In Which I post An Old School Assignment

So, I was just thinking of this speech today. And lo and behold, as I look for other things, there it is lying on top of a tub of papers! The goal was to sell a product. Most others’ speeches were boring. Mine, well…. I had trouble keeping a straight face.

Written for Speech and Writing class in 200…..6?

 

Are you bored of the career choices your counselros are giving you?? Are you tired of filling out those stupid dots on ACT tests? What if I told you you could be a king (or queen) of your own country wtih no education required?

The country of Ziluthiawania is in dire need of a king and queen, seeing as how their rulers just parished in the terrible flood that occurs once every 700 years. As King (or queen) you would be the official owner of Ziluthiawania.

The country of Ziluthiawania can be purchased for $5. That may seem cheap to you, but over on Ziluthiawania, prices are considerably less than they are here, so even if you’ve only got $20 in your pocket, you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams!

As ruler and owner of Ziluthiawania, your only duties will be to conduct the yearly sacrifice of apples on the altar to the number 7. The rest of your time will be spent lounging around the palace with servants to wait on you hand and foot.

The country of Ziluthiawania is a tropical island off the coast of Afghanistan, which is 70 degrees farenheit (around 18C) all year round.

The palace is furnished with plenty of computers with internet access, big screen tvs, lots of food, and even a swimming pool in your backyard (although why you would need a swimming pool when you’ve got a whole ocean is beyond me). And much more besides. If you are interested, please send a request to monarchy@Ziluthiawania.com.

Any questions?

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In Which I Read –A Lot

So, now that I’m done with canvassing… there’s not really a whole lot to talk about. I’m not really doing much except reading. Actually, right now I’m procrastinating: I should be packing, and I am so sick of reading. Don’t know if I want to mention why here. But anyway. I actually wanted someone to talk to, but in the chat room I frequent, they are all talking about sex.

Sigh. I don’t get it. What is so great about sex anyway?

Moving on.

This post will probably bore you all to tears. I’d apologize, but it’s my blog.

So, here’s the list of books I’ve either read or finished since James dropped me off on the 10th. (I wonder if he’s opened his present yet? It’s driving me nuts, but, he probably just rolled his eyes and chucked it in the garbage…)

1. The Judas Virus by David Best

Science fiction novel. It’s supposed to be about an epidemic, but only about 5 people get infected, so I don’t think that’s very… epidemical? Whatever. It does get exciting, but it’s just not about the topic I thought it would be about. The sexual assault scene may be triggering to some, though it is honestly the least detailed assault scene I’ve ever read. Started and finished after canvassing.

2. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Great book at first, gets boring when you can tell that the only thing the author is still writing for is so that all the girls can get married, except for Beth, whom the author kills off. Sigh.

3. Forgotten by Melody Carlson

I can see why this one is free on iBooks. It has been “forgotten” by the target audience. It is not one of her best works. Started and finished after canvassing.

4. The Bible Story Volume 1 by Arthur S Maxwell

Good, but I take issue with some of the stuff. This man needs to read a) Spirit of Prophecy and b) secrets of the lost races. Actually, every single person reading this blog needs to go read the latter. Because of this, I’d hesitate to get it for my future children, though5 I’ll likely inherit my mom’s anyway, so what’s it matter.

5.Christ’s Object Lessons by Ellen White

When she stays on topic, REALLY GOOD. But she tends to go off on tangents that have nothing whatsoever to do with the topic she’s theoretically writing about… I still think everyone reading this should immediately obtain a copy and read it, though.  When she does stay on topic, it is amazing what one learns. (One can learn stuff from the off topic parts too, it’s just, they’re off topic.)

6. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D.

A fascinating book that all females should read. Which is probably why Kali gave it to Jacq. Who still hasn’t read it yet, because I have been. It is from a secular view point, so evolution is sometimes mentioned, however, if one can ignore those parts, it is still a fascinating book based firmly on science, which isn’t normally something you get out of religious “This is the way the famale brain is” books. Those books have SOME science, this has MORE science. Anyway, it’s a really good read, especially if you’re in a relationship, having or about to have a baby, or going through puberty or menopause.

7. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

I was babysitting a small child, give me a break. Heh. After a while I changed it to “the very hungry babysitter.” It made him giggle. (NO I did NOT write the story in such a way that the very hungry babysitter ate the whinychild who didn’t want to let her eat lunch, no! What kind of a horrible person do you think I am? GET THAT IMAGE OF ME OUT OF YOUR HEAD.)

8. The Real Mother Goose Board Book published by Scholastic

He’s only a year old, ok, don’t judge.

9. The Great Controversy by Ellen G White

This book too me so many years to read. I tried to read it when I was 12, 14, and other times I can’t remember, but was hindered by the outdated langauge, plus, it gets boring, and I mean REALLY BORING in the middle. I actually started calling it The Awfully Boring Controversy. But, if you can get past the middle (the beginning is interesting) and get to the last 4 chapters, it’s really, really good. I still recommend it.

That’s only 9 books? Sheesh, I better get busy. I want to finish about… 10 more or so of them before I start school and won’t be able to.

Do you guys ever get seriously depressed because there are so many good books to read but you know you’ll never be able to get to them, and then you want to sit there and cry right in the middle of the library/bookstore/person’s bookcase?

I still could use somebody to talk to… but at least the people in the chat room have moved on from sex to shark attacks. This, at least, is a topic I can live with. And I do have an affection for sharks. Poor little midusnderstood fishies!

If you all made it through that, I will make you cookies.

Help Me

In Which I Finish A Project

August 14, 2012

So. After Much swearing. Ok, a lot of swearing. Really need to work on that but until I no longer have junky computers to work with I don’t see that happening. (I will not start a ranty post on how I hate being poor….I will not I will not I will not!)

Most of you who went canvassing in Troy with me know that my good friend Callie gave me a doll. And you also know I promptly took her to pieces the minute I Got ahold of a blowdryer.

Exhibit A

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Actually, I just wanted an excuse to post that picture. I’m wondering if it is going to cause Callie to have heart failure. If I’m told she’s in the hospital tonight, I’ll know why.

Ahem. Back on topic. What no one has bothered to ask, however, including Callie, is why.  No one has said to me, “why, J–? Why are you taking that really expensive doll apart?” No. What people have said to me is, “you have a disembodied doll your desk, you’re creepy!”

So, permit me to explain. An American Girl Doll is supposed to be able to hold a position at a 45 degree angle. Kind of like what Samantha here is NOT doing:

As you can see, Samantha here has a bad case of….. THE FLOPPIES! You see, American Girl Doll arms and legs are held onto the body by an elastic cord. This allows the limbs to have a wider range of movement. However, over time the elastic wears out and loses its elasticity. When this happens, the doll gets loose. There is nothing you can do about this. Even if you set the doll on a shelf and do nothing with her for years and years (and who wants to do THAT?) the elastic WILL wear out. It’s a fact of life.When I told her Samantha would require restringing (the poor thing was so loose she could barely stand on her own!) Callie kept repeating, “but I was so gentle with her.” Sigh. She kept repeating this after I told her IT. DOESN’T.MATTER.

So, I went out and bought (and borrowed) the necessary equipment: brass ferules, baking soda, downy fabric softener (just in case…didn’t end up needing it.) a crimper, and a blow dryer. And I set to work.

And then I discovered what Callie HADN’T told me. You see, vinyl is very absorbent, particularly the type of vinyl American Girl Dolls are made of. You should NOT put brightly colored clothing on a doll and then leave said clothing on for years and years. In fact, if you own an American Girl Doll, please take a moment to find her, see if she is wearing bright colors, and if she is, promptly strip her. Even if there’s no damage done yet, there might be. Go on, I’ll wait.

That’s taken care of? Ok, moving along then.

So I took some baking soda and scrubbed one leg for about an hour. The whole top of her legs were bright blue, and after an hour all I’d done was fade it. Sigh. back to the drawing board. I found out that 10% Benzoyl Peroxide (commonly used to treat acne, can you imagine?) works wonders for stains. I bought some, and applied it. Unfortunately it takes about a week for it to actually work. And I missed a spot every two weeks. It was therefore about 4 weeks before those stupid legs were clean, but afterwards it was so worth it.

