The Buttercream Gang Part 3

 

So. We last left off as Pete was sent home from Chicago. Unfortunately, we are about to return to Scott. I say unfortunately, because Pete is literally the most interesting character of this whole Shebang.

“Scotty” is practicing baseball with this friends. The coach wears a priests’ collar. At least, I think it’s a priests’ collar?

This movie was made my a Mormon company. Do mormon’s have priests? Nothing in this movie that I can see is outside of mainstream christianity. If it weren’t for google, I wouldn’t even know the company who made it was Mormon.

I know nothing about Mainstream Mormonism, so please don’t think I’m saying that Mormonism in general is outside mainstream Christianity because for all I know, it isn’t. I do have a friend who is ex Mormon (NOT ex Mormon fundamentalist, but mainstream Mormon) and their information is all I have to go by.

It won’t become obvious till the church scene (and oh boy are we gonna have some fun times laughing at that!) But the coach doubles as a priest.

Do priests normally coach little league games? I had no idea this was a thing.

Ahem. Anwyay.

Scotty, after some coaching, gets a good hit. I don’t know anything about baseball, so I can’t comment much on this, except that it’s boring.

Elton is up next. I only know this because the coach says the name Elton. (like I said, they all look alike to me.)

Elton strikes out very badly. Even I can tell that. Scotty says, very condescendingly, “come on Elton, you don’t have to swing at everything.”

Yanno, when I had to play baseball in PE class, I never could understand that. Other kids didn’t get yelled at for not swinging at everything, and yet when -I- chose not to swing the bat, I was yelled at that “you can’t just not swing the bat Abby.” No one ever told me why I couldn’t swing the bat, when it was appropriate not to…. all I know is: hit ball with bat. Run to bases. Hope no one throws ball at your head.

Just saying, I don’t have a CLUE what’s going on here. I just think Scott’s being a prick.

Elton finally gets a decent swing, but can’t run to the base… I sympathize. I was never a fast runner, either.

Why are we being shown this? I don’t care. This isn’t relevant to the plot. Where’s Pete? He’s the only interesting character in this whole movie.

To be sorta fair, no one mocks Elton for his crappy baseball playing. Actually, I’m surprised they let him on the team. Didn’t this team have any tryouts? It’s clear Elton isn’t good. But then I realized that hey, Elton may be crap, but at least they let him play. And really, the only thing that matters is having fun. In that spirit, I approve.

Even though I have to raise an eyebrow at how realistic it is.

The kids talk about Pete and how he loves to sing commercial tunes. Oooooookay. That’s…. well, maybe the writers are trying to give their characters some quirks in order to make him seem more realistic. Or something. It doesn’t work here, but I can’t think why.

The kids start singing “you’ve got the right one baby, uh huh, uh huh!”

Being a good 2 or 3 decades removed from 1992, and one decade removed when I first saw this movie (well, 7 years is close enough to a decade, right?) I don’t get the reference.

After googling, I found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHBi9LvrvZE

and

This commercial was shot in 1995. This movie was shot in 1992. So I’m not sure the connection was 100% but it’s the best I can come up with.

Ironically, I am actually drinking Diet Pepsi right now…. with VODKA in it! Uh huh! Uh huh!

Ahem.

Oh look, something interesting! A girl is calling for the Buttercreamers. Apparently the Widow Jenkins has fallen down again. The girl has tried to get into her house, but it is all locked up.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

