit of dialogue is not part of the song on the official tape. I keep forgetting this part ever happened, since I’ve listened to the cassette over and over again but only seen this episode once or twice. Back in the 90s I couldn’t even look this up on youtube, oh the horror!

Bob: Oh. Well, you see, you don’t have to be afraid because God is the biggest.

I feel like believing this was never helpful. Sure God was bigger than the bullies at school, but he never did anything to stop them. And so what if he was bigger than my imaginary monsters? As far as I was concerned, God was like my imaginary friend –real, but not very helpful. I figured this out as an 11 year old child.

I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to try and help a child overcome imaginary fears with an imaginary being. It sounds like something I would try. “Hey kid, whenever you think you see/hear a monster, say the word “bananas” and a bunch of flying monkeys will come zap the monster.” Or, something.

Junior: Is God bigger than King Kong?

Bob: Next to God Junior, King Kong would look like an itty bitty bug.

Junior: Well is he bigger than the slime monster? Because he’s the biggest of them all!

Larry: compared to God, the slime monster is a cornflake

May I take a moment to point out that  a cornflake is not usually bigger than a bug? So if the slime monster is bigger than King Kong, shouldn’t he be something bigger than a bug?

Junior: Yeah but the slime monster can squirt slime out of his ears… Can God squirt slime out of his ears?

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Oh my god…. is this… is this really a thing? Is there some show out there that has a monster that can squirt slime our of his ears? Oh my god, that is so gross…. I sincerely hope this was just made up for this episode because… just…. seriously, what are you children watching on television nowadays?

I wish to take a moment to point out that the Christian God would be a helluva lot more interesting if he could squirt slime out of his ears, albeit not many people would want to worship such a being.

Bob takes Junior over to the window

Bob: What do you see?

Junior: My curtains

Go Junior!

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Junior: I see a lot of stars

Larry: God made all those stars out of nothing. He just said poof, and they were there.

So, the makers of Veggietales believe in a literal 7 day creation where God spoke everything into existence. I don’t think this particular bit of dialog could have room for any form of evolution in there. Interesting to note.

Junior is awe struck by all this and acts as if he’s never heard this before. It’s later established that his family are Christians.(In this movie, that appears to mean taking the book of Genesis literally, which not all Christians do). I seriously doubt Junior made it all the way to age 5 without knowing the creation story in Genesis. I don’t think I made it to age three, and I only pick that age because if they taught it to me before then, I don’t remember it.

I could see them reminding Junior of this, but I have a very hard time swallowing that he’s hearing it for the first time. This is actually a pretty common trope in Christian fiction: have God Christian Person tell protagonist something protagonist has never heard about before, despite it being an impossibility that they haven‘t heard it before. Example, we often see, in Christian fiction, a Christian telling an Atheist about Jesus. Said atheist has never heard of Jesus before. In today’s society, especially in the first world countries, I guarantdamntee you that this is impossible.

So, I kind of dislike this scene because it comes across more of Junior being told for the first time, rather than being reminded.

Bob finishes up with the long list of things God made with: and that’s why we don’t have to be afraid

Me: you mean, I don’t need to be afraid of those big tough looking men in the dark alley with the big sticks? Because God created me? Wow!

Junior: Huh?

I’m with Junior, actually. Because, whether or not you believe God created the world, bad things happen, even to Christians. There are just some things I should be scared of. Just not monsters, and probably not those big steel tubes that go zooming up into the air and somehow manage to land on the ground in one piece.

Bob: Everything God makes is special to him. He made you, so you are very special to him. God loves the kids so much that he takes extra good care of them

I’m glad I wasn’t drinking as I watched this. Squirting vodka out my nose is not an experience I want to repeat. Seriously? God takes extra good care of children? Excuse me while I go laugh and then cry, because really, it’s not all that funny at all. Thousands of children are abused every day, and here we have a tv show trying to tell me God takes extra good care of children?

Even at the hands of Christian parents, children suffer abominably. I better get back to the movie and stop ranting. See, this is why I need to write drunk and only edit when I’m sober, because when I write while I’m sober, I get angry and ranty and want to punch someone.

Finally Junior gets it. Which is good because it spares the audience having to have it spelled out for us in monosyllable.

Bob: Oh, by the way, there’s someone else who wants to meet you.

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Actually…. I like this. A lot. For a lot of children who get scared by what they see on television, it can be extremely helpful to meet the actors in person. I don’t know if this is true, but I heard once that the daughter of someone who worked on the set of Dr Who was really scared of the Daleks. So this person took the child onto the set of Dr Who to see the real Daleks. She said it really helped her to see them, touch them, and learn about how they were made, how they were just props and not real at all. And so, even though Frankencelery probably scared poor Junior at first, I can forgive him for coming in costume, because something like that would be really helpful.