Finally I set to work for REALZ this time… or so I think. I’ve just got 3 of the limbs attached to the body when I realize that I only have THREE packets of brass ferules instead of 4. And the only store around here that sells them is in M, which is the big town 45 minutes from this dinky little hick town. So I call Lowes to make sure they have them in stock, and then I drive. This takes a good 3 hours out of my day, at which point I’m hungry, so I go eat.

THEN when I’ve finally got all the limbs attached, it’s time for the hard part: restuffing. Seriously, I don’t know HOW they fit all of that stuffing in that TINY LITTLE BODY. I really really don’t. Much swearing and praying (is it even legal to do those things at once? I hope God’s not mad…)

I had to keep looking at the shelf, at the other doll I’d restrung, telling myself, “you’ve done this before J–. And you’ve done a good job. You can do it again….” And Finally, I wound up with this:

Image

So, here’s where the lesson is. I’m afraid it got lost in the ranting, and I apologize. This paragraph here is the REAL reason I wanted to make this post.

You see, this summer, I felt just like Samantha: torn to pieces. Not only were my arms and legs detached from my torso and my stuffing pulled out, but, like Samantha lying there on the desk in my room, I was exposed, with all my faults right out there for everyone to see and frown on. And I know the leaders (half of them anyway) said worse things about me than “creepy.”)

But, I took Samantha apart to fix her. And, I guess I don’t really know how this works, or even IF it works like this, but, I’m hoping that, if God took me apart, he had a reason, and that someday, (hopefully VERY soon!) He’s going to put me back together again.

All better.

Like this:

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In Which I Impart That Which I Have Learned

Due to computer issues, this isn’t going to be a very good blog post. I had it all typed out in my computer journal, but then my computer started having issues. The keyboard and mouse are having difficulties. Certain keys don’t even work, and sometimes the computer just types in random apostraphes. I am currently unable to type the following letters: I, M, U, and probably others that I haven’t noticed yet because I’ve given up trying. I’m typing this on my dad’s company computer, which has its own set of issues (it took me a good 30 minutes to try and find out how to disable a password on windows 7, because the password only worked every 5th or 7th time you typed it, regardless of how correct it was.)

My journal is password protected on my computer, and the password has the letter I, so I can’t get into half my files. So, the following post will be rather discombobulated. Apologies. If you don’t like it, feel free to go read someone else’s blog.

When we left REDACTED to go on satellites for the last time, some of us never to return, we all hugged each other. I was kind of surprised when Jeandra hugged me. No, that’s not true, I’m surprised I LET her.We talked more than just this, but I’ll leave most contents private. The thing that I’m going to zero in on is when she said, “don’t ever forget what you learned here at canvassing.”

And, I’m sure the world is dying to know: What HAS Abby Snow learned? Let’s make a list:

1. I am selfish. horribly vile and selfish.

2. I serve the Lord out of fear, not love. And I don’t know how to change that.

3. That thing I wanted to do that summer after I converted, the summer of 2010 I believe it was, would not have been a good thing. I am glad God did not let me do it.

4. I should not be involved in Ministry. At all. I want the next word to be forever, but a more accurate phrase would be “until such a time as I love God and have things sorted out as far as that goes.”

I did a worship talk last monday. I thought I would escape the summer without having to give one, because some students gave one 5 times, but I never did. Even in my first satellite group, I never did one. I was wildly angry and jealous at first, but then I decided that I didn’t want to do one anyway. I mean, I usually fall asleep during worship, why detract from nap time?

James decided to change all that. He decided I was doing a worship talk on Monday and that’s final.

It was awful. I didn’t have a point until 5 minutes before the opening prayer (if that) and I stumbled through it in 10 minutes. Did I even take ten minutes? I’m really not sure.

Afterward James got all excited. “Yeah! You’re going to lead Wensdays 5 times next year! And we’re going to have you giving bible studies. There’s a real need for females to give studies at REDACTED University….oh and you can preach the SERMON!”

I am not sure if he was serious about any of this, or if he was just being James. I hope that he was just being James, because if canvassing has taught me ANYTHING, it’s that having me in any form of ministry is a Really Bad Idea tm.

