In Which I

It’s raining today. Normally I wouldn’t mind. Might like it, even. Perfect sleeping weather, perfect reading weather, perfect writing weather. But it is not perfect canvassing weather.

In my experience, people are meaner on rainy days. Something about lack of sun affecting mood, I think.

The powers that be have decided we no longer need training. I think they are out of their tiny little stupid headed minds. We didn’t get enough training as it is! Kiana said she thinks it’s kamil’s decision because he wants to get us out earlier because he feels this would help us sell more books. I hink more training and more quality training would help more than an extra hour out in the field, which is only going to wear us down.

I know I’m wearing out. Yesterday I felt surrounded by fear. I was terrified of doing businesses, and I was terrified of getting kicked out If I didn’t do them. I greatly dislike businesses. Jeandra and Wyson know this, and try not to of me on them.

James, however, probably wouldn’t care even if he DID know. He put me on businesses. I did quite a bit of crying. Then he put us back on houses, thank God. Until I mentioned t, James was unaware of any sort of probation or of anyone wanting to kick me out. That made me feel better. It seems like, if they were serious, there’d have been some sort of leadership meeting. James said that there was last time, that they were all praying, but that he’d heard nothing apart from that.

After that I was able to stop being so scared.

And then James caught me crying.

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