In Which I Watch Veggie Tales, Queen Esther

Content note: Discussion of rape and possible rape, childhood sexual grooming, and unwanted sexual contact. May trigger. I also discuss anti-semitism. I will one day learn to spell “anti-semitism.”

When I was 6, I moved away from the only home I’d ever known. When the church found out I was moving, they gave me two gifts, one of which I don’t remember and was probably a toy that eventually got broken and discarded, but the other was a cassette tape (yes, this was the ’90s) entitled, Veggie Tunes. My mother had never heard of Veggie Tales before, and so was completely shocked when the lyrics to the first song went like this:

Actually that’s the 2000 version, which might be a little different, but I digress:

If you like to talk to tomatoes

if a squash can make you smile

if you like to waltz with potatoes

up and down the produce aisle

Have we got a show for you!

Yes, the highlight of Christian entertainment in the 1990s was…. talking carrots.

BTW, I still have that tape. Midland SDA church you are not forgotten.

Actually, Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber are both fruits, rather than vegetables. Yes, cucumbers are a fruit. Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber are, or were, the main protagonists of veggie tales for a long time.

Netflix only has a few episodes, unfortunately, and none of them are from the 1990s. It’s possible the library will have some, we’ll see. In case anyone cares, I think the older ones were better. Some of the newer ones are just….dumb. Anyway, the scene opens with a narrator babbling about Greatness. The theme song is sadly not present.

Anyway, we are introduced to Haman. Haman knocks on the Queen’s door, informing her that the king would like her to make him a sandwich.

Sigh. I understand why they did this, but…. seriously, in the biblical version, the king wanted queen Whatshername to dance naked in front of him and his men. Which has rapey undertones, so yeah, I can see why they changed it, but you just know some asshole out there is going to think that the old queen rather deserved it for not wanting to make her hubby a sandwich, despite the fact that:

Queen: It’s 3 in the morning.

Haman: Well, he’s the king, and what he says goes

Queen: Well, I’m the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich (slams door in Haman’s face)

After all, it’s not like in the bible, where he asked her to break an actual commandment.

Before we start cheering her on too proudly, remember what’s going to happen to her.

Fortunately, this episode glosses over that fact as well, and instead of having her killed, the Queen (the bible says her name is Vashti, no I don’t know how to pronounce that)  merely gets kicked out on her hiney. What a nice king, I’m sure he’ll make Esther a great husband.

Again, the movie alters things. The king asks his minion, “don’t you think that might have been a little harsh?”

Minion: Oh no way! If she got away with that, no one would listen to you!

King: Hmm. what are we gonna do now?

Minion: It looks like we’re gonna have to find you a new queen

King: hmmm. Make me a sandwich!

Me: eyeroll

So, basically, the king is Haman’s puppet. It’s been a while since I read the book of Esther in the actual Bible, but I don’t remember that being the case. I think this is being done in the movie in order to make the King look a bit more sympathetic; he didn’t want to throw the old Queen out on her ass, he was just manipulated into doing so.

I, however, do not see this as much better. Esther will still have to put up with a horrible husband, only instead of being an outright cruel tyrant, said horrible husband will be a horrible puppet. And that’s almost worse, because you never know who’s controlling the strings. Today it was Haman, tomorrow it’s…. ?

Exactly.

Side note: Historians (and different bible versions) are divided as to whether or not the king was named Xerxes or Ahasuereous. The movie seems to be going with Xerxes, and so will I, because Xerxes is easier to spell. (Plus, when I was a kid, I used to call him “King Jerk-sees” instead of Xerxes, because even then I knew he was an asshole.)

Narrator: This is the story of a great person. It’s hard to say whether or not our hero was born that way, or was just placed in the right place at the right time, and decided to do the right thing.

Um…. don’t Christians believe that everybody is placed at the right place at the right time to do the right thing? At least, that is the way I grew up. I was also taught that Esther was born exactly for this purpose, because we all have a purpose given to us by God. Also, we were taught that Esther was raised with good moral values, and that that is what made her a great person. Great people aren’t born that way, they’re nurtured into it.

Isn’t there a Jewish holiday based on this story? If there are any Jewish folks reading, I’d love to know your take on the subject.

Anyway, someone calls, “hey Essie!”

Essie? OH GOOD LORD! If Esther is constantly referred to as “Essie,” I might actually need alcohol to watch this. That sounds like something I would name a COW, not a person. And anyway, depending on who was talking to her, wouldn’t they refer to her Hebrew name, Hadassah? Then again, I shudder to think of what cutesy little nickname the writers would make with THAT.

