March 30, 2012
In Which I Recount A Dream
Even my subconscious is beginning to panic. I wasn’t even thinking about canvassing much yesterday, but anxiety must be lurking beneath the surface. Last night, I dreamed I was with Callie. We were canvassing at what must’ve been a school, because later Callie would try to canvass a teacher, but first we had to sit though his class. I got bored and started reading the textbook. It was about fathers and family.
Anyway, I remember nothing prior to this incident except a whole lot of anxiety. You know that feeling of anxiety and badness that differentiates a mere bad dream from a nightmare? Yeah, this was nightmare feeling.
There was this old lady in a yellow sweater. I think she was a teacher. Callie told me to go canvass her. I remember being terrified, thinking I hadn’t memorized the canvass yet, because canvassing hadn’t officially started. This was something we were doing before the summer program.
Now, MAYBE at this point I realized I was dreaming, but not enough to wake myself up, and the reason it turned out so well is because I was able to manipulate the dream without being aware I was manipulating it. I suppose anything is possible.
As I approached her, I thought I can tell, she’s not going to buy anything. Anyway, the lady didn’t speak much English. She started speaking to me in German, but I was too terrified to start speaking it back, and I don’t speak it well anyway. (Certainly not well enough to dream about it like I do…which is so weird. Does anybody know how I can dream in a language I don’t even speak? I thought you only had dreams in languages you were fluent in? That it was proof you knew the language?)
I only had 2 books with me. I can’t remember if I was out of books, or if this was just all I had. But I said something like, “Hi, I’m Abby, I’m selling books.” *thrusts books across the table*. The lady took the books that I had, and asked me to send her a copy of every other book I had, and filled out an order form.
I remember being confused: This was supposed to be a nightmare. This was not supposed to happen. It was at that point that I woke up. Because of course the minute you realize you’re having a dream is the minute you wake up.
So, I think I’m a little confused. Or maybe I’ve just heard too many good stories of canvassing and not enough bad? Maybe I’ve read so many good stories that I can’t even have a proper nightmare? Do I seriously expect, in my heart of hearts, that canvassing will be sunshine and rainbows and cupcakes and daisies?
I think someone needs to scare me a little. I don’t think I’m scared enough.