  1. The Widow Jenkins fell down again. So, this woman has a history of falling down. Why the hell does she live alone in a house out in the middle of Nowhere, that looks like it takes the Buttercreamers at least a mile to get to?
  2. If she has such a history of falling, why would she keep her house “all locked up?” This just doesn’t ring true for me. Look, I’ve lived out in the country before. People don’t lock their doors there. Grandma always did, because she had a history of being broken into, but she was one of the only ones who did. Most people just kept their doors unlocked. Heck, my parents live in a dinky little hick town, and they only lock their door if they are on vacation. Most people in the town don’t lock it even then, because they want people to look after their plants. Some people don’t even know where their house keys are. My parents told me they were going to leave the key with the sheriff (my dad’s friends with him) and I was to retrieve it there. Nobody even asked for an ID, and I haven’t lived there for years. They just trusted I was who I said I was. (yourdad’sname has a daughter? Really? huh. Well, if you say so, here are the keys, I guess.) So, the fact that the widow Jenkins even locks her doors and windows just…. doesn’t ring true with me. Especially if she has a history of falling, she would want someone to be able to get into the house.
  3. Why doesn’t this girl just go to the police? I realize that not all places got 911 at the same time, BUT, there were still emergency services, you just had to look up the number. Most people had a form on their fridge doors where they filled out those numbers. Why doesn’t this girl just find the emergency number and call… I don’t know…. the AMBULANCE? Because frankly, those boys could do a lot of damage if they don’t know what they’re doing. This woman needs someone to hold c-spine till they get her on a backboard, and then she needs a trip to the hospital to make sure she has no broken bones. She does not merely need to be helped to her feet. She also needs someone to look at why she falls down so much, and maybe recommend…. well, I’m not sure if they had life alert back then, but at the very least she needs to be in a nursing home. If she falls so much, she is clearly not capable of living on her own.

Actually, the above paragraph needs to be stated with the disclaimer that, while I did ATTEND EMT school, I never graduated. So if a medical professional wants to shoot me down, I welcome it.

Coach/Reverend is Not Happy about them ditching baseball practice and wants to know where they’re going.

Buttercream Boy (Sorry, they still all look alike to me): Sorry coach, we’ve got something more important to do!

Coach: What could be more important than baseball.

There’s no ? At the end of that sentence, because coach doesn’t say it in that tone of voice. He says it like there is no answer.

Really coach? Really? You’re clearly a man of the collar. You should know that almost everything in life is more important than baseball. Such as:

  1. Family. Perhaps one or more of the boys is having a family emergency and the others are going along as emotional support.
  2. Friends. Same reasoning as above.
  3. Religious life. Maybe they are really feeling a need to pray…. ok this is really stretching it. Still, for most people, religion is more important than baseball.
  4. School. Maybe their parents are seriously not happy that the boys’ grades have been slipping and are making them skip out on baseball practice to make up for it. There’s a reason why most little league programs won’t let you participate if your grades are below a certain point.

There are many many things in life more important than baseball. Juuuuuust sayin’.

Also, somebody in that town should have a cell phone. Cell phones existed back in 1992, they just weren’t as popular. And they got terrible reception… On second thought, they are in the middle of nowhere, so it stands to reason that no one would have cell phone reception, even the grown ups. Never mind. Just want to point out that they exist, and some narrative justification for not using them should have existed. They could’ve had someone ask if they shouldn’t just use Person X’s cell phone to call an ambulance, and another ButterBoy could say, “what, with the crappy reception he gets? We’d be better off being the ambulance ourselves!” Though even then they still could’ve used a landline.

Sometime I should tell you about my dad’s old carphone that got stolen in the early 1990s….

This footage of the boys biking is seriously boring. A lot of this footage could’ve been cut with noooooo loss whatsoever. Seriously, it lasts for like, at least a minute or two.

One of the boys (Elton?) reports, after peeking in the windows, that The Widow Jenkins fell down in the dining room, and that her feet are moving, though beyond that he answers “I don’t know” when asked, “is she ok?”

Now, that’s a fair answer to the question: “I don’t know” is an acceptable answer. However, it means you need to get her real help stupid. Not, “a rope.”

Yes, a rope. No, I don’t meant that they’re going to use the rope to hang the widow Jenkins to put herself out of her miserery.

Tune in on Wed to see just what dangerous shenanigans the boys (the specifically don’t let the girls participate even when it would make more sense) get up to INSTEAD OF calling the ambulance.

Good night!

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