Pea: So, you saw your friend steal an apple

Esther: Yeah

Pea: And now you don’t know what you should do?

Esther: Yeah

Pea: What do you think you should do?

what vegetable is she even supposed to be? She just looks like a little green alien with no hands.

Me: I think I should talk to my friend and convince her to go pay for it. If that absolutely won’t work, I will do nothing, because it’s none of my business. I mean, it’s just a fuckin’ apple, maybe she’s hungry. 

Esther figures this out on her own. The pea says it sounds like a good idea and bounces away. Esther then refers to him as “cousin Mordecai.”  Hang on, wasn’t Mordecai her uncle? And didn’t he actually raise her after her parents died? *looks up in bible* Ok, so Esther is actually his uncle’s daughter. So I guess cousin is the right word. The movie says they have known each other for forever. The bible says that when Esther’s parents died, Mordecai took her and raised her as his daughter. So I have no idea why the movie is saying “they’ve known each other forever” instead of “I raised you since you were an 8 year old.”

Esther is afraid to go to her friend about this, which doesn’t make it seem like they are very good friends. I always felt free to go to my friends about anything. One time my friend stole me books from a used bookstore… actually, nevermind, let’s not tell that story.

He continues to call her Essie. I continue to cringe.

Mordecai: There are bigger problems out there than stolen apples –like that one!

He says this as a vehicle roars up.

Turns out it is Haman, who apparently really hates Mordecai. Mordecai runs away… hang on, that’s not how the bible story went…

Haman addresses the crowd 

He tells all the eligible young ladies to please come with him, then opens up the back of his truck.

Esther tries to run away, but Haman insists that all this is optional. That’s not how the bible story went either. In the story, Esther goes willingly. Actually, on re reading, my bible has a footnote that suggests that this not be the case, so I guess we have no idea if it was voluntary or not.

I don’t like that they changed it to be this way, and we’ll get to why a little bit later.

Anyway, Mordecai comes out of hiding, and there’s an argument with him and Haman that’s probably supposed to be funny but just seems stupid. For the sake of time and space I won’t get into it.

Haman demands Mordecai bow to him. Mordecai refuses, saying, “I bow only to my God and to my King.”

Yup, this is how the bible story went. There’s no running away and hiding nonsense from Mordecai, but rather, he sticks around and calmly explains his beliefs and his refusal to bow. The biblical Mordecai was brave, not a coward.

On a random note, what vegetable (or fruit) is Esther supposed to be exactly? Mordecai is a pea, the King looks like the giant pickle (said pickle pops up in numerous episodes, often as the villain),  she’s not an asparagus because Junior is an asparagus and she looks nothing like him…none of the other usual characters have popped up, soooo Esther is…. celery? A leak? They should’ve made her a broccoli.

It’s now the night, and Mordecai has snuck into the palace and is talking to Esther

Mordecai tells Esther that she mustn’t let anyone know that she is part of Mordecai’s family. In the bible this is specifically stated as “do not let on that you are a Jew, for Haman hates Jews.” So, Haman is basically the fore runner of Hitler. Or maybe Hitler is a reincarnation of Haman?

In any case, Esther whines about not wanting to be here. This does the real Esther a disservice. The real Esther, I’m sure, was not this whiny.

Mordecai babbles about us not knowing the future, but God does.

And, for those of us who are familiar with Veggietales who are wondering where all the songs are, it’s time for Esther to sing a song. It’s a short one about how she doesn’t know what to do. It literally lasted all of the less than 60 seconds it took for me to write this paragraph.

We then open up to a scene where a woman (I can’t tell what vegetable she is either) is singing about… puppies and how great they are. My kind of song, actually, I love puppies. Though I disagree that they are never nasty or mean, because I have met some nasty and mean puppies. 

Archibald the leak comes on and says that was contestant number 37. So apparently this is some kind of talent show. Her singing was supposed to be as awful as it came across, I literally took out my headphones for a few seconds till the subtitles told me it was over.

Up next is, Miss Babylon, all the way from Babylon! Wait, was Esther really from Babylon? Mayhap I will have to dig out my bible and do some fact checking.

Esther sings a song about God protecting us with his love. Which is probably why the movie had Mordecai not telling Esther to hide her religion, because then they couldn’t have her sing this song. Because singing this song would totally blow her  cover.

