In Which I Make My Decision Public

Jeandra had dropped everyone off. (At businesses.) we were alone in the car. I don’t remember what else she had been saying. Probably something like, “ready to go?” To which I probably just grunted (I hate businesses). And then she asked, “are you ready to stay?”

I took a deep breath, opened my mouth, and said, “Yes. I will remain in the program.” And I love how you’re asking me this RIGHT AS I WANT TO TURN AND RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

Maybe that was kind of her point.

I finally figured out what I don’t like about businesses. I think by now nobody understands why I don’t like them. I mean, there are a whole list of reasons I can think of to like them including

1. Air conditioning

2. Bathrooms

3. Drinking fountains to refill water bottles

Ok, actually, those are the only benefits I came up with. See, at a lot of businesses, you don’t have to do anything. You can walk in and walk out without actually having to talk to people, so it’s very hard to be brave. But when you go up to a house ad you ring that doorbell, unless no one comes out, you HAVE to talk to that person. If Im doing houses, I HAVE to talk. In most businesses, I have the option of being scared into silence. Actually option is the wrong word, sometimes it just happens.

So, after about an hour (or maybe it was more like 30 minutes) of businesses (I actually skipped a Chinese restaurant because a lot of times the people who work there don’t speak very good English, and Glory here speaks a bit of Chinese, so I called Glory over and asked him to do it. The Lord used him to get a GC out to a lady, and I’m not sure how she’s going to read it if she has a hard time understanding English, and wow that is the longest run on sentence I’ve ever written, as well as the longest parentheses sentence I’ve ever written.)

So, for once, my skipping a place was a good thing, because I don’t think I could’ve gotten a GC out to her.

And….houses. So, I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but as John and I were waiting for Kamil (yes, the boss saw this) I grabbed a tree branch and swung my legs up. And there I remained until the van came. Kamil…. honestly I’m not sure how to read his reaction. He didn’t tell me not to do it, he just said it wasn’t a good idea. I told him I was sorry, I don’t know why I did it. he said, “that’s ok, John probably put you up to it.”

That actually made me angry. What, I have to have John to give me all my dumb ideas? I can’t come up with them by myself? I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I corrected Kamil’s error. He seemed surprised. Maybe I should’ve just let him think I was influenced…

Anyway, so, after that little fiasco, they put me on a street where the trees were all too high to climb. And….we had an early lunch.

Sounds fantastic doesn’t it?

Erm, not so much, no, actually. You see, we’re already hitting the field a good 30 min earlier than we’re used to. And Jeandra has said that we are going to be habitually getting in later (leaving the field at 9:15) So basically, she jsut stretched the day out by a good 45 minutes, which is close enough it might as well be an hour. (In case you all are wondering wthat I think about this new arrangement: WHAT THE BLANKETY BLANK BLANK BLANK WAS SHE BLANKING BLANK THINKING? And in case there was any doubt about that, BLANK.)

We are used to a 4pm lunch. That has been almost set in stone for a long time. 4 hours in the morning, 4 in the evening. It’s balanced that way, you see. And messing it up led to… 3 hours in the morning, and then it ended up being more like 6 in the evening instead of 5 because “books are going out guys, so we need to work harder so God can bless.” I actually said, “then let THEM get all the blessings and take us to a gas station so Daniel can pee!” (Cause he had to pee really bad.)

After lunch, we all felt it. Well, I don’t know about Annie, Anthony, and Glory, but me, Daniel, and John sure felt it. We felt like we were dying. The evening stretched out so long, all I could think of was, “Lord, help me not to fall asleep at the doors. Oh, and books!” Or, “Lord, help me make it through without fainting. Oh, and books.”

Basically, it messed up our body clocks, and the evening was super super long.And I wasn’t super concerned about books.

And when we found out Jeandra was working us not only till 9:15 but beyond that, I was in a State of Rebellion. You see, I am Very Stubborn. Callie thinks she’s stubborn? No. She hasn’t seen me when I’m in full out stubborny stubbornness. I was in “let’s just finish this street” mode and “oh yeah God, books. Ya know what God, it’s quitting time, beyond that, I haven’t been feeling well, I’ve been sick, nope, don’t feel like doing this house, sorry God.” I wish I could say today was the only day this summer I’ve been like this. I will say that it doesn’t always happen, and probably a lot less often since a lot of the emotional storm has calmed down. Today’s actually the first day a while it’s happened. And…I can’t remember how long it’s been since I last cried. That’s a huge deal.

Sorry, this is turning into a long story. Moving on.

