November 28, 2013 The Thanksgiving Post
As I sit down to write tonight, I’m torn. I know I have much to be thankful for. I could even argue, to an extent, that I have more to be thankful for than last year. And yet, I also have less. I’ve gained a job and a home, but lost one of my best friends. I’ve lost my faith in God, and therefore to a large extent, my campus family. I’ve finally figured out my sexuality and what I want in terms of intimacy, and then realized I’m never going to have it. I’ve found a group of people like me, but I’ve also lost most of my campus family. It can even possibly be argued that I never truly had a family in campus, after the missionaries of 2011-2012 left.
Maybe it all evens out? Maybe it doesn’t.
I’ve lost my grandpa, and it was so odd to have thanksgiving without him. His wife (not my biological grandma) came. It was so odd, to have her and not him. And it made me wonder what it would’ve been like if he and my grandma had never divorced. If he had been involved in my life more than just the times he played Santa at christmas and occasionally hosted pool parties. And I try not to dwell on it and just add it to the long list of life experiences I’m never going to have. So, this year’s list is kind of skewed. But, since last thanksgiving,
I’m thankful that:
1. I have Thanksgiving day off of work
2. That I’m able to be with my family for thanksgiving
3. That I’m finally back on the birth control
4. New dolls
5. New job
6. That I figured out my sexual orientation once and for all
7. That I have at least Queer Platonic Partner
8. New place to live
9. The ability to pull away from the Seventh Day Adventist Church. Some of you are going to be sad about this, but it really has been better for my mental health not to be there.
10. The Go Pass that allows me unlimited bus rides for a whole year
11. Being able to stay on my dad’s insurance for another year
12. Library card
13. My family
14. The few (and dwindling) friends I have left It’s a smaller list compared to last year.
I have indeed lost much, and haven’t gained much in return. That last is rather unusual; usually there is a balance. Lately, I’ve lived in fear that all I do have could be taken from me. For now, though, I will enjoy my family, the good food, and the warm safety I feel. After all, who knows what I’ll have this time next year? Help Me