The King and Haman really love Esther, and just like that, she becomes the new Queen.

Now, we are going to talk history for a moment. It was never stated outright in Bible class, but when we watched an Esther movie, the teacher had  to turn it off at one point. You see, in the bible, the king conducted…. “Interviews” with these women. And in bible class it wasn’t stated outright, but heavily implied, that these “Interviews” consisted of…. well, not songs, if ya’all catch my drift.

And that is why I hate that Esther is forced to be here, because in reality, this interview would possibly have consisted of sexual intercourse. Since Esther didn’t consent to be there… and that’s disturbing. Just from reading the biblical account, I didn’t get the impression that attendance was mandatory. And that makes it a lot less…. disturbing.

So anyway, in Veggie Land, all Esther had to do was sing a song, a song about God, in front of people who don’t hate Jews, but only a specific Jew, Mordecai.

Which makes me wonder how they’re going to handle Haman later wanting to slaughter all the Jews, but nevermind.

Another tangent; back in the 1990s, I don’t remember any of the veggies having actual hair. I guess they brought in new designers at some point, because vegetables now are skinnier and they have hair. The animation also looks a little different but I’m going to chalk that one up to the switch from hand drawn cartoons to digital.

Esther looks very dismayed that she is now to be married to the king. Fortunately in Veggie land, that does not also mean she will be expected to have sex with him, which is the main reason, among other things, that I disapprove of forced marriages in real life.

Mordecai pays Esther a visit, and totally brushes aside her concerns about “Nobody ever even asked me to be queen.” by saying, “You always had a mind of your own. I liked that about you.” Chuckles and runs off.

Women are so funny when they have minds of their own, amiright boys?

Esther: Mordecai, wait! What’s the king like?

Mordecai: He’s real sharp, you’re gonna love him!

Really? Because so far all we’ve seen is a very stupid individual who lets other people push him around and chooses a wife based on how well she can sing. Even as a child I’d have been like, ?

Well *I* wouldn’t.

Jee Xerxes, you’d think you would have figured that out before you married her? You know, taken her for a walk around the palace garden, talked with her, gotten to know her a bit… before you married her? Yanno, maybe instead of forcing her, you should romance her. People seem to like that for some reason.

Haman: Of course she’ll like you! You’re the king! Everybody likes you, under penalty of death!

Hmm. I don’t remember it ever being a requirement to like the king, just to obey him. Huh.

Larry the Cucumber is a scribe next to Xerxes, writing down…. I don’t know.

Xerxes: But what if I weren’t the king? What if I were some guy who cleans up after camels?

They had those back in biblical times? Or is this just the writers embellishing a little? Inquiring minds want to know!

Oh shit! I missed it! Hold on let me back up…

This is biblical. Well, not the piano, but Some of the servants were plotting to take the king’s life. Here in Veggietales, this is in the form of being shown some little peas about to drop a large piano on the king’s head. Seriously, how did they get it up there in the first place without someone noticing that, oh hey, THERE’S A REALLY LARGE PIANO OVER THE KING’S THRONE?

Anyway, as this is happening, Haman is saying, “anyone would be happy to make you a sandwich.” Clearly these servant guys are planning to do just that; a king Xerxes the Pickle sandwich.

Just then, the pea guy enters, and introduces himself as “Bigfan, your royal chef.”

King Xerxes: I don’t recall asking for you

Bigfan: Every newly wed couple needs a cake, no?

Now see, if I was going to kill the king, I think it would just be easier to poison the cake.

The king is delighted with the cake, and asks to be brought a piece. The servant stammers an excuse for the king to come to him.

No, seriously, it’d be easier to just poison the cake.

Haman: Didn’t you warn him about what can happen to someone who appears before the king uninvited?

Esther: Stop, it’s a trap!

Siiiiiiiiigh. In the biblical account, it was MORDECAI who uncovered the plot and saved the king’s life. Here it is Esther. I guess this is done to try and establish a relationship between Esther and Xerxes?

As she yells this, the piano falls on the cake and the king dives for cover.

Xerxes: Why is there a piano on my cake?

Our King, folks. As Mordecai says, he’s very, very sharp….

Larry the Cucumber is scribbling down furiously, stopping to wipe his brow.

As to how the vegetables do things without hands, um, well, things just kind of levitate, ok?

The peas try to escape, but Mordecai blocks their path.

King Xerxes (To Esther): You saved my life!