We finished that street. I took off my shoes, as I was sure it’d be the last street. And then it wasn’t. I had to put my shoes back on. I wasn’t happy. There were 4 of us. Jeandra set us loose on a court of about 4 houses and told us to grab the one we fancied. I actually wanted Daniel’s house, because nobody was home there, and Daniel needed a bathroom so I figured he’d want the house with people in it (plus I really did just wanted to go home and did not want another “not interested ok how about no ok by have a nice day i mean night.” spiel. But Daniel said he didn’t want it,  Jeandra was watching, so I rang the doorbell.

And a man stepped out. Man I’m forgetting details already. Basically he looked through the cookbook. We got talking, and he wanted to know who we were with, so I pulled out the bible story company and showed him. “Oh yeah, the Seventh Day Adventists, I know them.”

I almost fell to the ground in shock. Most people have no idea that SDAs own the bible story company. I asked him, and he said that he is a baptist, and studies closely into other religions. He seemed like he was interested in the cookbook, so I said, “well sir, for $5 more you can get another book for free. You could learn all about Seventh Day Adventists.”

“Oh I already know about you,” he said. “Which book would I get?”

“Any of these, but the one that explains most about Aventists is–

alright, GUESSING TIME! Which book do you guys think I pulled out? Was it:

A) Naturally Gourmet

B) Story Time

C) Lessons of Love

D) The Great Controversy


Well, if you picked A, you’re dumb, because that’s the book he had in his hands. If you picked B, you need to go read that book immediately and set yourself straight. If you picked C, I love you anyway, but if you picked D, congratulations! We have a winner! What do you win? My approval, of course. You need anything else?

Anyway, I pulled out the great controversy and went over a little bit what it was about. He was actually asking me theological questions, but in a way I could tell he was looking for The Right Answer (or at least, an intelligent answer even if he didn’t agree with it.)

He said, “I’m going to ask you another question, and if I like the answer, I’ll throw in a bonus [he was writing out the check at this time] If you died today and stood before God, and he asked why he should let you into heaven, what would you say?”

me: well, sir, first off, I believe that death is a sleep, and when we die, we basically sleep till Jesus comes. So if I died today, I wouldn’t stand before God just yet. Second, There is nothing I can do to deserve heaven, but, Jesus died for me too, and, that’s the only way I could ever get there.” I had meant this in a “well if JEsus died for them he died for me too, right?” sort of way, but I think the way I phrased it pleased him more. He said he liked that answer. He said he wondered if I was going to try to throw something in there about good works. I said no, that good works come out of a love for God, not anything else.

At this point JEandra showed up (probably wondering why I was taking so LONG) and, normally, when Jeandra comes up, I cheer inside. She actually did not come to work with me all day, which is very unusual for her (I wonder if it was cause Kamil was here?) But this time all I wanted her to do was Go Away. I got this. Jesus Got this. ok, unfortunately, it was more the first one than the latter, which I’m ashamed of but I’ll get to that.

Anyway, the man ended up getting the GC and the NG, and did throw in a little extra something because he liked my answer. He asked about [re-death sleep] the theif on the cross, and I told him about the misplaced comma. He said that was interesting, he hadn’t heard that one before. Unfortunately I couldn’t answer his next one: To be absent in body is to be with Christ. I said I’d never heard that verse before, and at the time I couldn’t think of whether or not I was lying. I mean, it SOUNDED biblical, but so do a lot of things. I asked for a reference, and he couldn’t come up with one. “Interesting.” he said, “that you’ve never heard that. That tells me a lot, actually.”

I feel like I failed God. I should’ve had it already studied out. I should’ve known. I should’ve been able to combat the argument.

But I failed God in another way as well. And it is more that point that I wish to address. I’d like to make a point that I still do not like Jeandra putting us out there past 9, but ESPECIALLY past 9:15, however, if I had put my foot down and said no, I am NOT getting out of this vehicle until we hit the church parking lot (which, first off, would’ve probs just got me kicked out of the program) I would never have met that man. I have no idea what kind of impression I made (probably one who knows the bible, but only certain topics and never anything that truly challenges it) but maybe it was a favorable one? I really have no idea.

If I had had a better attitude about being kept out till obnoxious o’clock in the evening after being worked way too hard anyway, would God have been able to use me more? Would more books have gotten out? Did I, perhaps, miss divine appointments because I was so rebellious? The homes I skipped, what about those people?

Jeandra sees it as an awesome last door experience, but I know better. This was a rebuke. God is Not Happy with me today. I pray he will forgive me, and help me do better.

Help Me




One thought on “In Which I Make My Decision Public

  1. Jesus is much more pleased with you than you think. Rest in His love, not the made up condemnation. You can’t earn salvation, OR His love, remember? Press on, amor. He is ever near.

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