In Which I Have A Merry Little Christmas

This year was my first Christmas without Grandpa (and Grandma Alma.) It was…. strange. And not in a good way.

I still had a good time. I got to see and spend time with my 9 year old cousin Kayleigh. It turns out she is a lot like me; a voracious bookworm and an introvert. Almost all Todd women are huge readers, so it came as a surprise to me that her younger sister, Zanny, doesn’t like to read. In our family, that’s an anomaly. Oh well.

The kids were allowed to play with the toys. There was an American Girl Doll (Saige), so guess what one of us ended up playing with. Despite the fact that I have had all year to buy Saige, I suddenly wanted her after seeing the doll. Of course she’s sold out by now, go figure. It’s probably a good thing. I do NOT need another doll. In fact, I’ve kind of resolved not to buy another new one for a whole year…

Aunt Becky cooked for me, as usual, and as usual it was amazing. I ate too much. So did Kayleigh, and afterward we went somewhere private and passed out in a food coma. My presents involved a dolphin figurine and some candy. Grandma also gave me the one doll she saved from childhood, a Toni doll. I wanted to post pictures, but photobucket’s not cooperating. Oh well. In the future I’ll devote a whole post to Toni dolls.

Kayleigh got a La La Loopsy doll, and afterward it was the one we snuck off to play with.

On our way home, we sort of got into an accident, but we didn’t hit anything. We just got out of control and did a 180, stopping just short of hitting the exit sign. The weather hadn’t even been that bad, it just wasn’t the type of weather you did the speed limit in. After that grandma went a lot slower, and I was relived.

I wish I got to see these people more often than once a year.

My birthday is coming up. I will be 25 this year. I just got my new driver’s license. Not that I have a car with which to use it, but, details.

Over the break I worked on knitting a doll cardigan. I wasn’t able to finish it because I had neither circular nor double pointed needles. Now that I’m home I hope to be able to finish it, but tomorrow I have to work. I hope I get enough work hours for next semester. I had a bad dream last night that I only got 4 hours a week. It felt so real that when I woke up, I didn’t know where I was.

All in all, I had a good Christmas with my family. I have to admit, it was a lot more peaceful without grandma Alma around, though I wish grandpa had been there. Alma, though still alive, has gone to live with her family in Georgia. It will be interesting to see someone who has been a part of my life all of my life, for better or for worse, leave.


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The Christmas Post (2013)

This year, as I was listening to Christmas radio on Pandora, trying in vain to get it to play Christmas music I actually LIKE (I’m picky about music, and I’m especially picky about Christmas music.) I came across this song. If you have time, I recommend you give it a listen.

It’s called “Grown up Christmas list.” I’ve actually been wanting to write something similar, but I write stories, not songs. This one is good but… it didn’t quite hit home as much as I was expecting.

Here, in case no one cares to go to youtube, are the lyrics


Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
with childhood fantasies

Well I’m all grown up now
and still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts

And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believe
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a heart ached human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts

And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion
Called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief
Can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
(No more torn apart)
That wars would never start
(Never start)
And time would heal all hearts
(Oh, hearts)

Everyone would have a friend
(One would have a friend)
And right would always win
(Would always win)
And love would never end
(Never, never end, no)

This is my grown up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown up Christmas list


I never sat down this year and wrote out a Christmas list, because no one ever asked for it. I figured, no one cared anyway. Besides, none of them could give me what I REALLY want. Oh, sure, they might be able to get me SOME things on *A* list, like this:

Grown up Christmas list:

1. American Girl dolls and clothes and accessories (OG stuff at target is cheaper, for those on a budget

2. Grown up juice (vodka, rum, whiskey)

3. Books, anything but romance novels

4. Sock Yarn

5. Any yarn that’s less than 20% acrylic


But, that’s not what I REALLY want for Christmas/Birthday. And if I could, here is what I would put in my rewrite of the “Grown Up Christmas List” song:

1. No more Depression/Borderline Personality Disorder/Insert other mental illness here.

2. A Magic cure for Depression/BPD, so I could have my Triplet (and me, let’s be honest) be well again.

3. No more Dementia or Alzheimers

4. A cure for the above diseases, so I could have my Grandma back.

5. No more Cancer, a cure for cancer, so I could have my grandpa back (from the actual dead.)

6. A Queer Platonic Partner.

7. Universal health care (NOT the Obamacare that we’re getting that’s just pretending to be universal health care.) I am so sick and tired of hearing about families who can’t afford health insurance who are one illness or accident away from sky high medical debt and or worse poverty than they’re already in. My bout with appendicitis, if it had happened a year later, would have put me and my parents in the poor house. (As it is it’s only costing my parents a small portion of their savings. Not the greatest, but it’s not the worst, so we’re not complaining.)

8. Wars would never start (Ok, so, the song and I *do* have something in common. I’ve always hated war.)

9. No more sexual abuse/rape/molestation/sexual assault. Seriously, we’ve had enough of that.

10. Because I like even numbers, I felt like I had to have a number 10. But, um, I think I’ve already covered it, so, um….. yeah. Oh, I thought of one, NO MORE UNEMPLOYMENT. That people would never have the chance to go hungry because we had some way of always being able to feed the poor and or no one would ever not have a job if they needed/wanted it. That the only homeless people would be people who CHOSE to be that way, not because they had to. (I know people think that’s the way it is now, but it’s not, so screw them.)

This is my grown up Christmas list.

What about yours? What’s your Grown Up Christmas List? And, if you don’t HAVE a grown up Christmas list (because you don’t feel you’re a grownup… which, sometimes, neither do I) I still want to know. Sound off in the comments!


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