Esther: Actually your highness, it was Mordecai

And the punishment for the two who tried to kill the king? Banishment to the island of perpetual tickling!

I know this is supposed to be watered down for kids but seriously? In the 1990s, we watched the evil guys get thrown into the lions’ den. We didn’t watch them get eaten, but we knew that’s what happened to them. Why couldn’t the criminals just get escorted to the gallows? Or heck, thrown into the dungeons?

Actually, I’m going to say this: when I was a child, I mean, ever since I was a child, I have HATED being tickled. It didn’t make me smile, it made me scream and kick things. There might have been a brief time before the age of 7 when this wasn’t so, but it’s been like this ever since I was 7 or 8. So, watching someone being punished to an island where they would be tickled forever would, honestly, be more horrifying to me than knowing they were being executed. And I can’t be the only child who feels this way, especially because a lot of sexual abusers use tickling to groom their victims.

Besides, in bible class, this was not sugar coated. We knew those servants who plotted to kill Xerxes were executed. Now, I’m not saying that children need to know exact details of how execution would happen (even though we did, in school) but I’m saying that, even in movies such as this, the truth shouldn’t be sugar coated. Or at the very least they should be shown to be thrown into prison. And this would make sense, since kids then don’t have to know the servants would be executed. In fact, not all states have the death penalty. My state in particular being one of them. So not all children would associate attempted murder with the death penalty.

Actually, even as an adult, this tickle island thing is…. honestly, it’s going to give me nightmares. Seriously. I mean, I can’t even watch this scene. Be right back, need more booze.

Back, ok, I just watched this scene with the sound turned off, and it helped a little. The subtitles tell me what’s going on, anyway. apparently there are two things you don’t do in Persia:

1. Try to drop a piano on the king’s head

(What, trying to kill him any other way is just fine?)

2. Appear before him uninvited.

#2 is setting the stage for what happens later.

In this story, Haman comes up with plan because of Mordecai. It’s been a while since I’ve read the biblical account, but again, this one might also be true.

To do this, Haman sings a little song.

By the way, this song is so much worse than the Veggietales songs of the past. Let me see if I can find a clip on youtube. Ah, here we go:

I hope that worked. I’m not 100% positive on how to imbed videos. If It is somehow wrong, I apologize, and here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKdWWHL6BnI

Haman talks about “this family who can’t be trusted” who  “sneak their sneaky little noses” into the king’s matters. Is this a reference to the stereotype of Jews having big noses?

He wants to send this family to the island of tickling. Can I just say I HATE this idea? It would have scared me more as a child than a bloody violent death, which, I might add, is not the only alternative to an island of tickling.

The king signs a new law against…. one family apparently? It honestly makes more sense for him to sign a law against Jews in general than just one family.

Next scene, Mordecai sees a wanted poster of himself:

Mordecai snatches the poster and runs to see “Essie.”  I cringe once again.

Esther: What are you gonna do?

Mordecai: Me? Nothing! I’m just a guard. But you, you’re the queen!

Esther asks Mordecai if he knows what happens to people who appear before the king uninvited. Mordecai looks like this:

 

Esther: I wasn’t even brave enough to go to my friend about the apple! And even if he doesn’t banish me

 

I wish to point out that the penalty was death, not banishment. Seriously, children are capable of handling knowing that without nightmares. Ask me how I know that. Seriously, every Christian child –and that is the target audience of this movie– knows the story of Esther, and that she didn’t face banishment, but loss of life. So long as no grisly details are involved, children are capable of a lot more than this movie is giving them credit for. Especially because, spoiler alert, Esther gets to live.

Esther: (Continuing) Why would he listen to me? Haman is his right hand man.

Mordecai: You wanted to know why you were here, why you became queen. Perhaps you were put in this position for just such a time as this.

Mordecai: Esther, you never have to be afraid to do what’s right

Er, yes, Mordecai, you do.

Mordecai offers to pray for her, and that in fact, everyone will pray for her. No, he doesn’t specify who “everyone” is but it’s probably not hard to guess.

After he leaves, Esther sings a little song. It’s a very short one, basically a prayer to God that she doesn’t understand, and that she wants God to show her what she ought to do. Esther is shown praying all night, then in the morning putting on her crown and singing the song she sang earlier in her interview for the king, “the battle is not ours, but God’s.”

Narrator: one of them wise guys said that Great People(tm), when the moment comes, don’t have to think or say about what they will do, they just speak up and say or do what’s right.