5. What you do affects the team. I learned this not just from Sheena, but from my own mistakes. The time I jumped in the lake comes to mind, and the seat was wet for the next 3 days.

6. Getting mental help is going to be hader than I thought. Two weeks ago, James helped me call the person REDACTED (through Callie) recommended I call…back in February. REDACTED recommended her because apparently she’s worked with a lot of people with this problem before, but when I talked to her she said it was beyond the scope of her training. I don’t blame the woman for this, at all. I blame REDACTED for somehow not knowing this AND apparently he had called her before too.

Sooooooooo I kind of don’t know what to do now. But one thing I did learn, actually this should be number

7. Is that I want to get better. I HAVE to get better. I can not and will not live like this much longer. I am going to do everything I know to get help, but if that doesn’t work…. it will work, it has to.

8. 10% Benzoyl Peroxide works magic on getting stains from the clothing out of vinyl dolls.

9. I think I learned a little bit about canvassing

10. Sin is a problem, and it needs to go away. If it weren’t for sin, I wouldn’t have even had to BE canvassing.

11. Canvassing is not my niche. I ohpe God never makes me do it again. It probably doesn’t matter, because Kamil would probably not LET me come back another year, but I am totally ok with that.

12. The Great Controversy is a slow, boring book, but only in the middle. The parts I’m on now are actually very interesting. This book is interesting. A lot of Ellen White books are interesting. Christ’s Object Lessons, Desire of Ages, Thoughts from the Mount Of Blessing, even some parts of education were interesting. And I can’t wait to read all of them.

13. I learned that there are some people at canvassing who actually care what happens to me. It surprised me that James helped me make that call, and that, one day, for one fleeting moment, he was concerned about what I was doing down there in the basement. (“You were praying. That is what you were doing down there, right?”) Hearing from multiple people that Kiana was worried about me. Daniel Benson pounding on the bathroom door saying, “it doesn’t sound like you’re ok.” Crying repeatedly into mom Ann’s shoulder and instead of getting frustrated, she was patient with me. Coming back from campmeeting to a chorus of “Abby, we missed you!” and wondering why, especially when I hadn’t given them a moment’s thought. Wyson sweeping broken glass off the bathroom floor. Who was I talking to when I promised I wasn’t going to kill myself? I don’t remember. Not everyone at canvasing was like this, but at least a good 5 people cared whether or not I was ok.

14. I have a cousin named REDACTED, and I like him. (as a friend, I mean.)

12. I can’t do anything. I knew this before, but I REALLY know it now. In fact, maybe therein lies the REAL triumph of surviving the entire 10 weeks:knowing that God brought me through it. And if He can bring me through that, he can bring me through anything.

Help Me

In Which I Finish

Today was my last day of canvassing. Gott. Sei. Dank. I thought I would feel elated after this, accomplished. Like I could take on anything.

I feel like a deflated balloon the day after a little kid’s birthday party.

I can’t even say why I feel this way.

I made it to the end, but for what? I wasn’t able to keep my feelings inside me enough, so I doubt I’ll be getting any good references for future jobs. I didn’t sell a whole lot of books, so I won’t be getting enough money for a car, braces, or anything more than textbooks. I thought I could learn to love God here. Develop a relationship with Him. I thought I would come back from this summer rock solid.

I’m not. I’m still the same person I was going in.

I don’t love God. Half the time I wasn’t even faithful. I’m glad I went and had these experiences, but I hope God never calls me to do this again. If he does, it will be an adults only program. Or perhaps I would do it independently. But probably not. Much as I grew to tolerate canvassing, this is not my niche. I’ve discovered that, at least, and it was worth taking ten weeks out of my life to figure that out.

We’ll get more into this in depth later, along with a backlog of canvassing experienes, if I can even remember them by now. Sigh. This is what happens when you get behind on your journaling.

I bought James a present. He’ll get it tomorrow, along with the url for this blog. If he wishes, he can read it. Wyson can read it. Then they will know… well, they’ll know what I wrote.

