In Which I post An Old School Assignment

So, I was just thinking of this speech today. And lo and behold, as I look for other things, there it is lying on top of a tub of papers! The goal was to sell a product. Most others’ speeches were boring. Mine, well…. I had trouble keeping a straight face.

Written for Speech and Writing class in 200…..6?


Are you bored of the career choices your counselros are giving you?? Are you tired of filling out those stupid dots on ACT tests? What if I told you you could be a king (or queen) of your own country wtih no education required?

The country of Ziluthiawania is in dire need of a king and queen, seeing as how their rulers just parished in the terrible flood that occurs once every 700 years. As King (or queen) you would be the official owner of Ziluthiawania.

The country of Ziluthiawania can be purchased for $5. That may seem cheap to you, but over on Ziluthiawania, prices are considerably less than they are here, so even if you’ve only got $20 in your pocket, you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams!

As ruler and owner of Ziluthiawania, your only duties will be to conduct the yearly sacrifice of apples on the altar to the number 7. The rest of your time will be spent lounging around the palace with servants to wait on you hand and foot.

The country of Ziluthiawania is a tropical island off the coast of Afghanistan, which is 70 degrees farenheit (around 18C) all year round.

The palace is furnished with plenty of computers with internet access, big screen tvs, lots of food, and even a swimming pool in your backyard (although why you would need a swimming pool when you’ve got a whole ocean is beyond me). And much more besides. If you are interested, please send a request to

Any questions?


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