Ha! I now half way want to find one of these great people ask if that is true. Chances are the answer is no, that they had to think about it very much so as to do it in such a way that would not get them killed. They also probably weighed cost vs affect. Ultimately they probably decided doing the right thing was the best, but I don’t believe for one minute they didn’t at least take a few moments to weigh the risk.

Esther knew to do what was right, so she figured she didn’t have to be nervous.

Sigh. Even the biblical account gives us a tad more insight than that. The bible doesn’t outright say, “Esther was scared,” but it does say that she and her maid servants fasted and prayed for at least 3 days before she did anything. That to me suggests…. maybe not fear, exactly, but caution and, yes, nervousness. Of course Esther was nervous. Wouldn’t you be if you were literally risking your life? Even if God was on your side and you knew it, that would still be scary as fuck. Esther was one brave woman, and this movie is just… downplaying that.

For you see, courage is not the absence of fear. Bravery, rather, is doing what you must in spite of that fear. And that is what Esther did. Acting like the fear was just not present is…. is seriously downplaying that bravery and courage.

In any case, Esther goes before the King.

No, I don’t know what’s up with the boat the subtitles are talking about. Nor do I care.

Haman: Who invited the queen? Did you invite the queen?

Xerxes: No, I don’t think I did….. but that’s ok

He smiles wide. In the bible, he invited her to touch his scepter. I’m not sure that will happen here.

Larry the Cucumber: Phew (scribbles on a scroll)

Xerxes: Come on over here queenie poo

Me: (shudders at cutesy nickname) I guess it’s not like Esther can protest it, seeing as how the king just decided to spare her life.

We are now over halfway through the movie, so I’m guessing it’s going to skip Esther’s whole multiple banquet rigamarole the bible describes. I predict we’ll go through one banquet, if that.

Clearly, the king at least likes Esther very much. We’re probably supposed to get that he loves her, but…. ehhh he’s still a dull puppet.

King Xerxes: I don’t know if anybody told you, but showing up uninvited around here is usually discouraged

Haman: punished by death or banishment

Xerxes: (smiling) so whatever you want, Esther honey, it’s yours.

Esther: I want you to stop calling me “queenie poo.”

JUST KIDDING!

Esther kind of loses her nerve. It’s clear in this movie she wanted to ask the king for the real thing (letting her family live) but instead she invites the king over for dinner at 8. Haman is also invited.

The narrator pops in and tells us that Esther is looking for just the right moment to tell the king “his right hand man is a weasel.”

We actually went over this in bible class, why Esther didn’t tell the king right away, and instead invited him to multiple banquets. I think the general consensus was something like… Esther wanted to create a mystery. Humans, when faced with a mystery, have a desire to solve it. If Esther had told the king right away what was going on, he might or might not have cared. By creating a mystery, Esther created, in essence, a problem for the king to solve. To think about constantly, so that when he finally figured out what was going on, he would care about it more than if Esther had just brought it up right away.

A clever woman, our Biblical Esther/Hadassah.

At the dinner, Haman and Xerxes are playing trivia games. I’m not familiar with the answers to the questions, so we won’t be going over them. They’re not relevant to the plot, anyway.

Esther: Your highness, the real reason I asked you to come tonight was to….uh… ask you to come to dinner another night

The movie makes it sound like this was a last minute decision, like it was Esther backing out. Like it was cowardice.

Anyway, the king and Haman agree that they had an excellent time and would love to come again some other night.

Esther looks disappointed in herself.

The way the movie portrays this makes me really really ANGRY. The real Esther was clever, not this semi coward portrayed in this awful movie.

Mordecai visits, and Haman teases him a bit about how he’ll soon be in “chuckle city.”  Really? Most people I know, even people not bothered by tickling in general, start screaming when it becomes too much. Tickling, after a while, is torture, ok? Even small children know this.

It’s night at the palace. The king can’t sleep, so he orders his scribe to read him the royal records in an attempt to bore him to sleep. No, that is not explained in the movie, but that is the biblical account. All we see here is Larry the Cucumber reading to the king as the king lies in bed.

King: I really like it when you read me these records. I guess you could say it’s the story of me

How egotistical of him.

Also, aren’t the king and queen supposed to be sleeping in the same bed? Or at least the same room? Or is this an I love Lucy type deal where Lucy and Ricky sleep in not only separate beds, but separate rooms?

Also, I believe bionically this happened before his marriage to Esther, though I can’t quite remember.