Of course, not all parents have this option, in fact, most don’t. If they did, though, it’d probably be the most helpful thing they could do to help their kiddo overcome their fear.

Junior is less than thrilled. He screams and runs to hide in his toybox.

Junior: It’s frankencelery!

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As per the photo, Phil Winklestein explains that he is just an actor in a made up story. In real life, he would never hurt anybody.

This is actually the most helpful thing Bob and Larry have done all night. See, Junior didn’t need preaching, he just needed to learn about actors.

And then Junior starts singing:

..So when I’m lying in my bed,
And the furniture starts creeping,
I’ll just laugh and say “Hey! Cut that out!”
And get back to my sleeping.

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‘Cause I know that God’s the biggest, and He’s watching all the while,
So when I get scared, I’ll think of Him, close my eyes and

God is bigger than the boogie man.
He’s bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV.

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Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man,
And he’s watching out for you and me.

Monster #1: So are you frightened?
Junior: No not really!
Monster #2: Are you worried?

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Junior: Not a bit! I know whatever’s gonna happen, that God can handle it!
Frankencelery: I’m sorry that I scared you when you saw me on TV.
Junior: Well that’s ok, ’cause now I know that God is taking care of me!


God is bigger than the boogie man.
He’s bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV.
Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man,
And he’s watching out for you and me.
He’s watching out for you and me.
Watching, watching, watching!
Out for you and meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Just then Junior’s father knocks on the door and really, I think this is an example of parental fail because they have been so loud before, why is his father just now deciding to check up on him?
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We are then shown that Junior is all alone in his room. Bob, Larry, and Frankencelery have all disappeared. I hope the little monster balls have too.
Junior: I was just singing
Papa Asparagus: Well, your mother and I had a talk, and we think that show was a little too scary for you.
Junior: Well, maybe, but Frankencelery is really a guy named Phil from Toledo, and he’s not scary at all. And anyway, God is bigger than Frankencelery, and he will protect me from big scary monsters.
Frankly, if my kid showed that much maturity about the situation, I’d be totally ok with him watching the movie.
Papa Asparagus tells Junior he is right, but says we should still be a little more careful about what we watch on television. And you know what? It’s ok to tell us if you’re really scared.
I have never seen the movie Frankencelery is trying to be a copy of, but is it really all that terrible for a 5 year old? If your 5 year old didn’t seem scared by it because “It’s just acting,” would you let them watch it? I almost feel like Papa Asparagus should take into account the fact that Junior doesn’t seem to be affected by it, at least, anymore.
And I kinda like this part, because most parents probably are ok to tell if you’re really scared. Mine were pretty good about that too, actually, except when I began to be afraid of things like Police, Pastors, and Teachers.
Papa Asparagus: I’m glad you’ve been doing some good thinking, but it’s time to shut the thinker down and go to sleep.
Junior: Ok, night
Papa Asparagus: I love you little mister
Junior: I love you too big mister!
I like this. It sounds like a very realistic exchange between a man and his son, and shows us that, whatever their disagreements, Junior and his dad love each other. It’s a nice touchy feely moment, for those who like that sort of thing.
The show ends with Junior drifting off to sleep singing to himself God is bigger than the boogie man.
And now it’s time for…. SILLY SONGS WITH LARRY! The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song.
Today it’s…. the waterbuffalo song!
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This is another song that was on my cassette. It’s not one of my favorites, but I don’t dislike it either.  Here are the lyrics.

And now it’s time for Silly Songs with Larry
The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings
A silly song, so without further ado
Silly songs with Larry, the water buffalo song

Everybody’s got a water buffalo
Yours is fast but mine is slow
Oh, where we’d get them, I don’t know
But everybody’s got a water buffalo


I took my buffalo to the store
Got his head stuck in the door
Spilled some Lima beans on the floor
Oh, everybody’s got a

Official looking guy:
(Stop it, stop)

Stop right this instant
What do you think you’re doing?
You can’t say everybody’s got a water buffalo
When everybody does not have a water buffalo

We’re going to get nasty letters saying

“Where’s my water buffalo?
Why don’t I have a water buffalo?”

And are you prepared to deal with that?
I don’t think so, just stop being so silly

Official guy wanders off

This has been silly songs with Larry
Tune in next time to hear Larry sing
Everybody’s got a baby kangaroo
Yours is pink but mine is blue
Hers was small but then it

Official Guy is heard screaming in the background.
I don’t have much to say about this song, but this is the end of the Junior storyline. And next time I’m going to make double backups in case WordPress eats my posts.
I’m really bad at sticking to a schedule, it seems. I’ll try to post another Buttercream Gang post either Tuesday or Wensday. Real life has been kicking my butt lately, so posting is kind of hard. Have a good week everybody!

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