In Which I Fall Asleep

And almost miss a wonderful (not!) day of canvassing. I should’ve stayed in the goram church and not let Jeandra find me. The perfect excuse, really. And it probably will not work again.

My battery’s low, so I’d better do this quick.

Maybe the bad day was God punishing me for not wanting to go out…

So. Not only do I not like N, I REALLY do not like N. When the rest of us count out money, we do so QUIETLY. N does not. N counts her money loudly, and then whines rEALLY REALLY loudly about having an odd number of ones. Which would bother me a bit too, but I would never actually name a dollar ammount.

And if you ask her how her day went, she’ll start talking about how much money she made. Not even how many books she sold, MONEY.

I thought the point of all this was souls?

Maybe I’m just not above petty jealousy. Maybe if I was making as much as she brags about making, I’d be more willing to take it. Maybe I’d even enter into the discussion. Maybe it’s a good thing, then. If I concentrated on money, I’d always be trying to one up her. No, it is a good thing, then, that I don’t usually make half as much.

But, I do feel it is a concern. After all, I have needs. I am trying to go to school. It has really been bothering me that I only get to keep 50% of what I make. that means that, that one day when I worked ALL FREAKIN DAY and only got $4, I only got to keep $2. And currently they’re only allowing me to withdraw %5 a week. I checked what that would have been, because I needed $40 for my medication.

Bottom line: I haven’t even made enough money to cover a bottle of pills. Last week, 5% was around $5. A little less, actually.

That’s not going to pay for school. A car. Braces. That’s not even going to be enough to pay for half a textbook.

A student left today. Heruy (pronounced Harry, also not a typo). The pressure from his parents got to be too much. They told him he needed to get a real job and make real money for school. So Heruy packed his things and he left.

I don’t think anyone has a clue how effin jealous I am. His parents came and got him. His parents cared enough to come and get him.

Mine didn’t even care enough to drop me off.

One of my parents told the other parent they didn’t even love me.

I need to talk to someone without bias. Someone who can sit down with me and look at things objectively. All the arguments I’ve heard are from people who are hardcore pro-canvassing. I need someone to look at things with me objectively.

If you or someone you know is willing to do this, PLEASE let me know.

sigh. I’m getting rained out, so I guess I’m done.

Help Me


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