Anyway, in reading the records, Larry the Cucumber Scribe reads about the plot to kill the king.

The king realizes Mordecai was never rewarded.

I don’t like this juxtaposition, because it suggests that THIS is what saves Mordecai’s family rather than Esther.

Just then, Haman comes in. Talk about appearing before the king uninvited, jeez. Anyway, Xerxes asks Haman what should be done to reward a man. Mordecai suggests a parade through the streets, because of course he thinks this is going to happen for him. Xerxes tells him to arrange just that very thing for Mordecai, enraging Haman.

By the way, in case you can’t tell, Haman is meant to be a gourd, or squash, that’s what vegetable he is. Apparently Mordecai is a grape, even though I thought he was a pea. My bad. In any case.

If I recall correctly, it is THIS incident, rather than any other, that leads Haman to want to kill Mordecai. So having this all happen out of order is really disorienting and confusing for me, and probably for any other person who has read the biblical account of Esther.

Actually, after having read the bible, it’s not out of order. So basically, Haman wants Jews killed because Mordecai. King Xerxes rewards Mordecai for saving his life. King somehow misses putting 2 and 2 together and realizing that Mordecai is a Jew and therefore about to be slaughtered? Even in real life, this king was about as sharp as a bag of hammers!

How did I totally miss that back when I was a Christian? Oh jeez!

 

Next scene shows us Esther and the King having a rare moment alone. they are wondering where Haman is.

Wait, we don’t get to watch an angry Haman parade Mordecai through the streets? But… but…. but I wanted to watch that.

ANYWAY, Esther finally tells the King what is worrying her. “Someone is plotting to banish my family!”

Xerxes: Banish my queen? Who would DARE?

Esther: It’s Haman

Xerxes: Can you prove this charge?

It’s a good thing, actually, to ask for proof.

Esther shows the King the poster about how Haman is a wanted man. Xerxes is all, wait a minute, Mordecai? But I just gave him a parade, he saved my life!

Esther: Mordecai is my cousin. His family is my family

And you know that both the king and Haman are thinking, “oh shit.”This being a kids’ Christian movie however, the word “shit” is off limits, so they just say, “oooooohhhh”

Anyway, the king gets angry, even though he didn’t when Haman banished the Vashti. He gets really upset at Haman and banishes him to the island.

Seriously, as children, we had no problem knowing that he was to be hanged on the very gallows he had prepared for Mordecai. Children are capable of taking in a lot more than these adults give them credit for and again, as a child, Death would’ve been preferable to tickling, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Haman is tickled out the door, and I had to watch this with the sound off, so no, there won’t be a screenshot.

Narrator: and so Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai got Haman’s old job, the second in command in the whole kingdom.

When I opened the bible, it surprised me to learn that that was indeed the case. Well, I learn something new every day, don’t I?

Esther wasn’t born for greatness, she didn’t go to school for it, she just learned that sometimes God has a plan….

Hang on, don’t Christians believe that people are born for specific purposes, and that Esther was born for this very purpose? Sure she didn’t go to school for it, that does not mean she wasn’t born for it. Stupid narrator.

Narrator: Yup, she was just a regular kid, just like you.

I highly doubt I qualify as a kid, since I’ve reached the ripe old age of 25, but whatever. I am not the target audience. It’s probably a good message that ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

 

The End

 

 

Altogether this episode wasn’t… terrible…. it wasn’t good, either, at least, compared to some other episodes of VeggieTales, but…

Are talking vegetables really better than a talking donut? Well, I think they are, but that could be because VeggieTales is a lot more mainstream, and has even had a movie come out in theatres.

I still think this particular episode could’ve been better handled. I’ve already talked about how children are capable of not being frightened by things this movie likes to dance around. Other than that, I thought it stuck fairly close to the biblical account, and managed to leave out at least a good portion of the sexism. Yeah, I know, but seriously, go read the bible story itself if you don’t believe me. It’s actually not a very long story, and you could totally plow through it in a day or so if you have time.

This isn’t one of the episodes I was subjected to as a kid, but I was still able to get through it without gallons and gallons of booze. I have to admit I did start taking a drink every time she got called “Essie,” and whenever tickling came up.

In my opinion, the tickling thing made this movie incredibly stupid.

All in all, Veggietales weren’t the worst thing I was subjected to in childhood, and this isn’t even the worst episode I’ve seen. Whether or not it’s still bad, I’ll let you be the judge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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