For now, I am simply going to say: I’m so glad we’re not canvassing tomorrow! Kamil said we had to, but James put his foot down. I mean, without giving away location, we have a 9 hour drive tomorrow. Now that’s not factoring in a lunch break, nor the time it will take to drop me off at my parents’ house in M. In order to be at the retreat at a reasonable time, we would have to leave at 6 o’clock in the morning, meaning we’d have to get UP at 4 or 5… I’m not sure why Kamil thought that was doable. It makes sense for Joana’s group, she’s only got a 4-5 hour drive. 2-3 hours of canvassing could fit in there, along with a lunch break, and still have time to get there. But for The other 3 groups… not so much.

Actually, I don’t know where Jeandra’s group went. I’m just assuming on that one.

And now I’d better either come up with something good to say, or shut up.

Help Me

In Which I Learn History

This is a back blog that’s been sitting there for… days. things got crazy, and I was doing more writing than posting because of 1. slow internet and 2. no internet.

August 3, 2012

In the basement of the house we’re staying in, in other words, MY room (my own private room with the personal toilet, hee hee!) I found old volumes of The Youth’s Instructor, starting from 1941. I was bitterly disappointed when I found out that Irene had them bound herself, and that I couldn’t get a copy. These old editions of the youth’s instructor are FASCINATING! Consider a quote from an article about the 44th session of the general conference.

….I am impressed that no detail of organization has been neglected. the wheels all turn so smoothly and noiselessly that you hardly realize they exist.
    do you wish to write a letter? there is a well equipped writing room. or send a telegram? a special operator is ready to speed it on its way. or get a message to a friend? an alphabetically arranged bulletin board is at hand: just write your message, address it, fasten it in the space under A or B or C or wherever it belongs–with a waiting thumbtack, and the friend will find it. or is conference in session and there is an urgent need for you to contact right now someone among the thousands in the meeting? send your message by an usher to TJ Michael, who sits at a table to the far right of the platform. he is the “official message censor,” and if your message merits his ok, watch the screen above the stage. within a few minutes you will see the message thrown there. or are you expecting a telegram? watch the same screen. mail? there is a well equipped post office in the front foyer.

    And we wondered what people did before cell phones and email. Now we know. Although, at a conference of thousands (and yes, the article made it clear there were thousands in attendance, even in 1941) I’m not sure how on earth a person is supposed to find a message for them on a bulletin board with thumbtacks. You’d need a pretty big bulletin board, for starters. How exactly did that work?

Anyway, I do have some incredible (to me, anyway) canvassing experiences to post form last week, so stay tuned!

 

Help Me

In Which I Am Disappointed

So, got an email from dad last night. He said I should come to camp with them. I wrote that if he came to H to come get me, I totally would go. He emailed back that if he had known in time, he would’ve came and got me.

And then I started crying. AT this very moment, I could be zooming my way down to camp au sable, headed for a week of…well, I’m not sure exactly WHAT, since it’s been a while since I’ve been able to enjoy family camp, but the point is, I would not be sitting here staring at 5 more days worth of canvassing. or 4 1/2. Whatever.

Not would I be here with these people, 2 of whom irritate me to pieces, one of those 2 people I actually love spite of that.

I’m staling the neighbor’s wifi…it’s so nice of them to elave it unprotected for us.

Anyway, the other program I was thinking of doing for the summer ended this weekend. It made me wonder: what would my life have been like if I’d done that instead? Would I have been constantly anxious all the time? Probably not. Would I have felt as horrible afterward? Probably not. Would my life have been easier? Maybe, maybe not. Would my life have been so micromanaged? Definitely not.

But of course, If I HAD done the other program, I’d be wondering the same things about canvassing. I suppose I could always do that program next summer, beause I sure as shit DON’T want to go back to canvassing. And if God REALLY wants me to, he can find me an adults only program. I’m too old to be treated like a high schooler.

I look forward to the few days in M where I’ll have the house to myself. Even when my parents return, I’ll have time. I’ll be able to read all day, and go look for blueberries. And I will not miss canvassing. Not one littlebit. In fact, most of the time this next week when i get back  is going to be spent thanking God that I’m not canvassing right now.

Until then…. 5 more days. 5 more days and it’ll all be over. I only pray that it’ll be over for good.

I probably should go make lunch or something. My batter’s about to die anyway. Technology is so cruel.